Call me Superman.

Most people probably have a day of the year that we enjoy and like best. Our birthday? New Year’s Day or New Year’s Eve, Memorial Day, Independence Day, Labor Day, Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, Australia Day, Saint Patrick’s Day, All Saints’ Day, Liberation Day, there are way too many to mention.

How about Lupercalia? If you’re not Italian, it’s understandable if you’ve never heard of it or have no idea what it is. Shit, even if you are, it’s perfectly understandable to have zero clue about the origin of it. Just an ancient Roman festival held every year between February 13 and February 15 celebrating fertility and health, who doesn’t want to be have both of those things? Spotted the day that falls in the middle yet?

Valentine’s Day, what an absolute minefield, even if you’re in a relationship. Do you celebrate it, what do you buy your significant other, do you cook, do you have reservations about even doing anything at all? Fuck it, go all in or don’t bother at all, reservations are for restaurants, aren’t they?

A lot of the days mentioned have become commercialised but that’s not to say that they mean anything less to any of us. The fourteenth day of the shortest month of the year can be a tough one if you’re on your own. It’s too easy for thoughts to turn to the last boy or girl that you can’t stop thinking about. Maybe you told them how you feel, maybe you didn’t, but you still think about them, don’t you? If they said yes or no, then things go one way or the other. You get together or you don’t. If you didn’t ask, then how will you ever know, especially if you can’t stop thinking about them? Is it worse if they know and they don’t do anything about it?

The person that whenever they decide to be in touch with you has the ability to make you doubt yourself beyond reason. Emotions and feelings, it would be nice sometimes if they just fucked off. Who wants to second guess themself, to be anxious, to ask if this is something that you really want to pursue or that you should simply let go of. Isn’t the first step is to figure it out for yourself, and then take a deep breath and choose which way you’re headed? Identifying the emotions that you can’t stand feeling about someone is super important.

Sounds easy when you say it, but you know they’re your emotional kryptonite.

It’s easy for that someone to make you feel rejected or worthless but deep down you know that you’re not. Feelings again, do they really help though? Just when you think you’ve moved on from what you had or what it is that you think you wanted, an email drops into your inbox. The ping of your cell lets you know that you have a new text. Some people even go old school and write you a letter or send you a card, the sound of the letterbox means you have mail, always exciting to see what’s come for you. Except when it’s not.

By their very nature, emotions that we can’t tolerate feeling, overwhelm us. Do you respond? How many times have you gone to try and send an email or a text message and then read it back and delete it before sending? Should you even reply in the first place? You were doing okay and now they’ve made the first move and you need to make a choice. Reply or delete, the ball is in your court now. Doubt though. It’s important to remember that it’s just a feeling, it’s not going to kill you. Carry on with the way things are going or take a chance and type out some words that might change everything for you, how do you choose?

Maybe it’s a new dilemma for you, difficult not to feel like you stumbled in and bumped your head.

I’m in a hotel for a week and everyone knows that they can be a pretty lonely place. Still, it is what it is, so you try and make the best of it. When you’re in a strange city and you don’t know anyone, it can be difficult to meet people. Nothing new, we’ve all been there. A day off comes up, but you’re always awake at the same time, so I get up, throw on the running gear and head out. As I’m pasing through reception, I spot a fellow guest, she catches my eye too and we smile at each other. It’s not even 6am and she looks immaculate, clearly out of my league, so I think no more of it, other than it’s a nice start to the day.

I bump into her the next day, and the next and the next one after that. She’s super shy, but friendly and we talk when we see each other. If you can make someone laugh, make someone smile, then regardless of anything else, isn’t that a cool thing? The aforementioned loneliness is sorted by spending time together, chatting, sharing wine and talking about different places and things that we’ve done. Could it ever be something? For once, my head and my heart align and I think not, but it’s still cool to spend time with someone that you have fun with. I don’t ask the question because I know that she’ll say no and I don’t want to hear that word, I just enjoy the moment. Let’s face it, It would be like if I glued my head to a railroad track and then waited for a train to come along. We’re inseparable for the next week and the other people that have shared our time, told me to go for it but I can’t, no is not a nice word. I can see in her face that she knows what I think but the week ends and we both go our separate ways.

