Light up your wildest dreams.

When is the best time to start or try something new? Today, tomorrow? Maybe it depends on what it is, perhaps nothing should have a timescale. A new job, a new relationship, moving house, are all massive changes in your life. You can be excited and scared at the same time, just human nature, right? Fear plays a big part in our lives, it doesn’t matter who you are. Perhaps if you can understand that fear on some level, things become slightly easier. It doesn’t really matter if you’re scared of getting into a new relationship, or taking a new job, or moving, you have to confront your fears at some point.

A lot of the time, when we make a plan to change our lives, it’s easy to focus on all the practical stuff. Isn’t it true though, that changing your life starts with changing the way that you see things in your life? You don’t choose to alter things otherwise. You’ve identified that something isn’t quite right, so you look for something different that will make you happier. You’re brave, because change isn’t easy.

Change is scary, no doubt about it. What if it doesn’t work out? What if it does though? Maybe the only way to find out if you’re going to be truly happy, is to risk exposing yourself to everything. Everyone gets things wrong. Not many of us realise the importance of a decision until we make a mistake. If you make the wrong choice a dozen times in a row, does making the thirteenth choice right, negate everything that’s gone before? You can make errors, you can take a risk and look like the silliest person in the world, but you have to keep on going. Doing something different might give you cause for concern, but if it scares you, it might be a good thing to try. Whatever you decide to do though, you do everything to make sure that it makes you happy. Common sense.

Sure, doubts can happen, but don’t you still take that step? Mistakes are often seen as a failure, but are they really? You learn from everything. Regret what you’ve done, rather that what you haven’t? How many chances do we get in a lifetime, and if we let them go, will we regret them for the rest of our lives? Those moments, when we lose them, can’t be found again. They’re just gone. What if you decide against changing things for the better? You’ll never know about those lost chances, those lost opportunities, those lost possibilities. It’s okay to be scared though. So many of us live a life that doesn’t make us happy, but we don’t ever take the initiative to change our situation. Isn’t one of the best things about being alive, having a passion for adventure and experiencing new things?

Be something greater, go make a legacy?

For example, what would you give for one more night with someone that you’ve lost? One more conversation, one chance to make up for the times when you took them for granted because you thought that they would be around forever? Wouldn’t you grab every minute of it and never give any of those minutes back until there was nothing left of them? Why not do the same for yourself?

Not all decisions need to be permanent, but isn’t that the same with indecision? Don’t you need to make a choice either way? Maybe your future comes from your past. Maybe there is another life that you could have had, but you’re having this one, so you make it the best you can. What if something happens to you and you can make it a new one? Maybe you don’t settle down in one place or stick with the same job. Everyone is different though. Hopefully, most of us will live a long time and have the opportunity to change our lives and move into an experience, but it will only happen if we want it to.

Maybe everything you want is out there for you to grab it, but if you don’t reach for it, you’ll never know. The only person you need to convince is yourself. If things are perfect in your life, then you’re super lucky. If they’re not though, it’s time to convince yourself, that something needs to change.

Things are going to change.

Being in limbo hasn’t been much fun. A day came when it was time to start searching for different answers. Opportunities happen rarely on their own, sometimes you need to go out and find them. A new place to live, a new job, even someone new in your life. One step at a time though, right? Decide where you want to live. Find out what it is that you like doing best, and get someone to pay you for going to work every day. Let’s face it, the expert in what you do, was once a novice but you can be that person. High hopes. Discover if you’re ready for someone new. Two out of three seems to be okay with a certain American.

There can be many things in life that catch your eye, but not many catch your heart. You know which ones to go after.

A moment has just changed the game. Not just for me, but for a lot of people around me. I hoped this day would come, I didn’t know how but I always had a feeling.

Rewrite your history, light up your wildest dreams.

@TheSamMcLeod

I met a superhero.

No matter what you do, no matter what you achieve with your life, isn’t there always at least one moment when you have to give yourself a pep talk? You can be feeling so good about everything that’s going on in your world one day, and then tomorrow comes, and you can’t see how things can possibly get better for you. Ups and downs, just part of life. You can’t dwell on it though, you need to pull yourself together, and the best person to help you do that, is usually the face looking back at you in the mirror. You constantly ask yourself questions when you have one of those kind of days. Are you happy? Did you do things today that mattered to you?

