One day, you and I, will write our names in the sky.

Is it possible for someone else to know what you’re feeling without you telling them? Can you look at someone’s face and know how or what they’re feeling?

Most of us on this planet can pretty much do what we want with our hearts and our lives, and that’s an amazing thing. Sometimes though, you can’t do what you want with either of those things and that’s when it becomes complicated.

Andy Warhol once said “As soon as you stop wanting something, you get it.” Bullshit or not, I’m finding it tough to decide if he’s right. Once you want someone or something, everything changes for you, doesn’t it? Everything is always easier said than done though. You can want someone or something, that’s easy. Saying something or doing anything about it can be a little bit trickier. Isn’t it almost like wanting someone but not doing or saying anything to try and have them? You have to step up. If you meet someone and you like them, you shouldn’t be ashamed in liking that person. There’s nothing wrong in wanting to experience something new with somebody.

It was a random night. I’m sitting in the hotel bar, nursing a bourbon and catching up on news from around the world on television. I didn’t see her at first, she was in a quiet part of the bar, clearly looking to be left alone as she read her book. I happened to glance over, she caught my eye, and we both smiled and then looked away. I kept glancing back and I swear that she saw me doing so out of the corner of her eye. Thing is, she did exactly the same thing and it took all of everything that I had to stop from smiling. Eventually, she came over and asked if she could watch the news with me. Clearly it was okay but she fell asleep almost immediately. Smooth.

She napped and then woke and we chatted about lots of things. Eventually, I excused myself and went to bed. As I walked up the stairs to my room, I think about how I got excited by her words. I think about her smile that could hush thousands of voices. I think about the things that I never said, the questions that I never asked. All of those questions that you never ask though, don’t ever get a reply.

We would bump into each other over the next few days and it was conversations full of smiles, stolen glances and a shit ton of awkwardness. Maybe I’m in her head but I’d rather be in her arms. What are emotions anyway?

Suddenly it was her last night, although I didn’t know that at the time. A couple who I’m friendly with invite her through to sit and have wine with us. As the girl half of the couple speaks to her, she starts to cry. Us two boys see that as our kryptonite, and we go outside to speak. When we eventually come back in, we find out that the girl is engaged and has flown over here to see her fiancé. Problem is, he dumped her whilst she was in mid-air, travelling from thousands of miles away to see him. Now the dynamic has shifted. The girl is in tears and thankfully, is being comforted by the female.

I didn’t realise how tough it was going to be before I knew all of this and now I’m convinced that it’s not even fair for me to try to tell her that I like her. What if she asks me though, unlikely as that may be? I can’t lie to her if it’s how I feel, surely? I find myself hoping that she doesn’t ask. Let’s face it, you don’t want to say anything that you can’t stand behind completely.

I knew what it was like, wanting someone that you could probably never have. Intrinsically though, I know how it’s impossible to un-want her, once my heart tells me what I already know. You’d think my head would step in at some point and slap me silly but you’d be wrong. We were so close and danced around things for a few days but now? It’s the biggest distance between how it was and how I ever thought it could hopefully be.

If whatever you’re going to do is wrong, should you just do whatever you want? I couldn’t, I could see that she was hurting and I didn’t want to make things worse. I can’t tell her. Just because I’ve seen her a lot though, it doesn’t mean that I wanted too much, does it? Maybe if I have made her feel something, it means that I’ll never be forgotten?

Inadvertently, I’ve read things wrong. If there is any chance for us, I need to right those wrongs so that we can be side by side. On the right of her side. To be there for her. Maybe to be there for me too.

I have questions though, right? Whether she’s the one, whether I feel about her the way that I should? The Portuguese call it saudade. Longing for something so indefinite as to be indefinable. Clever bunch.

I’ve spent my days and night since she left trying to find the words to explain the feelings I have. There are explosions of emotions that I can’t even comprehend. It seems doubtful to me that I could even make her aware of at least a tiny fraction of what I feel. I know that it would be unfair on her right now, so I won’t. I can’t.

