Somebody to you.

The first glance at someone you like. Hopefully, that leads to the first date. Fingers crossed that the first kiss with that someone follows. Who knows after that? A relationship to end all relationships? Marriage? Babies? It’s pretty cool to be someone’s first kiss or love but isn’t it better to be their last everything though?

That new feeling about someone. Isn’t it the best? Chances are that you didn’t go looking for them, they perhaps just turned up uninvited?

We can only speak about our own experiences though, right?

Connecting with her was a coincidence, something straight out of left field. Becoming her friend was a choice. Falling in love with her? No choice in the matter really, the heart wants, what the heart wants. I thought she was perfect and so I fell for her. Soon after, I realised that she wasn’t perfect. What happened? I loved her even more. Not loving her was never an option, it just had to happen.

How did we go from this innocent interaction to where we are now? This conversation that has grown and grown. Me waiting for you to grow tired of me, even though you instigated all of this. We share jokes and some terrible conversation at times but it resonates. It can only be love and some unbelievable chemistry that I’ve yet to make sense of and might never make sense of.

It’s almost going to be like a journey. It starts at never and hopefully ends at forever. How could it start? There was no comprehension that it could even be a thing. It’s quite a wonderful thing though. The way that she smiles at me, the way that I know that she’s fallen asleep when those little three dots on the alerts aren’t flashing any more. She’s sound asleep, hopefully dreaming of me, and that’s all I need to know for now. Maybe it’s all that I’ll ever need to know.

I may not be with her at all times, but she knows that she’s never far away from my heart. Impossible. I think about her, I dream about her. Who knows how the whole life thing works? Maybe I have searched for her for all of my life and it just took me a little while to find her. When loving the fact that someone else’s happiness is more important than your own, does that make you feel like this is the one thing that you need? It’s how I feel right now.

You have no conception of how hard it is to stop myself thinking about you. We should play a game. Flip a coin. I always pick tails. Tails, you are mine. Heads, I belong to you. Win win?

The thing is, that the best feeling right now, is when you look at me. I might already have been staring at you forever from afar though. You did what you do though, you called me on it and now we are where we are. Pretty fucking cool, in my mind. Let’s face it, you don’t know it for sure yet but I’m much more myself when I’m with you. Out of all the men in this world, you chose me. I’m nothing compared to anyone else that you could have picked and I’m baffled. Also, I’m blown away.

Now what happens is that I can’t see myself without you. You’re nothing short of my everything and I have no idea how this even happened. Each day I love you more. I picture your face when we’re not together. I imagine your voice when we’re not speaking. It’s at that stage, isn’t it? No matter what you say, no matter what you do, I’m always right there behind you. Just when I think that it is impossible to love you any more, you prove me wrong. A text. A message. A picture. You pouring out your heart and being honest. Especially when you’re turbo boozy. Ugh. Near perfection.

I’m going to be always in love with you, surely? Can I swear it? I hope so.

I’ve also always thought that the one thing that would be amazing is being the centre of someone else’s universe. When you come along and tell me that you think that I’m the centre of your universe, isn’t it nigh on impossible for my heart not to almost burst?

Comfortable isn’t the right word, but what if this love comes from finding someone you feel utterly content with? You’re that someone who makes me comfortable with myself. It’s better than finding myself.

It’s a complete risk to fall for you, to love you, to need you, to want you. If it doesn’t work out, what happens then? Hang on though, what if it does?

There is one thing that you need to know. I don’t love you just because of who you are. When I’m with you, I’m better. Not just to you, but to everyone in my life. I know that you might think that is crazy. Maybe that’s because it is and I am. About this situation, about you.

Maybe that’s what this is? Sunshine. Craziness. Hurricanes. Having someone who helps you through different experiences, encourages you to try new things but will always have your back and make you feel safe?

All I wish for is to be your favourite boy. When you think of me, you smile. Your favourite smile. All I know is that your the prettiest thing that I’ve ever seen. I just want to be somebody for you.

I know now that I’ll always want that.

Quiet nights in. Wine. Me hearing about your day. I cook, you speak. I massage your feet, you relax. Just that.

So here it is, one more time. I find you incredibly beautiful. The best part about getting to know you more is knowing that each day will bring new surprises that are all about you. The flipside is that you’ll find out new things about me too.

Our friendship has been born because in that moment you said hello. My heart has been exploding ever since. I’ve cherished all our moments. The best thing is that there will be more moments. Since I’ve met you, I began to understand why all of my past relationships came to an end. You. It was always you.

I just want to be somebody to someone. Now I know who that someone is.

@TheSamMcLeod

2 thoughts on “Somebody to you.

    • So. An elderly gentleman was sitting in the hotel this morning at the table next to me. He looked at my screen and asked what I was reading. He took a while to do so, because he explained that he’d had two strokes and found it difficult to talk. He was hard to understand but with patience on both sides, we managed to strike up a conversation. I explained the idea of the blog and he asked if he could read the latest one. Obviously I said yes, and he sat down and worked his way through this one. I left him alone for five minutes to get coffee and when I came back, he was sat there in tears. He said that it made him emotional but happy. Easily the most humbling thing I’ve experienced since starting this. I keep saying wow to myself.

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