We see each other again more than once, but it’s friendly, nothing more, but I know that she knows, that I know. Time to distance myself, there is no contact for what seems like an eternity but I’m cool with it.

Lupercalia, the middle day comes along, and there’s a card that drops through the letterbox, and a message that pings into my phone. ‘Happy Valentine’s Day.” Just ignore them and wait for my stomach to stop bouncing around? It’s hard to decide.

Call me Superman.

@TheSamMcLeod
@YouMeMusicLife

Give yourself a moment.

We all have a lot of stuff going on in our lives. Some good things, maybe some great things, some bad things, maybe some awful things. We all have a ton of problems, different things that we need to think about, to make decisions on every day. Some of them are known only to you; some might involve other people. Some things are big, some are little, but they’re definitely different for all of us. All of our problems are unique though, because we are unique. We all lead lives filled with issues, some can be changed or fixed easily, some can have you scratching your head about what the fuck to do about them. Just life I guess, sucks to be an adult at times.

Life can throw you a curveball when other people’s problems impact your life. You’d do anything for your family or friends though, wouldn’t you? Time to look after them before focussing on yourself, but whilst it’s not always the easiest thing to do, it’s the right thing to do. Help others, but if you can’t, the last thing you want to do is hurt them, so you try your hardest. Advice, a shoulder to cry on, letting them know that you’re at the end of the phone for them, let them know that they’re not alone. The little things sometimes turn into the biggest things. Isn’t it a beautiful concept that others come first and you come second? Perhaps it’s a form of love that makes you think, that makes you believe that the happiness of another person is essential to your own happiness. Loving a friend so selflessly means that you share in their happiness whether you are part of it or not.That can never be bad, make someone happy and be happy too, win win. Sure it’s easy to take from people, but sometimes all you can do is give until it hurts. You give what you can whether it’s a little or a lot. Maybe it’s who we are from the start? Like everyone that’s gone before all of us, we all have our strengths and weaknesses. It’s easy to be a good friend to others but sometimes it’s more difficult to be more of a friend to yourself.

Caring and thinking of others is awesome but if your present moment is filled with good things, and you’re switched on, you see them. Maybe you need to give yourself your own advice and take yourself away from life for a while, and get totally immersed in the right now rather than everything else that’s going on around you. You need to stop and take a breath sometimes, give yourself a moment and let your body be. Count one, two, three.

An email drops into my inbox that I don’t expect. I don’t know the person, I have no idea when I see their email address and picture as to why I’m even on their radar. I read the message, I understand it and it’s an opportunity to change my life. Not in a Nigerian prince offering billions of dollars for my bank account details kind of way, but something that will need to turn the focus on myself, rather than the friends and family that I’ve been making sure are okay for the past number of years. It feels like that all I have and that all I need is right here in this moment. My index finger hovers over the reply icon. What if life is about not knowing as much as you think you know, about having to change everything, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next? Scary, but maybe every great move forward in your life begins with a leap of faith, with putting one foot in front of the other, taking a step into the unknown. I can be here now but will it be better to be somewhere else later? Consonants and vowels are formed, words take shape. The index finger hovers again but finally clicks the send button.

It’s taking a chance, but shouldn’t you try and promise yourself that you’ll enjoy every minute of the day that is given to you? No point in fucking worrying yourself with what happened yesterday, or what’s going to happen tomorrow, none of us know. What if you get that one call, that one email, that one text, that might change the possibility of everything for you? Maybe we all need to learn that this moment is enough, as long as we have the belief to make it so. It’s all an adventure, so why not try and look after yourself from time to time?

We all endure tough times and the dawning of a new year can feel almost cathartic. Looking after people rather than yourself is an emotionally draining experience. The here and now is all we have, but if we get it right, isn’t it all we’ll need? Nothing is more important than this day. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow isn’t here yet, so the focus needs to be on today. That said, there’s less than 72 hours until a meeting that could change my life forever. Those people I’ve been fighting for are okay now, but they might need to be without me for a little while, because this is about me for a second.

Excited?

It’s okay to be chasing stars and to find a place and lose it.

@TheSamMcLeod
@YouMeMusicLife

When the sun starts coming out.