No matter what anyone of us think about someone, what we do is dictated by what we feel. I wanted to tell her but I couldn’t because circumstances dictated otherwise.

It’s okay to have boundaries, but it would be lovely to step over them now and again, just to see if they can become an adventure. Once again, I couldn’t, that wouldn’t have been a cool thing to do.

It was 4am. I was still up, nursing a new bourbon and she was checking out to go to the airport. I heard the ping of the elevator and I saw her step out. I smiled, walked over and lifted her bags for her as the taxi idled outside whilst she checked out. I placed her bags into the taxi, watching her with solemn eyes.

The sudden prospect of having to say goodbye to her tugged at my heartstrings and I could feel that although she was hurting, she felt the same. She stepped forward and wrapped her arms around me. I put my arms around her and I pulled her close. I held her for a long time, longer than I should have, but then reluctantly and gently, I let her go.

I gave a soft smile and a tender wave, before glancing away. I needed a moment, before walking back into the hotel. Alone.

Maybe goodbyes aren’t forever, they can simply mean, I’ll miss you until I see you again?

If you get to where I am and if I throw away my fear and pride, to set things right, then I’ll find mine on the right of your side.

@TheSamMcLeod

You elevate the life in me.

Trust, ironically is hard for me to trust. That’s why my circle of friends is small. I’m a bit of a social hand grenade when it comes to making new friends.

At least I know that, but I know it’s on me. Is there anything better than having friends though, keeping those special people in your life? You should never lose a chance to make new ones, right?

True friends are the people who make you smile every single time that you’re in touch with with them, remotely or in person. New friends can often have a better time together than old friends, can’t they? It’s that excitement of when you start a new relationship, isn’t it?

If you’re a decent human being, then you should kind to everyone, but you want to choose the best people to be your friends, don’t you? No point in choosing them otherwise. Assuming that they choose you back or that they accept your friendship in the first place.

It’s nigh on impossible for you to know which of the strangers you’re going to meet that’ll become your friend. Being polite to everyone is a pretty good rule to live your life by though. You don’t want to be careless with other people’s hearts and you shouldn’t put up with people who are careless with your heart.

It can be tough however. A lot of us are closed doors, we can’t just open up when we’re asked to. Some of us aren’t pieces of paper, you can’t unfold us and find out what you need to know. Aren’t there always parts of us that we want to close off from the world? Bits of us that we can’t even touch ourself because they’re too painful. Too tough, right? Now and again though, you meet someone who instantly gets you. Someone who illuminates the in-between.

What is the meaning of a good friendship? How significant it is in your life? They can give us comfort when we need it, can’t they? The Japanese have a word, kenzoku, which when translated, means family. It implies the deepest connection of a friendship. Pretty cool.

It’s not always that easy though. Good people come, good people go, bad people come, bad people go, it’s just life. You always know when something comes to an end, don’t you? It’s simple though once you get past your heart hurting. When you let certain people and memories go, it just means that you’re making some room for other people and other memories to take their place. You need to let some people go, to detach yourself from their life. Before a new chapter begins, you tell yourself that the old one needs to end.

Regardless of where about in the world, your new friends live in relation to you, you automatically understand that there are precious few you that you should hold onto. You work hard to bridge the gap in geography and time initially but then it becomes second nature, you make your friendship work. Sometimes it’s easier than that, things just click and a random conversation leads to a new friend. Someone that you can tell anything to. Someone who can tell you anything that they feel that they want to. A new friend.

Happiness with your friends is all you want surely? Those smiles of new friends can help if you’re feeling down. You would do the same for them though and hopefully you pull each other through if either of you is having a bad day. You can accept inalienable truths from a good friend, sometimes it might be what you need.

You can take advice from anyone but sometimes it’s that new friend who can help you see what you need to.

