Anything you need.

How long does, or should it take for you to realise that you like someone? Immediately? An hour, 24 hours, a week? Longer?

You’ll come across some people in your life that will make you believe in things that you never thought possible. Sometimes when you meet that someone, you have to leave your comfort zone, to be bold, to be brave. Don’t some of those people just come along and make you brave though? You can give someone a part of you that you know that they could break, but you go for it anyway, don’t you?

Sometimes you meet someone who just makes your day better.

An accidental meeting between two people that have never met before. Just life, I guess, you never know who you might run into in the course of your day. It’s just random. Random occurrences happen to all of us every day. What if we have a small say in how we let those occurrences affect our day or our week though? Maybe even our life?

If we’re honest with ourselves, we’re all guilty of being distracted by someone who has caught our eye from time to time.

It was a Friday morning. I’d seen her before but we’d never spoken, far less met. I was just sitting writing and I saw her through the front window with her luggage and she looked like she was struggling with it. You’re a man, so you do the chivalrous thing and you offer to help. She managed it on her own though and with a twinkle in her eye and a lingering glance in my direction, she checked in saying that she was staying for the night and then left again. There was a study earlier this year which said the South African accent was the sexiest accent in the world. Once I’d heard her voice, I would argue the hell out of that decision. It was incredible. I couldn’t take my eyes off of her as I watched her go. I was supposed to leave that day but immediately I checked in for another night. I wanted the faintest possible chance of seeing that twinkle again.

As luck or fate would have it, I was around when she came back and once again, I offered to carry her luggage. This time she said yes. I’d like to think it was down to a twinkle in my eye but it could have been because she was staying on the top floor and there was no lift! We chatted, introduced ourselves to each other and she opened the door to her room and invited me to wheel her luggage in. I did, she thanked me with a smile and I turned to leave. I needed to go and buy food so I offered to pick some things up for her if she wanted anything. She politely declined but asked if she could come along instead? You can probably guess my response.

The store in question was a good forty minutes away meaning that I got her to to myself for more than an hour and there may have been more than one grin at the thought of it. Sometimes you get lucky with even just an hour of conversation with someone. An ocean of words flowed between us. We agreed to meet outside once we’d finished shopping. I picked up loads of things and was back outside ten minutes later. She’s a girl so she took longer, finally emerging with biltong and pineapple. I might have laughed out loud at the sight of it, especially as she headed straight for the clothes section when we went in.

The walk back was even better than the walk there, and I knew then that I wanted to kiss her, although I knew that the chance that she would say yes was incredibly small. It was never an awkward conversation, a very rare thing when you speak with someone properly for the first time. It was nice to hang out and enjoy each other’s company. A couple of hours when you couldn’t have kept a smile off of my face. Pretty special.

We got back, we started speaking to another couple of people and before long, the wine was flowing and stories were being shared. She mentioned chocolate at one point so obviously I bought her some. At different points, I just watched her and smiled. More than once, I caught her looking at me and she’d smile and look away. A good sign, right? How good does it feel when you look at someone and they’re already staring at you? Spending time with her was intoxicating. She’s a girl with fire and frenzy in her heart. She makes me laugh, she makes me think. I couldn’t be cautious around her, even if I wanted to.

I like talking to you, she said. You make me smile, she said. You give me good advice, she said. Now, the first two I could almost believe. The third? No fucking chance!

What if the reason you like someone is the hundreds of things that they do, that they don’t even know that they’re doing? You take it all. The flaws, the giggles, the jokes, the mistakes, the sarcasm, the smiles, the tears.

And then later that night, like a complete idiot, I told her how I felt in a roundabout way. Her love of chocolate may have led her to snaffling a chocolate cookie that I was pretty sure didn’t belong to her. I gave her two choices, either I tell the cookie owner about her daylight robbery or she had to kiss me. Our fingers interlocked and she kissed me. We spent the next while laughing and joking, sneaking kisses and hugs and generally being the two most annoying people on the planet. There may have been a marriage proposal, there may have been talk of moving away to be with her, just getting caught up in the moment. Right?

We stay up talking almost until the sun rises.

Later, my arm is around her impossibly beautiful, soft neck. She has her head resting on my chest. She falls asleep first. How she doesn’t wake up with the sound of my heart beating will forever be a mystery to me. It’s raining heavily, the sound is beautiful. The wind is ripping through the trees outside. All I can hear though is her breathing. It might be one of the most perfect things that I’ve ever heard. I smile, my eyes smile and then get heavy and I sleep too. I wake first and I hear the same sounds of her breathing. She hasn’t spoken a word to me in a couple of hours but I can’t help but listen to her sleep. My eyes are closed, her fingers still wrapped around mine, holding me close. It’s like forever waiting for that moment when her eyes open, she smiles and leans across with a kiss. What she doesn’t know is that as she holds my hand, my fingers are crossed hoping that first kiss of the day happens. Hopefully not the last kiss of the day. I have butterflies.

There are nearly eight billion people in the world and her smile is in my top two.

Where do I stand with her? I don’t know. What do I mean to her? I don’t know. There is no map for where we’re going. It’s in defiance of common sense but I can’t help it. She’s crazy for even wanting to kiss me but her crazy is beautiful to me. She could probably pick a fight in a telephone box with herself. What I do know is that every time that I’ve thought about her since she left, I want to be right there beside her. I miss hanging out with her. A lot. I don’t think that there would ever be a bad time to have her around. How good would it be to wake up in the middle of night, roll over and see the person that you’re with and knowing that you’re in the exact place in the world that you should be? Will it go anywhere? Most likely it won’t and that’s okay.

It can be hard to wait around for something that you know might never happen. You have to take the chance though. Surely it’s harder to give up someone or something when you know what and who it is that you want?

She’s different. She’s super smart. She’s kind of crazy and her sarcasm knows no bounds. I might pretend that I don’t like getting the piss taken out of me by her but she knows and I know that we both know that I love it.

No matter how hard I try to focus, my mind keeps drifting back to her. To see her again. To hug her again. To make her laugh again. To kiss her again. To make her smile again. To fall asleep beside her again.

There she is, isn’t she everything? It would be nice to never stop finding out.

@TheSamMcLeod

4 thoughts on “Anything you need.

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