When a relationship ends, it’s difficult for both people, regardless of who makes the decison that things can’t continue any more. You might have been thinking the same thing but you just didn’t have the guts to pull the trigger first. Emotions can be mixed, but maybe the negative ones come first. Hurt, regret, sadness, tears, all of us have experienced those feelings. The nights come and they’re brutal, the suffering begins. Sleep is difficult, there’s a heightened silence, it’s easy to feel that you just want to disappear for a while.

Once you find yourself beginning to get over things or thinking that you’re getting over things, perhaps that’s when there’s a chink of light in the dark. Excitement, hope, relief, surely there will be someone that comes next for you, assuming that’s what you want.

It’s difficult to know when you’re ready though. All you can do is to go about your day, live your life, be as good a person as you can be and then maybe something happens. It can be a minefield, right? Take politeness, has it become so rare that people mistake it for flirting? So, you’re a nice person, you smile a lot and try to be cool and friendly to the people that you meet. Tough though, because it can be seen as flirting when it’s not meant in that way. Just because you’re being nice and making conversation with someone doesn’t mean that you want to take them to bed. Good conversation between two people of the opposite sex doesn’t have to be anything more than that.

Flirting is one of those things, just like everything else in the world, that some people are just better at. Is it something that’s probably just as much about learning to like yourself again, as much as it is about liking someone else? Trying to see yourself through someone’s eyes and realising that whilst your confidence has taken a knock, you might just be okay? Do you wait and see what happens, or try and chat up everyone that you meet that you think you might like? It’s a lottery, the chances of winning are extremely slim but millions still play, in it to win it, right? Hitting on every girl in sight is like buying a shit ton of tickets, one of them might pay off at some point.

How do you even flirt? Look someone straight in their eyes, smile, use their name a lot, pay them compliments? If it’s been a while, it’s tough to know which approach to take. It’s okay to be nervous, hopefully your courage kicks in, but it’s hard not to think of your last relationship if it hurt you though.

If I did, I’d be a broken man, full of broken dreams, with a broken heart.

My lease is up on my apartment, so I have to move. The issue is that the new place won’t be ready for a few months, and crashing with friends for a couple of days is okay, but you don’t want to ever inconvenience anyone. I know that I’m only taking up the new place to rent it out before moving back overseas for work, so a hotel it is. I check in, it’s cool, but it’s lonely. You need to force yourself to get out there and meet people, it’s too easy to sit in your room. A few weeks in, I try to renew my booking but it’s full for the next week due to a big conference in the city. Availability is limited and all that’s left is a hostel. I’ve not stayed in one before but fuck it, every day is an adventure. To my surprise, it’s actually pretty cool, I have my own room, there’s a full kitchen, internet access, what more do you need? The best part? Different people are coming and going every day, who knows who I might meet? Nothing romantic enters my head but meeting new people from across the globe, people on their travels, what’s not to like? Knowing the area well, it’s nice to be able to recommend things to do and see to others. Politeness.

New friendships are made, conversations in the kitchen with random strangers of varying nationalities happens regularly, drinks are shared, music is played, some have dodgier tastes than others, but that’s okay. How can broadening your horizons be a bad thing?

There’s a Canadian girl I meet, travelling on her own around the country, but she’s here to take care of some family things. We strike up a conversation one night and she shows me a map of all the places that she wants to visit once she’s done what she needs to do. Advice is given and I don’t think any more of it, as nice as she is. Politeness. She ends up staying for longer than expected and the conversations become more regular, meals are cooked for all of our new mutual friends, wine is shared and friendships evolve.

It’s a Saturday night about ten days in, and a small group of us are cooking and drinking, music is on, each of us gets to pick the next song to play. A friend tells me to hurry up before there’s no more night left. My mind is blank, but he tells me that she clearly likes me and to that I need to do something about it before she leaves. Fuck. I know that we’re all looking for that tiny spark that we’ve been dancing around with to set off an explosion in our lives, but I didn’t even know that we were dancing, I thought that she was just being polite too.

It’s my turn to choose a song and you sing along if it’s a song you know, don’t you? She looks at me and asks me the question that my friend saw coming but I didn’t. I have to say no because I promised someone that I wouldn’t move on until things were finalised between us. I’m missing out but a promise is a promise. It’s not the first time, it might not be the last, but I can see how I’ve disappointed her, although it was never my intention. The song plays, and I sing along, almost under my breath.