It was random how she came along. Just someone reaching out to someone else. That first contact meant that other contact followed. A conversation started. It turns out we have a lot of things in common. Sport, music, our sense of humour. Don’t forget tacos. It’s a new friendship and it’s pretty cool. We’re in touch when each of us wants to be. Hours or days could go by with silence and that’s fine. We’ll converse back and forth for ages and that’s fine too. I sleep when I need to, she sleeps when she needs to. One of us will be awake whilst the other sleeps and we just go about our day or night. We’re just friends but again, that’s pretty cool.

It’s amazing how easy it is for things to change in your life. You think your day will be the same and then you wind up somewhere new. It’s a new friend, a new boyfriend or girlfriend, maybe a breakup. Maybe at the same time, each moment we experience has another thousand moments underneath that make it looks different. Make a new friend, what’s the worst that could happen?

My day, my experience was meeting someone new that makes my days better.

@TheSamMcLeod

Maybe you just need a friend.

A big part of depression is feeling alone, even if you’re in a room full of people. You can be surrounded, but if you don’t feel like you can talk to anyone, you might as well not be there because you’re on your own. Loneliness can feel bad and good at the same time though, can’t it?

You don’t want to do anything, you don’t even want to wake up because you’ll just be expected to see the day through. It’s no way to live your life.

Having a good day day can be tough sometimes. It’s about finding as many beautiful moments in your day, isn’t it? What happens though if trying to do that for 24 hours is just too much to ask?

Sometimes, all you can do is just stay in bed, and try to sleep before you begin to fall apart. Again and again. You don’t want to crumble but you can’t control it. Sometimes sadness isn’t audible, no one hears it.

A lot of the time, the nights aren’t much better. Those feelings that wash over you as you’re in bed, staring at the ceiling. Replaying in your head all of those things you didn’t get right. Regret has never been a cure for insomnia but it’s tough. You might cry until your eyes close, so eventually you manage to fall asleep. You wake up though and you remember. It starts again. You don’t want to see a single person. You’re in bed with the blinds or curtains closed. Whatever happened to you is your own fault, isn’t it? You’re drowning. No point in being alive any more, you might as well be dead.

Can’t it be difficult sometimes to see the incredible person that you are? Maybe all that you need to know is that someone would miss you if you weren’t around. Sometimes all you want is for someone to wrap their heart around you. Life. It’s about making a mark on the tapestry on someone or something, isn’t it?

One day someone is going to walk into your life and they’re going to need you to love them. Maybe that’s what love comes down to. You have someone who cares enough to devote themself to you so that you spark yourself back into normality. Can you hang on? Perhaps all you want to be is the best version of yourself for that special boy or girl.

Some people don’t and won’t ever understand how you might be feeling unless you tell them. How desperate you are to have someone to tell you that they love you and that they wouldn’t change you for the world?

You can look at someone but not see them for what they really are. You can take or judge someone at face value, but you can be so wrong, can’t you? Everyone has secrets. Sometimes it’s those secrets that burn inside of you that keep you going. There will be wounds that never show on your body that are deeper and that will cause more pain than any cut you have that ever bleeds. Just life, right? Believe that someone else is undergoing the same battles that you might be experiencing.

For a while, hopefully a short while, you can tell yourself that you’ve strayed off of the path where it is that you want to go. You’ll find your way back to where you want to go, won’t you? Night comes though and the struggles start again. You don’t to be with people and you don’t want to be alone. Fucking hell.

Is depression a war that you can win? You’d hope so but it’s a battle you fight every day. You never stop, never get to rest. It’s one messy thing after another.

Your judgement is constantly questioned by the people you know, but it’s just something that you have to deal with. Breaking down doesn’t mean that your life is done. A day comes when you’re finally in touch with the bad things going on in your life. You can cope, you get it. You can accept it eventually.

Ever wonder how the darkness wins? Better not to think about it, right? Who the hell wants the darkness to win?

Happiness is an ongoing battle, a complete struggle, a never-ending fight.

In a strange way, you can fall in love with your depression. You can love it because you think it was all that you had or have. Depression isn’t the part of your character that makes you matter. Don’t think so little of yourself. Don’t feel that you have little to offer the world because you do. You matter. Mental health matters.

