Don’t make me play pretend.

It’s natural that today would be the one day of the year where you stop and ponder everything that you’ve experienced over the last twelve months. You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or even months overthinking everything that’s happened to you; what might have been, what should have been or how things might have been different. You can do any of those things or you can move the fuck on. Lots of things can be fixed. It’s not always easy though to fix relationships between people because sometimes one of the individuals involved in the relationship doesn’t want to be fixed. It could be you, it could be the other person, so sometimes you just need to learn to let go. They need to let you go. What better time than at the start of a new year?

Sooner or later we’ve all got to let go of our past, at least the past that doesn’t make us happy. New memories await. New happiness could be right around the corner. Easier said than done though, right? Moving on is easy, it’s staying moved that’s said to be the hardest part. Letting go of the bad things and the bad people in your life should be easy so that you can focus on the good things and the good people in your life. I guess it happens to everyone as they grow older. You’re continually finding out who you are and what it is and who it is that you want. When the penny drops that not everyone sees things the way that you do can be a wonderful thing. Cathartic almost. Ergo, you keep the wonderful memories, but find yourself moving on without all of the bad ones. Sounds easy. Letting go. Everyone talks about it like it’s super simple to do. It’s not but hopefully the start of something new is the start of something new for you.

In a year when you lose some of the people closest to you, perspective can change. Despite how selfless you are or how much you go out of your way to try and do nice things for pretty much everyone that you meet, it can be tough at times to always have a smile on your face. Fake happy? You move on though, right? You’ll have met new people who you enjoy spending time with.

Past friends will become past friends for a reason. It’s easily done. You lose touch. If that person is special enough to you though, you get back in touch and things are okay again. We all have those people in our lives that we don’t speak to for so long but then as soon as we do, it’s seamless, the relationship begins again like it had never paused. Such a cool thing and something that should never be taken for granted. That said, there are people that I’ve not been in touch with as much as I should have been. Not cool on my part.

The last time I saw my Mum alive, she asked me for a hug. She was in hospital unwell and visiting hours were coming to an end. It was a change of shift for the nurses and they were checking on her so I said that we’d hug tomorrow when I visited again. I didn’t get to see her alive again and that will haunt me forever. I didn’t get to hug her and I didn’t get to tell her all of the things that I wanted to. She wanted one thing from me and I didn’t get to give it to her. I won’t make that mistake again with the people that I care about.

Whilst I’m not one for making massive resolutions for the year ahead, I will do one thing in 2018. If you’re in my life and you’re important to me, I’ll be in touch to tell you how much you mean to me. It might be a letter or a telephone call or an email, but I’ll be in touch. I’m guilty of not telling the people closest to me or that I care about things that I wish I’d said. The best friends are the ones who keep in touch with you, no matter how busy they are.

To those other people who I thought were friends, it’s time for us to let go. To every boy and to every girl who has gossiped about me without knowing me, to the people that broke my heart in a way that they will never understand, you’ve all challenged me to become the person I want to be. I am stronger because of all of the bad experiences that I’ve gone through because of you. No matter how much you have done to me, you have unknowingly done so much more for me. I guess thanks is in order.

I don’t want to be fake happy with people. None of us should want that. It’s pie in the sky stuff but if everyone could be happy, that would be an amazing thing. To everyone, be happy in the year and years ahead, I wish all of you nothing but love.


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