If you’re struggling, and you have no one to turn to, you go it alone, you make decisions on your own. Sure, you have people in your life that you care about and who could give you advice. Family is important, friends are important, but if you’re lucky, you have that one person in your life that makes every day better. You want to be with the person who tells you to have fun when you go out with your friends, and who gets excited when you come home. Someone that you can share sunrises and sunsets with. Love should be a partnership, not a dictatorship, right? None of us are here forever so if you’re going to share your life with someone, you need to choose wisely. Someone who makes the good times better and the hard times easier. You can be an individual, but still be part of something bigger than yourself.

Whoever you choose, is just another choice, as harsh as that may sound. Don’t we all make choices every day? What to do, what to eat, what to wear? You want your life to be the best that it can be, so you choose. None of us want to just exist though. Isn’t it all about challenging things, challenging yourself, evolving, exploring and thriving. We’d all like to be an absolute rockstar in life, and to stand out everywhere in everything that we do. To stand out to the people that we love. Becoming a superhero to someone would be pretty cool. Who doesn’t love superheroes, as long as you don’t choose someone who’s your kryptonite. Maybe, all this time, your superpower has been loving someone else.

The person who sleeps beside you. The person that you decide to try and make a life with. The one person that you discuss the big decisions with. The person you hold, hug, kiss, touch. It’s a big decision deciding who you embark on the journey with. Maybe you take advice from people, you listen to everyone, maybe you listen to yourself. It’s impossible to be everything to everyone in your life, but there’s always a part of you that can’t stop trying to do it all, to try and make everyone happy. That’s tough, but you try, don’t you? You want to become the person who you always thought that you would be. There is one person there by your side, supporting you and making you better. Doing for you, what you do for them.

What happens if that one person isn’t around one day? Or every day?

They’re gone, you’ve lost them. You can want to do nothing about it, but you can also want to do everything about it. Fuck. Maybe Marilyn Monroe said it best. Sometimes things fall apart so that better things can fall together. It doesn’t feel like that at the time though, does it?

If that day comes, you can have no idea where you are any more, what to think any more. You’re standing still, maybe you’re even going backwards, everything has changed. What do you do? You miss stuff. The care, the friendship, the joy you shared, the happiness, the love, the support, the warmth. Maybe the worst part is losing the friendship. That one person who stepped into your life and who always had your back.

When something good happens in your life, you want that one person there to share that happiness with. For some of us, thankfully, we can have that. For some of us, we can’t. Figuratively, it can feel like your missing a leg if that person isn’t around.

What do you do though? It’s not cool to jump straight into someone or something else if you really loved who you’ve just lost. Is your life just pretend for a while? Pretend you never met her? Pretend only superheroes exist? Pretend that the love that you shared would have died out anyway in time? Pretend that their love won’t belong to someone else in time? Pretend like your heart doesn’t hurt? Pretend that you’ve forgotten her name?

Maybe you are a superhero, and maybe there is no kryptonite. You’ll find out in time if you want to move on, won’t you?

This heartbreaking moment could be your reckoning. Perhaps you look at everything differently now. Inadvertently and suddenly, nothing is without meaning. No excuses for what you say or do. In the nicest possible way, fuck what everyone else thinks. You set new goals, because it’s just you now. Nothing is a bad idea any more. You’re a superhero, you just don’t know it yet.

A superhero who would give anything and everything for people in your life without looking for praise or validation. Giving without taking, we’ve all fallen for a superhero at some point.

Don’t you love who they are and what they make you? You don’t need a fictional superhero anymore, because you have one now. Or you did, but you’ve lost them. Fuck.

I want you to know that I’m hurting but I don’t want to tell you.

I met a superhero. I lost her. I want her back.

@TheSamMcLeod

There is not a single word, in the whole world.

When you start a new relationship, how early is too early to lay down the things that you both expect from each other? Where do you even begin, isn’t it more exciting to just get caught up in that initial whirlwind of something new, rather than worry about anything else?

If your mind made a choice for you though, wouldn’t it probably start with honesty between you both and work on things from there? Maybe it’s better to see how things progress first? You don’t want to have your words misinterpreted, you need to have them understood. Perhaps that takes time with someone new. The need that leaves you almost incapable of existing without the other person can be a tricky thing to deal with.