As clumsy as you’ve been, there’s no one laughing.

@TheSamMcLeod

Everything is blurry.

We have hands that barely ever touched. We have lips that almost never met. We never really had a chance, did we?

We are absolutely failing.

Lots of things can be fixed. Sometimes though, a relationship between two people can’t be fixed, because it shouldn’t be. If neither of you are making the effort, then the penny begins to drop. Arguments happen again and again. Silences become more frequent. Whisper screaming at each other. That’s when you know it’s over. As soon as you start thinking about the beginning of the end, it’s the end. It’s time for you to break away from the person that’s breaking you. A lot of people will break your heart during your life, but if you look at it positively, only one will be the worst. You can love someone to the point where no one understands. It doesn’t matter though if no one gets it, as long as you get it. When you find something like that, you don’t want to let it go. Sometimes though you have to.

Breaking up is a natural thing when you’re trying to work out what it is that you want in your life. If you’re with someone who isn’t aligned with your thinking, did you even have a chance from the start? Feelings have that way of shaking us awake and helping us see what we’re willing to settle for, against what it is that we really want. Turns out that not being together any more might be a good thing. For both people.

Moving on is easier than staying moved on though, isn’t it?

It’s not the actual breaking up that prevents you from getting back together again, even if that’s what you both want. It’s because little pieces of you both get lost. The whole shape of your relationship, the whole dynamic has changed. Too little, too late. The chemistry wasn’t in doubt but the timing was everything. Sigh.

Whilst a lot of it was good, we ruined each other for a while by being together and we partly destroyed each other’s dreams. It wasn’t intentional, no hurt was meant, it just happened.

Three words said. Eight letters, five vowels and three consonants. I love you. It was the start of something beautiful but it was also the start of a slippery slope. Much later, the words changed. Two words, seven letters, three vowels and four consonants. It’s over. Twenty six letters in the alphabet, and now you’ll always be the 24th.

If you have to wonder if someone loves you and wants to be with you, chances are they don’t. It shouldn’t be that complicated, should it? You shouldn’t have to waste time waiting and wondering. Why spend your incredibly precious hours, dreaming or thinking of someone that doesn’t want to be with you? They can’t be that amazing, certainly not if they’re willing to play games with your heart.

The thing with breaking up is that person isn’t there any more, but the memories have a way of staying around.

Don’t listen to songs that you used to listen to together, at least not straight away. Go to bed for as long as you can or want, cry until the tears stop. Delete their number immediately. Book a few days away somewhere. Steer clear of photos of you both, how can that end well? Forgive yourself for being foolish for putting your trust in someone that didn’t reciprocate it. Continue to breathe, continue to smile.

Sometimes, something will happen and the memories will come flooding back. A song will appear on shuffle or a film might pop up on your television, and you’ll wonder what they’re up to. You have no way of knowing but you think what you think at the time. You could always email, text or pick up the phone but then they’ll know that you’re thinking of him or her. Not a good idea, right?

You never want them to know you’re thinking of them, so as tough as it might be, you stop yourself. Before long, the memories start to fade, don’t they? A day will come when you realise that you can’t quite remember how they smelled or the exact colour of their eyes. Some people will tell you that a day will come when you just forget that person altogether, but that’s bullshit, isn’t it? You may well replace old memories with new ones, and move on with your life but can you ever really forget?

If they get in touch after a while to tell you that they’ve missed you though, isn’t the perfect response to tell them that you missed yourself too?

Things will be okay. Turbulent, then calm.

@TheSamMcLeod

Maybe I know you’re the one?

Imagine letting go of someone that you love and that you’re still completely in love with. Everyone talks about it like it’s simple. Unfurl your fingers, one at a time, until your hand and your heart are completely open. What if your hand has been clenched for over a thousand days though? The heart isn’t faring much better. It still aches every day. It’s easier said than done, but is time to open it and see what happens with someone new? Chances are that it could be a fucking car crash. Only one way to find out though, I guess.