It’s going to be alright, you’re going to be golden, you’re going to be falling in love before you know it. Am I telling her or am I telling myself?

@TheSamMcLeod
@YouMeMusicLife

I fucked it up again.

How do you define character? Doing something that you don’t want to do but deep down knowing that you should? Standing up for, or protecting someone close to you regardless of what they’ve done? Just be trying to be a good person, full of compassion and love for anything and everything around you? Choosing to be as good as you can be from the moment that you step out of bed? Sure, we all control our own choices, but sometimes someone might throw you a curveball, they need you to keep a secret for them. People are entitled to their secrets, but is it selfish of them to decide to share those with you, especially if they know that it’s going to have an impact on your life? What if it’s a secret that affects two of the most important people you know? One of them has confided in you, whilst the other person has no idea about any of it. It’s not always easy to decide what the right thing to do is, but is keeping secrets the equivalent to lying? It’s probably right that the best way to keep a secret is to pretend that it doesn’t exist. Easier said than done. Anyone who’s ever been entrusted with a big secret and who struggles to keep it, knows exactly what that feels like.

All of us are blessed with free will though, you can choose to decide between saying nothing or saying something. The moment you share a secret however, you’ve lost all semblance of control with it. Keeping the secret that now belongs to you and maintaining your silence is probably the best way to go, right? Maybe it’s about not being owned by someone else’s secret that’s the easiest way to cope with someone messing with your conscience, your moral compass.

If I’ve learned anything about women, and I probably haven’t, it’s that pride and stubborness have a way of warping men’s thinking, whereas perhaps the ladies in all of our lives, can manage to be a bit more composed when it comes to making a decision. Girls seem to have that ability to always find the right words. I don’t know whether to speak up or hold my tongue, there’s going to be consequences either way.

I can read between the lines, I want to run from everything.

Moving to live and work in a new city and country is exciting, everything is an adventure, the newness of it all is intoxicating. Meeting new people, experiencing a different lifestyle. Discovering new hobbies, finding a local watering hole for those after work drinks, travelling and seeing places that you never thought you’d see in your entire life, pretty damn cool. It turns out though, that it doesn’t matter how old you are, you can still get homesick. Whilst you’re forging a new life for yourself, it’s easy to be a tiny bit sad from time to time. Thoughts turn to the people that I’ve left behind and a plan is hatched after six months to go back and visit. Quick tip, if you move to the other side of the world, either get your friends to figure out what time difference means, or switch your phone off at night! Calls are made, flights are booked, and I don’t know it yet, but plans are made also, catching up with friends will easily be the highlights of the trip. If I was any happier right now, I’d be triplets.

Two of the most important people in my life are in a relationship and dinner reservations are made for the first night back. They didn’t know each other until one night years ago when I played matchmaker and set them up, and they’ve been together ever since. She ends up having to work so it’s a boy’s night, there will be time to see her again. It’s a night you’d expect, two friends letting off steam after not seeing each other for so long. It’s more of a liquid dinner and then it’s onto a night of bar-hopping. We bump into some of her female friends and they join us. Way too much tequila is had but after a 37 hour journey, I know that sleep will come easily tonight. I have to say my goodbyes but can’t find my friend to say goodnight. As I leave, I see a couple kissing and my heart sinks. It’s him but it’s not with his her. Shit has gone sideways. He sees me, she leaves and there’s an immediate demand to know what the hell is going on. He confesses to seeing someone else for months now and begs me to keep his secret, he doesn’t want his relationship to end, but he doesn’t want to let go of this new girl either. Talk about a hospital pass, what to do now? Damned if I tell her and damned if I don’t.

It turns out that she has to go away for work for a week, so I have time to mull things over. I’ve been friends with her for a lot longer so I have to say something. Don’t I? I put the responsibility back on him and decide that some secrets are meant to stay secret forever, I don’t want any part of it. Little did any of us know that one of her friends told her that she saw him kissing the girl that night, and that I saw it also. A storm is coming and I’m inadvertently a part of it.