As your relationships with people move forward, whether just a friendship or not, you begin to realise that there are people in your life that you would crawl over broken glass for.

A lot of us have best friends. That one person that you know that you can rely on, despite anything else in the world. It doesn’t matter if you live next door to each other or if you’re thousands of miles apart, both of you know that you’re there for the other person. No matter what, no questions asked. If you’re lucky enough, maybe your partner is your best friend and you get to see them every day. Sometimes, you never have to worry about who has your back, who is behind you. Some people are not worth the risk. Some are. It’s important to choose wisely.

There is a lot to be said for having the person that you love beside you. Saturday nights on the sofa with a film. Sunday mornings reading the newspapers together. Days and nights out together. Don’t you realise that you only need those things when you need them? There’s no instruction manual though for how a relationship should progress. It doesn’t matter if it’s a romantic one or something purely platonic, you both just try and work things out the best you can, don’t you?

A day will come when you can feel like you’ve known someone for beyond forever. When you’re friends with someone, you don’t have to have anything in common with the people you’ve known since you were both in primary school. With old friends, you’ve got your whole life in common.

Your oldest friend isn’t always your best friend. What if they were one day though, and then they weren’t the next? Your initial reaction might contain a mixture of anguish, confusion and hurt. Wouldn’t you settle for being their second best friend? Doesn’t it depend on the circumstances? You want that person who is your first everything, because they’re the best. You’d take second any day.

We’ve been friends for longer than either of us care to remember. One day, I get an email and she’s gushing about this new man that she’s met. It’s pretty much impossible to be anything other than happy when the people that you care about most are happy. I was happy for her, for him and for me, because my best friend was happy. That’s how it should work, right? Shouldn’t the world run on happiness?

Endless conversations happened, visits were made to each other from thousands of miles apart and there was a glow in her eyes that I hadn’t seen in a long time. You can be incredibly delighted for someone and it should enrich yourself. That’s what I saw and it was amazing. This girl that I’d held hands with on the first day of primary school had met the man that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. Fedex and UPS can track millions of packages a day but some of us can’t find the one person to share the rest of our life with. I was a tiny bit jealous but not for long. It was lovely to see. They liked a lot of the same things. Physical attraction is important but isn’t having someone that makes you challenge yourself, smile, think, just as valuable? She told me that was what they had, it sounded like absolute perfection. They had promises in their gaze, promises to each other.

Sometimes a day comes though, and you realise that tomorrow will be different. Their ending was never supposed to be written. Trying to understand it all would be like shouting at the clouds, maybe sometimes the stars just don’t align. How were you to know?

It’s easy to think that two people are like one and one is none.

A call comes and the heartbreak is almost palpable over the telephone. We speak for six hours and then she sleeps. A decision is made, a journey of over three thousand miles is sorted, unbeknownst to her. You do something, because it’s the right thing to do. You can’t save everyone in your life but it’s your best friend, so you try. It’s not like you’re trying to make the world safer for everyone else, it’s just that one person who needs you now and maybe they don’t even know it. Isn’t love is giving a piece of your life to try and mend the holes in the life of another? Little things sometimes can make all of the difference. Sometimes all you can do is hold a friend closely and wish that you could take their pain away.

It’s difficult to imagine how someone can be happy when their fate lies in someone else’s hands, ready to be destroyed at any moment. Two pieces of a puzzle sometimes feel like they should fit together, but now, they couldn’t be further removed from each other.

Needless to say it was a surprise, but in true testament to our friendship, we picked up right where we left off. Hugs, crying, laughing, hours of absolute silence. Sometimes, some things are better left unsaid but those periods of quietness were never uncomfortable. The silence doesn’t have to invade, you can let it in of your own volition.

Witnessing someone who is very close to you struggle with their sadness is heartbreaking. It can consume you and you know that nothing is going to be the same for a long time. Their pain radiates onto you. If things cast a shadow in your relationship, then they can be pretty hard to look past or forget, not many things grow in the shade. That was their relationship but we both know that we’ll always be golden. We’re friends.

You do anything you can when a friend is struggling. When your heart is torn from your chest, sure, it hurts but it’s so much worse for them. You listen as much as you can, you give advice where appropriate. If someone has hurt someone close to you, isn’t it natural to want to exact some revenge, to try and hurt them back? Even if you’re going to throw verbal punches, do you ever know which ones are going to land? What’s the point? You focus on your friend.