I chose her and she chose me. Would l continue to choose her, over and over and over, forever more? Without a second of thinking about it, without doubt, in a fucking heartbeat. I’d keep choosing her. It’s not my choice any more though.

Things will be missed, of course they will.

The way that she would always take one of my eyelashes that had fallen out, blow it away and make a wish. I hope all of her dreams came/come true.

The way that she invents words of her own.

The way that her left foot goes crazy when she’s mad. She knows that I know she does it and it makes her smile, although she’d never admit it.

Crying in front of her for the first time and being told that it was okay.

She never needed to ask to be the little spoon, it was mutually understood.

The way that she claps her hands at the tiniest little thing is fucking adorable. I should have told her that.

The way that she says yes, and the way that she says no.

How she giggles. She should be playing to Madison Square Garden, purely with that laugh. She’d sell the place out.

She can tell me to fuck off and it’s one of the cutest things ever.

Have you ever had a hug from someone so good that it feels like they think that it might be the last time that they ever hold you? She has it nailed.

When you’re singing in the shower and she tells you how much she loves it because it’s like you’re on stage at Wembley Stadium.

When she tucks her hair behind her ear and she doesn’t even notice that you notice. Heart melting stuff every time.

When she places her hands on her hips and grins. Frightening. She could ask me to do pretty much anything and I would.

She can be grumpy, but you drop an eyebrow in her direction and she smiles. All is right in the world once more.

The way that she turns her head, smiles, bites her lip and looks in my eyes. I’d crawl across broken glass for that one more time.

You’re lucky if you meet that rare man or woman that you have come across in your life for who you believe that the extra effort is worthwhile. Her? Oh, yes.

You can meet someone who’s just right for you, Maybe, just maybe though, they’re not meant for you. So you break up, you lose them, you lose some or all of your feelings, chances are that you might never feel the same again. You should stop questioning why though, shouldn’t you? Suck it up, just accept it and move on? Good luck.

Do you ever fall out of love with somebody? Perhaps you just let go and move on, although there is an incredible difference between letting go and giving up. Am I finally letting go? Am I finally giving up? Sometimes all you can do is shrug. If you don’t know, how can anyone else know?

When you’re not with someone, is it likely that you’ll meet someone else? Maybe it’s the best thing to meet someone new. Maybe it’s the worst idea ever for you. Is it unfair on that new person if you want them to have similar qualities or traits than the person that’s just left you behind? Absofuckinglutely, no one new needs that pressure.

Sometimes, a simple hello can turn into a beautiful, potentially life changing moment. You need to open yourself up to it first though, right? Are you ready, will you ever know? If it’s meant to be, you’ll know. Your heart will beat a lot faster when that message hits your phone or when you hear the sound of their voice.

What if that new person is the song that you can’t get out of your head, no matter how hard you try? Is that better or worse than the one person in your life that you miss?

Breathe. Let go. Once again, good luck.

If you didn’t love them, this never could have happened. Accepting that love and everything that follows is part of letting it go.

When I say I’m going to forget you, I know, and you know that it’s impossible to forget someone I once knew. Someone that I once loved. Do I still? Head and heart fighting again probably. Do I need a girl like you? Is that even possible? I guess we’ll find out.

Play the victim.

The truth always comes out in the end, doesn’t it? Never underestimate someone’s ability to make you feel guilty for their mistakes. To make you tell lies for them, to the point where mutual friends disown you. I used to care that those friends weren’t in my life any more, but now? I don’t give a fuck.

She was amazing. I’ve never felt a connection to a human being quite like her before, except for one, a very special little lady who will always be the most important person to me on this planet.

She wasn’t as amazing as I thought though, she fucked up. Next to hurting your family, cheating is the worst thing that someone could do to you.

I don’t care who was with her before me but it would have been nice to not have someone there during me.

Cheating isn’t always flirting, kissing, touching or more. If you’re deleting texts and emails, then you know that you’re already there. You’re a cheat. Cheating and lying aren’t relationship struggles, they’re reasons to break up.