She comes home and we meet for coffee and I’m oblivious to what she’s aware of. She tells me that she knows, accuses me of being disrespectful and a shit friend, hard to argue. She leaves in tears, so I sit there on my own learning the cost of keeping something to myself. No matter how much you try to contain a fire, it always burns the way it sees fit. I’ve been the arsonist, can I be the fireman? I reach out because you care all the way or you don’t care at all. Still no response and my heart hurts, especially as I have to leave soon.

The timing’s poor, I know it’s never right.

@TheSamMcLeod
@YouMeMusicLife

Perfect pretenders.

Don’t we all want things in our life to be perfect? It becomes easy to lie to yourself when you find out that everything isn’t quite what you’d hoped. Maybe when you get to that point in your relationship where you just feel like you don’t know each other anymore, or it turns out that you perhaps didn’t know each other to begin with, you realise that the end is near. You thought you knew what this was. You can think that your relationship is good, but when it turns out that it’s not, but you know that you wanted it to be, it can sting. It’s good to remember the good things though instead of the bad, no point in making yourself hurt more than you already are. Nothing wrong with that, something ends and you both move on. Some do it more quickly than others, whilst some of us are a bit more guarded, a bit less trusting. It’s a shame, but you choose to let people into the deepest parts of your heart, life or mind when you’re ready. If they’re worth it, won’t they stick about and wait for that minute when you finally let your guard down?

At some point in our lives, most, if not all of us will have discovered that feeling of secretly liking someone that’s suddenly come on your radar. You wish that they knew what you thought about them, but it’s okay to be scared of what the answer might be if you dared ask a question. So, you keep it to yourself, you try to lock it inside, and then perhaps one day that moment will come when they notice you or you finally get your shit together and ask them. No big deal if they say no, there are a ton of people out there for all of us, right? That one person for each of us thing can’t be real, can it? Liking someone doesn’t mean you have to be lovers, sometimes maybe you just end up friends. Maybe nothing at all happens between you both and you carry on with your life. It’s tough to make yourself not like someone but you work it out.

If you don’t expect to like someone and then you do, it can come as a bit of a shock, especially if you don’t think you’re ready.

She came out of nowhere. Just like in the movies.

It was innocent, yet also a reminder about how many different ways there are to meet people these days. It can happen pretty much anywhere now, can’t it? A bar, a restaurant, a nightclub, a supermarket, a hotel lobby, a dating site, the possibilities are almost endless. Nowadays, it seems like Facebook, Instagram and Twitter have decided to crash the party. Take Twitter, a good way to turn ten minutes into an hour. It’s always cool if someone new follows you, but if someone started following you in the street though, you’d be right to feel more than a little bit alarmed. Okay, maybe not the best example ever, but it’s different online, you’re protected somewhat, you choose who you follow, who follows you, who you interact with. It can be random who decides to be a part of your timeline, but isn’t that half of the fun? You can learn new things, meet new people, expand your social circle. I’m definitely not the only one who has met Twitter friends in real life and every single one of them has been amazing. They are amazing.

I guess it’s different for a lot of us. Some people automatically follow everyone back, and that’s cool, it’s our own individual experience, so you should be able to choose. It’s not a snub if you don’t immediately follow back, it’s definitely something that might change in time, no biggie. Someone might decide to follow you, so you check out what they’ve been saying and you either follow back if you like their words, or you decide not to if you don’t.

Obviously you need to be careful, but you trust yourself with your judgement. Never underestimate how much a tweet or a reply might change your circumstances though.

A girl that I don’t know adds me, so I check her out. She looks cool, is into some similar things, and I find some of what she says amusing, so I follow back. Almost immediately, it’s forgotten about, we’ve all got shit to do in our daily lives, right? One night, I’m distracted and scrolling through and I see a tweet from her. She looks like she might be in trouble, so I reply to see if she’s okay. How much trouble can you really be in though, if you have time to tweet about it? Always clever after the fact. A reply comes in and she’s okay, so all good. Nothing wrong with caring about people, even if they’re strangers.

A few days later, a note drops into my messages, thanking me for looking out for her. No problem, a cursory reply is sent. She chooses to keep the conversation going and we end up messaging each other most days from then on. I like the way she used her words, and then one day, I liked the way we used our words together. You can usually tell if someone likes you and you definitely know if you like them back, you can feel that there’s something there. Email addresses are exchanged, numbers are swapped and daily conversations become a part of the norm. Facetiming every day, who knew that would become a verb?