He knows what he did and neither of us will ever forgive him. Nobody is perfect, we all understand that but you don’t say one thing and do another. It’s okay to fuck up, just as long as you learn something. You can’t always choose the situation that you find yourself in but you can choose how you react to it. Lesson learned and for more than one of them.

Maybe life is about more than moments with someone though? Don’t we all want something to do and something to look forward to for ourselves, as well as someone to love? Maybe life is about choices. They have to be made, but they always have consequences. Maybe we’re the vehicles of our own fate. All you want sometimes is to be happy, but is happiness a selfish desire?

It turns out that friends can break your heart too, but she has another that she can count on. Forever. Forever ever.

You’re my best friend. Remember two things, I love you like mad and just let the pain remind you hearts can heal.

You elevate the life in me.

Trust, ironically is hard for me to trust. It’s part of the reason that my circle of friends is small. I’m a bit of a social hand grenade when it comes to making new friends.

At least I know that, but I also know that it’s on me. Is there anything better than having friends though, making and keeping those special people in your life? You should never lose a chance to make new ones, right?

True friends are the people who make you smile every single time that you’re in touch with with them, remotely or in person. New friends can often have a better time together than old friends, can’t they? It’s that excitement you get when you start a new relationship.

If you’re a decent human being, then you should kind to everyone, but you want to choose the best people to be your friends, don’t you? No point in choosing them otherwise. Assuming that they choose you too or that they accept your friendship in the first place.

It’s nigh on impossible for you to know which of the strangers you’re going to meet that’ll become your friend. Being polite to everyone is a pretty good rule to live your life by though. You don’t want to be careless with other people’s hearts and you shouldn’t tolerate people who are careless with your heart.

It can be tough however. A lot of us are closed doors, we can’t just open up when we’re asked to. Some of us aren’t pieces of paper, you can’t unfold us and find out what you need to know. Aren’t there always parts of us that we want to close off from the world? Bits of us that we can’t even touch ourself because they’re too painful. Too tough, right? Now and again though, you meet someone who instantly gets you. Someone who illuminates the in-between.

What is the meaning of a good friendship? How significant it is in your life? Those friends can give us comfort when we need it, can’t they? The Japanese have a word, kenzoku, which when translated, means family. It implies the deepest connection of a friendship. Pretty cool.

It’s not always that easy though. Good people come, good people go, bad people come, bad people go, it’s just life. You always know intrinsically when something comes to an end. It’s simple though once you get past your heart hurting. When you let certain people and memories go, it just means that you’re making some room for other people and other memories to take their place. You need to let some people go, to detach yourself from their life. Before a new chapter begins, you tell yourself that the old one needs to end.

Regardless of where about in the world your new friends live in relation to you, you automatically understand that there are precious few that you should hold onto. You work hard to bridge the gap in geography and time initially but then it becomes second nature, you make your friendship work. Sometimes it’s easier than that, things just click and a random conversation leads to a new friend. Someone that you can tell anything to. Someone who can tell you anything that they feel that they want to. A new friend.

Happiness with your friends is all you want surely? Those smiles of new friends can help if you’re feeling down. You would do the same for them without thinking and hopefully you pull each other through if either of you is having a bad day. Good advice is shared and you can definitely accept inalienable truths from a good friend, sometimes either, might be what you need.

You can take advice from anyone but sometimes it’s that new friend who can help you see what you need to.

It was random how she came along. Just someone reaching out to someone else. That first contact meant that other contact followed. A conversation started. It turns out we have a lot of things in common. Sport, music, our sense of humour. Don’t forget tacos. It’s a new friendship and it’s pretty cool. We’re in touch when each of us wants to be. Hours or days could go by with silence and that’s fine. We’ll converse back and forth for ages and that’s fine too. I sleep when I need to, she sleeps when she needs to. One of us will be awake whilst the other sleeps and we just go about our day or night. We’re just friends but again, that’s pretty cool.

It’s amazing how easy it is for things to change in your life. You might think your day will be the same as the last and then you wind up somewhere new. It’s a new friend, a new boyfriend or girlfriend, maybe a breakup. Maybe at the same time, each moment we experience has another thousand moments underneath that makes it looks different. Make a new friend, what’s the worst that could happen?