You shouldn’t have to deal with someone who wants to take a relationship in a backwards direction, who needs space or who’s cheating on you.

Fuck you for cheating on me. Fuck you for making me use the the word cheating. This wasn’t five card stud or poker. You weren’t sneaking a look at my cards. These were our lives and you messed up both of them. You killed all of this, but worst of all, you killed it when my back was turned. Maybe it was in front of my face all of the time but I couldn’t see it because I loved you. Fuck, I was in love with you.

The truly scary thing about those previously undiscovered lies was that they had a tendency to diminish better people than me, more than the ones that we all find out or know about. They wash away the foundation of our being, our self-esteem, our very strength. Her lies. Her pretence.

Betrayal was what I felt, my heart broken not just by a girl that I was in love with, but also by someone that I believed that I would be best friends with forever. Losing your best friend is the worst. Add in the fact that you then lose all the people in her life that you inherited and loved. Let’s be honest, if they all choose to pick sides, there’s only going to be one winner.

When you cheat in any facet of your life, you dim your own light. You’re threatening your own self-esteem and your relationships with others by undermining the trust that people have in your ability to be true. Their ability to trust you ever again. A chance worth taking? I don’t think so. I’m pretty sure that we all know so. Well, clearly not all of us.

Natural disasters just happen. Earthquakes just happen. Tornadoes just happen. Your tongue does not just happen to fall into some other boy’s mouth. You don’t happen to just trip, fall and land into someone else’s bed.

I was steeped in denial, but my body knew. My mind knew. Worst of all, my heart knew. Maybe sometimes your heart just needs a tiny bit of time to realise what your mind already knows. Sucks, right?

Those who cheat on their partners who are loyal to them; don’t deserve them. It’s a shitty attitude to disrespect a person who is loyal in a relationship, by cheating on him or her. Why? Just go and be with someone else, we’ll get over the pain in time.

I gave my heart to a girl who told me that she loved me, who told me that she wanted to be with me. It turns out that she was afraid of everything that I offered. Whilst that’s okay, it’s not okay to use that to then decide to sleep with someone else, especially when you tell someone every day that you love them. When you hug someone the minute that they walk through the door. When you lie in bed next to someone every night. Lie is the operative word, I guess.

I didn’t and will never understand why she took a chance on our future, cheating on me, again. By the time she tried to smooth talk her way out of it, I was done. No more crying. Even my heart had given up on her, fuck, even my tears had given up on her. I’d already moved on, her cheating was almost the equivalent of moving out and leaving the key in the mailbox.

Some people view love and romance as a bond never to be broken between a couple. Sadly, there are other people that see both of those things as a game, where the goal is to manipulate or twist someone and gain an emotional hold over their partner. Those horrible people who view love, relationships and romance as a game are much more likely to have multiple love interests; cheating is just another way to gain control in their relationship.

She knows though and I hope that whoever is next for her doesn’t ever feel the way that she made me feel. Everyone of us on this planet has feelings. Don’t ever use those feelings, don’t ever take them for granted. If you weren’t interested any more, you should have let me know before you started going elsewhere.

You didn’t just cheat on me; you cheated on us. You didn’t just break my heart; you broke our future.

Never cheat on someone that is good to you. Karma is a bitch.

@TheSamMcLeod

Somebody to you.

The first glance at someone you like. Hopefully, that leads to the first date. Fingers crossed that the first kiss with that someone follows. Who knows after that? A relationship to end all relationships? Marriage? Babies? It’s pretty cool to be someone’s first kiss or love but isn’t it better to be their last everything though?

That new feeling about someone. Isn’t it the best? Chances are that you didn’t go looking for them, they perhaps just turned up uninvited?

We can only speak about our own experiences though, right?

Connecting with her was a coincidence, something straight out of left field. Becoming her friend was a choice. Falling in love with her? No choice in the matter really, the heart wants, what the heart wants. I thought she was perfect and so I fell for her. Soon after, I realised that she wasn’t perfect. What happened? I loved her even more. Not loving her was never an option, it just had to happen.

