Let’s savour what we’re falling over.

Isn’t life made up of a never-ending amount of choices, decisions and questions? It’s easy to deal with the little ones, soup or sushi for lunch, fish or steak for dinner. It doesn’t really matter, eat whatever you’re in the mood for. Which footwear, jeans or top to wear today? It’s pretty insignificant, you go with whatever you want to, don’t you? Tiny questions to ask yourself, miniscule decisions to be made, not things that will impact your life in a massive way. Huge or small though, they’re all still important to us in some way. Maybe you’re taking a girl for dinner, so anything with garlic is probably not the best idea, you might be wishing for that kiss to come at the end of the night. It’s probably a good idea to dress well too, you want to impress so that the chances of that kiss coming is greater.

It’s the big decisions, the ones that will change things for you forever that are tougher to make. Some we’ll be proud of, some we’ll regret and some will haunt us for the rest of our days. We all need different amounts of time to process and decide on the more important stuff, it’s different for everyone, right? A lot of times, they’re there in front of our faces and they can be extraordinarily difficult, but we need to choose at some point what or who it is we want. Perhaps sometimes though, it’s the smallest decisions that can change your life forever. Asking a question isn’t difficult. Thing is, you might want to ask it but what happens if it eventually comes too late, but what if you can’t think about that now? What comes next could be amazing, take the chance? It’s like a beautiful woman, you want to look at her, to breathe her in before you kiss her, but do you have the stones to follow through? Some people say that the same is boring, but when you know, you know. We all watch the stars at some point, but don’t you want to watch them with someone you love? The truth is though that bad choices are bad choices. Ditto for the good ones. We can’t fuck around forever though. So we choose, we listen to our conscience, we ask ourselves a question, then we decide before asking someone else the exact same thing that we just asked ourself. Sure, you can spend your life listening to nothing but isn’t it for the hope of what you might hear? An answer to the question you pose means everything, just as long as it’s the right answer. It might be fifty fifty, better or worse odds, but isn’t it better for you to know if it’s a no or a yes? Moving on alone or with someone that you want to be with. The day comes and it’s time to ask the question, either shit or get off of the pot.

After leaving my apartment, I feel this cold inside me.

Break-ups suck balls. Sometimes, maybe most of the time, each person involved blames the other for the end of things, that’s just natural emotion. It’s worth remembering though that you shouldn’t always believe what you hear or read, the only two people that know the truth are the two people that are no longer together. Regardless, feelings and thoughts are involved on both sides. What comes next, how do I get over this, do I give you a second chance despite knowing what you did to me? No one else knows the truth except you and I but is my ego that big that I can’t forgive?

Time is apparently a great healer and whoever coined the phrase is right, but it’s okay for feelings to remain, isn’t it?

Walking alone along the beach and listening to the swell of the waves, my mood changes from remembering the initial excitement of the romance, to being weighed down by the inevitable loneliness that no one should experience as the end of all the emotions hit my horizon. I guess at the start, when you’re that high up with love, it turns out that it’s a long way down. Time though, what’s normal is whatever works for you, no need for second guessing.

Time to make another choice. Everything is going to change and it’s not me that has a choice or decision to make. The difficulty of understanding the question is understood but I know what the future can hold. New friends, a better quality of life, warm summers, every day on the beach or in the ocean if you want to.

Women apparently speak on average about 20k words a day, men about 17k. The three most important? I love you. The four? I still love you. Maybe the next three words right now? Come with me? The question is asked, an answer is waited on and I head for the place that won’t be home for much longer.

After leaving your apartment, I hear the coast.

@TheSamMcLeod
@YouMeMusicLife

It’s complicated.

Day 3.

Maybe life has been reasonably safe for you in 2018, and that’s a fantastic thing, but could 2019 be an opportunity or time for a little danger? Christmas is gone, so if you’re making a list of what’s on your mind of what you want to achieve next year, you don’t need to check it twice. What is on the list for next year though, safe things or dangerous things? Get fit, don’t eat so much, lose weight, be in touch with people more? All of those things are great, but they’re safe, aren’t they? That’s okay, but isn’t the dawn of a new year a chance to stretch yourself and do some things that you didn’t think you could do, that you didn’t think was a possibility?

Everyone has a different impression on what constitutes taking risks. A bungee or parachute jump, travelling somewhere that you’ve never been before, moving house, perhaps starting something new with someone. Sure, the world is a dangerous place to live in at times, but isn’t part of enjoying it, experiencing something you never expected that you would?

It can be difficult though, because when you make any decision, the best thing you can do is obviously the right thing and probably the worst thing you can do is nothing at all. What if you don’t know which is which, whether to say yes or no to something? Maybe you seek advice from your friends, it’s not a bad idea. All of us are different though about what we perceive to be the right or wrong thing to do. Trust yourself?

Is the wrong thing at the right moment okay? It might not go as you planned, but it doesn’t mean that it was a bad idea or the wrong choice to make. Everything’s not going to go perfectly all of the time. Everybody has said or done the wrong thing and regretted it later, but at the time, you’re in the moment so you can’t help it. As you get older, you become more guarded about some things that you want to say yes to and you definitely get used to learn the things you want to say no to. Maybe the first thing that comes into your mind if you have to make a choice is the wrong thing. If you find yourself afraid or scared, does that means you’ve chosen poorly? Perhaps nothing’s dangerous if you know what you’re doing.

You still make a choice if you have to though, don’t you?

We used to message each other every day but then, all of a sudden, those messages stopped coming. There are no words that can be articulated to explain why, but clearly something changed. Something changed again and then she sends a new message years later. Suddenly, a decision is difficult. Stop and think about the words to reply with. Don’t reply at all? What’s going to happen? Could it be a thing? It’s dangerous to try and find out but a leap of faith is needed. Say yes and then worry about the consequences of it all going wrong later? Say no and regret not saying yes? It’s got the potential to be a new thing but is it dangerous for something to scare you that much? Tough to know, but tougher not to know? Your emotions have a way of playing with your head.

If it happens, will affection, appreciation and attention be enough? Maybe the biggest lesson is to not stop doing the things you did to get the person you want once you have them.

A dangerous choice needs to be made. Good or bad things will happen, fuck it, a reply is sent.

Am I out of my head, am I out of my mind? No one has to get it, just you and me. Nothing’s that bad if it feels good.

@TheSamMcLeod
#YouMeMusicLifeResolutions