My day, my experience was meeting someone new that makes my days better.

@TheSamMcLeod

Maybe you just need a friend.

A big part of depression is feeling alone, even if you’re in a room full of people. You can be surrounded, but if you don’t feel like you can talk to anyone, you might as well not be there because you’re on your own. Loneliness can feel bad and good at the same time though, can’t it?

You don’t want to do anything, you don’t even want to wake up because you’ll just be expected to see the day through. It’s no way to live your life.

Having a good day day can be tough sometimes. It’s about finding as many beautiful moments in your day, isn’t it? What happens though if trying to do that for 24 hours is just too much to ask?

Sometimes, all you can do is just stay in bed, and try to sleep before you begin to fall apart. Again and again. You don’t want to crumble but you can’t control it. Sometimes sadness isn’t audible, no one hears it.

A lot of the time, the nights aren’t much better. Those feelings that wash over you as you’re in bed, staring at the ceiling. Replaying in your head all of those things you didn’t get right. Regret has never been a cure for insomnia but it’s tough. You might cry until your eyes close, so eventually you manage to fall asleep. You wake up though and you remember. It starts again. You don’t want to see a single person. You’re in bed with the blinds or curtains closed. Whatever happened to you is your own fault, isn’t it? You’re drowning. No point in being alive any more, you might as well be dead.

Can’t it be difficult sometimes to see the incredible person that you are? Maybe all that you need to know is that someone would miss you if you weren’t around. Sometimes all you want is for someone to wrap their heart around you. Life. It’s about making a mark on the tapestry on someone or something, isn’t it?

One day someone is going to walk into your life and they’re going to need you to love them. Maybe that’s what love comes down to. You have someone who cares enough to devote themself to you so that you spark yourself back into normality. Can you hang on? Perhaps all you want to be is the best version of yourself for that special boy or girl.

Some people don’t and won’t ever understand how you might be feeling unless you tell them. How desperate you are to have someone to tell you that they love you and that they wouldn’t change you for the world?

You can look at someone but not see them for what they really are. You can take or judge someone at face value, but you can be so wrong, can’t you? Everyone has secrets. Sometimes it’s those secrets that burn inside of you that keep you going. There will be wounds that never show on your body that are deeper and that will cause more pain than any cut you have that ever bleeds. Just life, right? Believe that someone else is undergoing the same battles that you might be experiencing.

For a while, hopefully a short while, you can tell yourself that you’ve strayed off of the path where it is that you want to go. You’ll find your way back to where you want to go, won’t you? Night comes though and the struggles start again. You don’t to be with people and you don’t want to be alone. Fucking hell.

Is depression a war that you can win? You’d hope so but it’s a battle you fight every day. You never stop, never get to rest. It’s one messy thing after another.

Your judgement is constantly questioned by the people you know, but it’s just something that you have to deal with. Breaking down doesn’t mean that your life is done. A day comes when you’re finally in touch with the bad things going on in your life. You can cope, you get it. You can accept it eventually.

Ever wonder how the darkness wins? Better not to think about it, right? Who the hell wants the darkness to win?

Happiness is an ongoing battle, a complete struggle, a never-ending fight.

In a strange way, you can fall in love with your depression. You can love it because you think it was all that you had or have. Depression isn’t the part of your character that makes you matter. Don’t think so little of yourself. Don’t feel that you have little to offer the world because you do. You matter. Mental health matters.

As clumsy as you’ve been, there’s no one laughing.

@TheSamMcLeod

It’s 11:11..

Phenomenology. It’s the idea that you can see something or someone but not really be aware of it or them. The thing or things that blend into your every day life. Most of us see all of those things but are never consciously aware of them. In order to see them for what they are, you need to actually realise that they’re there. Makes sense, right?

She was in his life, not on a daily basis but he knew who she was.

There was no reason for it happening. None whatsoever, but it did. Not only did it happen, but it became something that neither of them could ever have expected. They didn’t meet in any conventional manner. No drinks at a bar, no meal at a restaurant, no film at a cinema. It turns out that there was a connection though.