I’m still not 100% sure that I’m ready to let go of the past, but she seems like the kind of someone that you don’t want to play by the so called rules for. Wait three days and then be in touch again? Why can’t tomorrow be our three days, why can’t tonight?

We just didn’t know what it would become. We’ve all been guilty of letting things move too fast with someone new. Head over heels for something that’s not real? Isn’t it right that if two people jump into a relationship too fast, they’re headed for failure? Thoughts of that person will pop into your mind randomly and repeatedly throughout the day, so it can be difficult to try and let your relationship develop at its own pace. How many times have you wanted something to really be something and then you find out that it’s not? Reality kicks in. It was far too much, far too soon and it fizzled out. There might have been a lot in common, but maybe there was nothing alike.

It’s probably always an idea to give your brain enough time to catch up with your pheromones.

That bridge might look like it’s burnt to a crisp right now, but maybe it’s for the best. Then again, it might not be, I guess time will tell.

Maybe it could never be us. At the moment, it’s just you and I.

@YouMeMusicLife
@TheSamMcLeod

We were boxing the stars.

Sometimes it’s the tiniest things that brings your feelings to the surface. A spark of emotion can trigger a laugh, a smile, a tear. Different things do that to each of us, a random meeting with someone that you didn’t expect to see, perhaps a message out of the blue.

All you want with someone is to feel good, right? When you’re with them, it doesn’t matter that the world is messed up, because they could be your world now. That one person that makes your bad days good, and your good days even better.

It’s sad to have love and not be able to share it with anyone, but isn’t that the point, you don’t want to share it with just anyone? You need to take a chance sometimes, do you keep your hand by your side forever or put it on someone’s heart? Take a leap of faith and hope that they treat you right? Sure, go for your life, no one needs or wants to be played though, so you’re careful. There’s no sense in being with someone when all they want to do is manipulate you. Someone who wants to beguile and seduce you is infinitely better, right? If you’re looking for, or trying to find someone new, there will be hiccups, there will be bumps in the road. The good parts can become great, but now and again it’s hard not to think of those times when things went wrong before with someone different. You still try though if you really want to, no point in moping around forever, but it takes balls to put yourself out there.

How do you read the signs to figure out that someone likes you? Maybe everyone around you tells you that the person is into you, always nice to have a helping hand if you’re not self-aware. When they’re always the one to start the conversation, when they listen to you all the time, when they continually offer you compliments, doesn’t the penny begin to drop? Perhaps they’re a friend so you’re naturally in touch regularly. You can look back on things later and realise that the conversations always centred on the same topics. No one that you like are good enough for you, in their opinion. The subject gets changed when you mention someone that you might potentially be into, they’re always talking in future tense about what comes next for the both of you. When you’re in their company, you catch their eye and they’re staring at you, whilst smiling a lot. They find excuses for you to be alone together and they remember details about you that others don’t.

It’s possible to look at people differently as your friendship or relationship grows. Feelings can change and then there might come a day when you can’t hold back. You might finally click that a friend is looking for an answer to a question that you’re not sure if you’re prepared to ask. Tough to do, what if the whole situation between you both changes, will you kick yourself forever or be happy to have taken the plunge? You can like someone without always having to tell them and yes, the rejection might be painful, but isn’t it worth putting yourself out there? Shouldn’t they find it flattering even if they don’t like you back in that way? Thinking about it too much can be a difficult place and sometimes you don’t know if you can ask any of your other friends for advice. You can be absolutely surrounded by people but feel lonelier than ever.

Have you ever been alone in a crowded room?

She didn’t let him know about her secret for a long time, thinking that she was content to stay in the friend zone forever. One night she told him drunkenly during a lengthy catch up, that he was just wasting time with any of the other girl friends in his life, and then promptly hung up. Clearly, some things are too obvious to some to stay a secret for too long. He has to move forward but isn’t entirely sure that he’s really thinking, the dynamic has changed now. A conversation happens again soon after, and it’s clear that she doesn’t remember anything that she said to him. What to do, does he say something or not? She’s a cool girl, they’ve been friends for years and maybe there could be something, it could be the start of something amazing.