How did we go from this innocent interaction to where we are now? This conversation that has grown and grown. Me waiting for you to grow tired of me, even though you instigated all of this. We share jokes and some terrible conversation at times but it resonates. It can only be love and some unbelievable chemistry that I’ve yet to make sense of and might never make sense of.

It’s almost going to be like a journey. It starts at never and hopefully ends at forever. How could it start? There was no comprehension that it could even be a thing. It’s quite a wonderful thing though. The way that she smiles at me, the way that I know that she’s fallen asleep when those little three dots on the alerts aren’t flashing any more. She’s sound asleep, hopefully dreaming of me, and that’s all I need to know for now. Maybe it’s all that I’ll ever need to know.

I may not be with her at all times, but she knows that she’s never far away from my heart. Impossible. I think about her, I dream about her. Who knows how the whole life thing works? Maybe I have searched for her for all of my life and it just took me a little while to find her. When loving the fact that someone else’s happiness is more important than your own, does that make you feel like this is the one thing that you need? It’s how I feel right now.

You have no conception of how hard it is to stop myself thinking about you. We should play a game. Flip a coin. I always pick tails. Tails, you are mine. Heads, I belong to you. Win win?

The thing is, that the best feeling right now, is when you look at me. I might already have been staring at you forever from afar though. You did what you do though, you called me on it and now we are where we are. Pretty fucking cool, in my mind. Let’s face it, you don’t know it for sure yet but I’m much more myself when I’m with you. Out of all the men in this world, you chose me. I’m nothing compared to anyone else that you could have picked and I’m baffled. Also, I’m blown away.

Now what happens is that I can’t see myself without you. You’re nothing short of my everything and I have no idea how this even happened. Each day I love you more. I picture your face when we’re not together. I imagine your voice when we’re not speaking. It’s at that stage, isn’t it? No matter what you say, no matter what you do, I’m always right there behind you. Just when I think that it is impossible to love you any more, you prove me wrong. A text. A message. A picture. You pouring out your heart and being honest. Especially when you’re turbo boozy. Ugh. Near perfection.

I’m going to be always in love with you, surely? Can I swear it? I hope so.

I’ve also always thought that the one thing that would be amazing is being the centre of someone else’s universe. When you come along and tell me that you think that I’m the centre of your universe, isn’t it nigh on impossible for my heart not to almost burst?

Comfortable isn’t the right word, but what if this love comes from finding someone you feel utterly content with? You’re that someone who makes me comfortable with myself. It’s better than finding myself.

It’s a complete risk to fall for you, to love you, to need you, to want you. If it doesn’t work out, what happens then? Hang on though, what if it does?

There is one thing that you need to know. I don’t love you just because of who you are. When I’m with you, I’m better. Not just to you, but to everyone in my life. I know that you might think that is crazy. Maybe that’s because it is and I am. About this situation, about you.

Maybe that’s what this is? Sunshine. Craziness. Hurricanes. Having someone who helps you through different experiences, encourages you to try new things but will always have your back and make you feel safe?

All I wish for is to be your favourite boy. When you think of me, you smile. Your favourite smile. All I know is that your the prettiest thing that I’ve ever seen. I just want to be somebody for you.

I know now that I’ll always want that.

Quiet nights in. Wine. Me hearing about your day. I cook, you speak. I massage your feet, you relax. Just that.

So here it is, one more time. I find you incredibly beautiful. The best part about getting to know you more is knowing that each day will bring new surprises that are all about you. The flipside is that you’ll find out new things about me too.

Our friendship has been born because in that moment you said hello. My heart has been exploding ever since. I’ve cherished all our moments. The best thing is that there will be more moments. Since I’ve met you, I began to understand why all of my past relationships came to an end. You. It was always you.

I just want to be somebody to someone. Now I know who that someone is.

@TheSamMcLeod