Everything changed, the moment that he first met her properly. He lived in a country of millions of people, but from then on, he wanted only her. In a world full of men who could catch her eye, he wanted to be the one to make her eyes sparkle. She was pretty. Her voice melted his heart. The way she said his name? It’s how you would want your name to be said by anyone that you’re in love with. Some people just don’t have the emotional room for compassion, but she had it in spades.

Calls, emails, messages, catching up whenever they could, everything moved at a frenetic pace.

She was a disaster sometimes, in the nicest possible way, but she was worth all of the effort, all of the time. Sure, she had things going on that he tried to understand and have empathy with, tough as it was. He had plenty going on as well and she understood. It’s just life, why wouldn’t all of us understand? She was a fragile heart in a wild place, not like a flower, more like a hand grenade but he loved it.

She was an escape, just when he needed to get away. On some level, don’t we all dream of escaping from our everyday lives? We think about breaking free from our daily routines. Maybe that’s why a lot of people love magic, because we crave surprise. An escape from the predictable. That one moment when we genuinely don’t know what will happen next? Is that how we know we’re alive? She made him feel that way.

She told him that he was everything to her. He told her that he felt the same way about her but that almost worried her more than if he had never said those words. She thought more girls would want to be with him because they couldn’t have him because he loved her. Flawed logic in his mind but she believed it, so he had to accept it. Someone’s perception is their reality. It’s so easy to read too much into things, or take things the wrong way, she said. I’ve made a point of trying harder not to over think every little thing, she said. He adored her for even saying it.

She also told him that she was in love with him and that he had her whole heart. How sweet and awesome is that? Don’t things always seem to make the most sense when the people involved make no sense at all? No one outside of the two of them understood it. Thing is, a tiny fraction of everyone’s story is all you ever know at any one time. Don’t ever assume a fucking thing.

That intensity that you feel towards one person is intoxicating, isn’t it? Capture every moment with them that you can. Watching her or him smile, wondering what he or she is dreaming about.

Some people have an aura to them. They attract people by simply being themselves. That’s what she did. He didn’t expect her to be perfect, just to be perfect for him. Was she? If a woman can make you laugh, when all you want to do is fight with the world, then she’s a keeper.

It was difficult, they were miles apart from each other in distance, geographically. In every other way, they were right for each other. They thought the same thoughts, they finished each other’s sentences, they liked a lot of the same music, they shared a lot of common interests. Everything that you would want from someone that you think that you’re going to spend the rest of your life with, they had. Jealous yet? They’re the two people at a party who aren’t even in the same room but everyone else there, knows that they’re supposed to be together. They were so absorbed by each other that when they went even a day without being in touch, thoughts of missing each other utterly consumed them.

Something flipped though one day. He didn’t change. The way she treated him changed. At least in his mind. She thought the same thing the other way around because he cared enough to ask the question. He heard every word that she said and felt the ones that she didn’t, like a dagger to the heart.

Yet he misses her. A little too much more than he should and a little bit more every day. Will that fade? Time will tell, although apparently time is a healer.

Too much of anything is too much. They didn’t take the time to synchronise both of their hearts because it was too much, too quickly. That might mean living for forever with regrets of what might have been. Such a fucking shame, especially if there isn’t anyway back.

Your head may tell you that you don’t miss that person but it’s bullshit, isn’t it? Your heart knows differently, that’s where you should take your advice from. He misses her and is having a hard time moving on because everywhere he goes there are reminders of her. A song. A voice from a stranger that is similar to her almost perfect voice.

Where she used to be is now a hole in his life. Not every day but sometimes, he’s just wandering around it in a daze. Sucks to be him.

No blame is apportioned but when someone cares enough for you, that they see that they hurt you, don’t they put their ego aside to give you a heartfelt apology? Maybe she doesn’t think that she did anything wrong. Maybe she didn’t. Maybe he didn’t. Perspective rears it’s ugly head again.

Distance isn’t always physical, is it? All that he knows that not being with her, means that he’s in the wrong place. At least for now. Does she have forever? No way. It’s not that he liked his own sadness but he sure doesn’t care for it anymore.

Does she like him? He thinks so. Does she care? He thinks so. Does he care about her? Deeply.

It’s easy to get distracted in life. It’s so full of noise so you try to focus on what’s important. Sometimes your eye can be drawn away, so you get lost in someone else but aren’t they always drifting back to that one person?