No point asking the question unless there might be that possibility to take it to the next level. Courage is plucked up, the words are spoken and he gets that one reply that can break you. No. Talk about using a shotgun to kill a mosquito.

Time passes and she’s in touch again. Make your mind up if you like someone, this doesn’t need to be a masked ball where we all go as someone else. Be yourself.

It’s now clear that she likes him a lot but when someone says no, it’s difficult to go back, isn’t the friendship a more important thing to save? She could have been a girl that he could have fallen in love with, but she’s pressuring him to do something now that he wanted to do before, and something doesn’t sit right. Can he fix the problem between them? Can she accept things and realise what they had and hopefully still have, is more important than potentially fucking it all up?

He knows that it’s not going to work out now, and it’s for the better if they give it up. Only one of them is willing to admit it, but even though she messed it up, she should know that he’ll always be there for her in the end. It’s difficult but don’t we all need to do what feels right, even if someone wants us to do something else?

What you could possibly expect under this condition? If you’ve ever been alone, you’ll know.

There was a chance, but maybe we were boxing the stars.

@TheSamMcLeod

It just takes some time.

Day 12.

2019, another day of growing. Another day of growing up though?

When we’re young, the thought of getting older doesn’t enter our heads too much. We’re young, we’re innocent, we pretty much don’t have a care in the world. Our parents look after us, we get the love that we didn’t know we needed, but it’s there. The cost of clothes, food, things to do as a family are all covered by someone else. You don’t know yet how grateful you are because you’re not emotionally mature enough. One day things change though, and then maybe one of the two most important people in your life aren’t there anymore.

Relationships end, but you only know and understand that when you’re older. Dad was there and then he wasn’t. He visited a lot though, so at first things didn’t seem too different. We hung out, we did things that any child and parent would do, kick a ball around, go to the park, hit the funfair. Essentially though, you’re being raised every day by a single parent. Money is tight, things are hard and despite the other parent being around, you realise that things are different now. No trips for the three of you together, less attention obviously, and a dawning realisation that your life will probably never be the same again.

A lot of older people say that your schooldays are the best days of your life, but at the time, you think they’re bonkers, right? There’s a saying that “there’s nothing more pure and cruel as a child.”

Word spreads at school and the bigger boys, the bullies are lapping it up. Fun is made of the fact that he’s not around so much. Your clothes aren’t as new as they once were and you know that she can’t afford what she once could. No fault of anyone, just circumstance. It doesn’t stop those bullies taunting you every day, to the point where you wish that the day could end and you could be at home. Going home with a black eye or blood on you, quickly makes you learn that it’s better to lie, rather than to hurt someone else with the truth. I tripped, I fell, it happened at sports. You might not be religious but you pray for the weekend to come.

You dread Monday coming around, don’t you worry what their bitter hearts are going to say?

Is it true that people who love life don’t hurt anyone? Perhaps the more that some people hate themselves, the more they want others to suffer hurt, emotionally or physically. It’s so difficult sometimes to be yourself in a world where a lot of people around you during your formative years, are trying to make you be someone else. Bullying is fucking horrible, but it turns out that there’s no reason for it to stick with you forever. Bullying is for people who zero confidence, they’re scared of you. You have something that they don’t, and that’s why they pick on you. Try not to let their words affect you because they’re the ones needing confidence, not you. Sure, you try and do all of the little things it takes to dodge them as you grow up, but you should never stop trying to having fun too. You don’t want to become everything that you were afraid of when you were growing up.

It’s tough and sometimes you hold on to things the way that they used to be. You can wonder what’s to come for you and that’s okay. You can feel bullied as an adult but don’t all of the same rules as a child to try and get past it all, still apply as you get older? There are new days to come, there will be other days to come.

This year could be amazing, maybe you have something on your horizon that excites the hell out of you? Is there sometimes a part of you that thinks because something came together so beautifully and so quickly, that it doesn’t mean as much as something you struggled with? You might be imitated by many, but you’re duplicated by none.

Don’t write yourself off yet.

@TheSamMcLeod
#YouMeMusicLifeResolutions