You don’t even know what it is that you’re losing, until that person isn’t there any more.

Don’t we hope that all of the important people in our life who leave, gravitate back towards us at some point, despite how far you think that they might have wandered in the wrong direction?

However, what if them not being there with you makes them happy? That’s a great feeling. Knowing that someone you love is happy, right?

Did he need her then? Does he need her now? He doesn’t know anything for certain when it comes to her but he’ll figure it out.

Choosing nothing or no one gets you nothing. It’s never easy when something ends but doesn’t a little part of everyone remain behind? Doesn’t it make part of us get stronger as we move forward?

You wait for the one who would do anything to be your everything, don’t you? At least for as long as your heart tells you that it’s time to stop because it can’t take it any more.

It’s really important to have those people in your life who push you to be better, to be different, to care about and love someone who isn’t yourself. Will he be with her? Will she be with him? Will you be with who you want to be with?

Your Konstantine.

@TheSamMcLeod

Say something.

Aren’t the regrets in your life the things you haven’t done, rather than the things you have? Those lost opportunities, those lost possibilities, the feelings that you might never get back. Those moments, when you lose them, can they be found again? They’re gone forever. Aren’t they? Hopefully not. Will we ever know though?

The chances are that if you ask people what they’ve always wanted to do, the most likely response is that they haven’t done it. Me included. Sad in a way, almost heartbreaking for all of us.

We pray for opportunities or chances, we seek out opportunities and we yearn for the slightest chance of something that we want. The good news is that we’ll meet opportunities in every day that we spend on this planet. The bad news is that we miss a lot of them, only to come to a later realisation that we fucked it or them up. Isn’t an opportunity like a bus or a train on the move? Once it’s doors have closed, it’s gone. Another one will come along but will it carry better opportunities? A sliding doors moment, right? Too often, we might miss out on a chance of something because we were too busy or we were too distracted. Maybe we were just shit scared of asking a question and being rejected. Who can say, perhaps we just missed those chances tapping us on our respective shoulders. Excuses will always be there for you, opportunities might not be.

Can you ever undo it, ever unlive it, or relive it all? Why not take the plunge? Say something. Maybe you could have had what you wanted. You’d be silly to not ask the question, wouldn’t you? Don’t miss all of those opportunities along the way to do what you wanted to do because you didn’t have the confidence to tell yourself. Say something?

Some people say that it’s not what happens in your life that matters, it’s what you think happened. Just bullshit or is it true? It can be quite possible that the most important thing to happen in your life will be something that didn’t actually take place. Make sense or not? Maybe you missed the opportunity to make it happen. You wanted it to but you didn’t follow through.

Maybe all, maybe just some of us go through life disappointed in ourselves. Do we all keep a memory of that one moment when we missed out on someone or something?

It was too easy to start rushing towards all of the excitement at a million miles an hour. I should have taken the chance but I didn’t.

It was a road that we didn’t take, towards a door that we never opened. Correction, a road that I didn’t take, towards a door that I never opened. We chatted. We flirted. We joked and we touched each other in a way that people who like each other do. Bumping shoulders, gentles nudges in the ribs, playful rubs of each other’s backs. We shared stories of our travels, tales of your life in Zurich and mine in Sydney and Scotland. New York featured a lot. My favourite city in the world. What are the chances of bumping into you when the place has over 8.5m people living there?

It hits me that I’ve lost you, although I never really had you. Will you now rank among the things I’ll always regret? I’m not sure. Okay, definitely an opportunity lost but should it matter that much? Maybe it does. I found myself feeling for one of the first times in my life that I’d maybe missed out on something. On someone.

Not going to lie, there’s a constant differential dynamic between the excitement and thought of someone new and the security with one person. Not that I have her but taking the chance is scary, perhaps the reason that I didn’t ask the question that I should have.

I always win in my imagination but this time I lost. You might have said no to dinner, to drinks, to something more. I might never know now. I’ll probably never know now.

Don’t be afraid of missing those opportunities in your life, give them a go. Behind every bad decision or misjudgment is an opportunity that somebody wishes they had missed.

Tonight it’s easy to feel like the one who is on the sidelines, the one who has missed out.

If I missed my moment, I missed my moment. Fuck.

Say something.

@TheSamMcLeod