Dying flowers.

Maybe it’s naivety, but one day you begin to realise that there are surprises everywhere in your life that you haven’t seen coming. The very definition of surprise, I guess. Most of the time, we see only what we want to see though. You can read a situation and think that you know what’s going on, but do you really? You might decide one day that you know what you want to do for a living, but if it’s not what you truly want, aren’t you misleading yourself? You can like someone, but you know that there is absolutely no way that they’re ever going to like you back. What if you part of you thinks that they do, are you conning yourself once more?

Perhaps we deceive ourselves because we like to be deceived. We want to believe something to be true so badly in that moment, that we end up kidding ourselves on. If we want something to be true, don’t all of us generally believe it to be true? It turns out that you can fool yourself, and whilst you might think it’s impossible, it’s one of the easiest things of all.

Haven’t we all been misled at some moments in our lives by others? It isn’t always your fault if you get things wrong or misjudge a situation though.

There’s a girl. We meet through work and whilst she’s pretty, there’s no attraction. You can find someone attractive without doing anything about it, right? Both of us, as well as others, have to interact over the next number of months on various different projects. Sometimes we all grab coffee or lunch together, and you realise the more that you enjoy someone’s company, the more time that you spend with them. Our work ends, but the relationship develops over time when we bump into each other randomly. One night in a bar, I’m out with my friends, she’s out with her friends, a lot of which are mutual, and we come across each other again. We hug, we chat, we catch up, and at the end of the night, all of our mutual friends head back to her flat to keep the night going.

It’s a late one and we’re all a little bit worse for wear. A lot of people crash out and I’m invited to stay too, and to sleep in her bed. It’s purely platonic, and I’m happy to accept, and not to have to fork out a fortune on a taxi. Two people in a king size bed, both hugging the opposite edges, we couldn’t have slept further apart. There’s a cuteness to it that makes me smile though, and I sleep.

As is the case after a heavy one, you wake in the middle of the night dehydrated. I get up, knowing that there are bottles of water in the fridge. As I reach the hallway, the front door opens and I smell the perfume before I see the girl. Fuck though, I’m just wearing Calvins. She closes the door and turns around. Hands down, she is the most aesthetically perfect girl that I’ve ever seen in my life. She’s beautiful, mesmerising and dressed to draw eyes in her direction. She’s grinning at me, which is fair given my outfit, and I can’t concentrate. She introduces herself as the flatmate, let’s call her F, and she bravely leans in for a hug. Given my attire, I end up giving the shittest hug in history. It looks like I’ve shot myself in the foot within ten seconds of meeting her. A smile from her and an embarrased grin from me follows, and goodnights are exchanged.

Sleep is difficult, there are butterflies. The morning comes, I get dressed, make coffee for my friend, say my thanks, we hug, and I leave. It turns out that I’ll only see her once more because she has to relocate for work, but she’s not who I’m thinking about. I don’t see the flatmate in the morning but I think about her more than I should. She has eyes that make me shy and has the gentlest whisper of a voice. I resign myself to the fact that I’ll probably never see her again.

A notification pops up on my iPhone the day after, from someone requesting to add me on Facebook but I don’t recognise the name. I click on it and I know immediately who it is. Isn’t it funny how one message can make your day a lot brighter? We don’t interact much though, and I put her out of my mind, tough as it is. I don’t have the courage to ask her out because it’ll be awkward when she says no. I’m 99% sure that she doesn’t like me in that way, but there’s always that 1% that keeps me guessing. You can want who you want, and that’s okay. The problem is that the other person can also want who they want.

Weeks and months pass, and she occasionally crosses my mind.

A night out with the boys isn’t a regular thing, but our calendars finally align and we arrange dinner and drinks. Party of five, three of us married, one soon to be engaged and a single man who sometimes thinks of someone he could never have. The night is suitably raucous, bars follow the restaurant, a nightclub follows the bars. Later, it’s time for a taxi and to head for bed.

The taxi queue is huge and guess who’s in front of me? It’s been a while since we’ve seen each other, and at least I’m wearing more clothes this time. We catch up and we’re heading in the same direction, so she offers to drop me off on the way. Only an idiot would say no. We catch up, and before I get to where I need to be, she asks if I’d like to come in for a glass of wine and some food? Again, only an idiot would say no.

Wine is poured and food is ordered. She asks me to stick a film on, and Who Framed Roger Rabbit is in her collection. No brainer, right? We drink, we chat, we laugh. She quotes the film regularly, could she be perfect?

The film progresses, and the doorbell rings just as F and Jessica Rabbit say at the same time, “You don’t know how hard it is being a woman looking the way I do.” She goes to open the door and I whisper the next line, “You don’t know how hard it is being a man looking at a woman, looking the way you do.”

It’s only when she’s at the front door that I notice a photograph of her, a man and a baby.

She returns with the food and I ask about the picture. She looks at me candidly, and tells me that it’s her husband and her son and that both are out of town. She tells me that he cheated on her and that she wants to have her revenge, to get her own back with someone that she’s always liked. No need to worry, I’m only responsible for what I say, not about what you understand, she said.

My appetite is gone on both counts, time to go.

One of the things that I always wanted to happen, will never happen now. Who wants to be that guy? It could have been something that blossomed, but now it’s like dying flowers. It seems that some things that burn bright, burn short.

@TheSamMcLeod

Pretending.

Omertà. Among the Mafia, it’s the code of silence about criminal activity and a refusal to give evidence to the police. It’s a slight variation of the Italian word, umiltà, which means humility. It’s about having rules and solidarity with the people that you’re closest to.

Maybe all of us in our lives have an internal code of conduct. A way of how we want to live, how we want to behave every day, how we want to be perceived by others. Is it just morality? Perhaps it’s intrinsic inside you, something that you know that you have to stick to at all times, no matter what, no questions asked.

Some rules are nowhere near as important as morality, but if you make rules, you have to stick to them. No possibility at all of deviating from them, no matter how much you might want to. Some rules are meant to be broken, but there are also rules that you can’t break. Omertà.

Ladies have a code, right? You can be damn sure that some boys have one too, although, clearly, they all vary between groups of friends, mine included. Some of the rules are serious, some are ridiculous but they’re all adhered to.

If you’re introducing a friend to a girl that you know that he likes, he automatically becomes the best guy on the planet. You talk him up in every single way that you can. It’s always your job to be a good wingman.

It’s unacceptable to try and hit on your friend’s girl, during, or after their relationship. You’re also forbidden from asking her if she has any friends that she can set you up with. Not cool.

It’s your responsibility to tell your friend if you ever discover that his girl is being unfaithful.

If your friend has a girl, you’re always super nice to her every time that you’re in her company. If he asks for your honest opinion on her though, then that’s what he gets. No bullshit, no sugarcoating, no pretence. If we see that girl messing you about and expecting you to do whatever she wants you to, all of the time, a serious conversation will be had.

If your friend is out with a new girl for the first time, and within the first ten minutes he’s not feeling it, you will answer his cry for help text with a call, giving him an excuse to slip away. 100% of the time.

No man hug takes place without a handshake first.

No selfies, even if a pretty girl asks you to take one with her. It’s not happening, they’re strictly forbidden.

If the girl wears sunglasses on top of her head, she’s given a wide berth. Just take them off ladies, we want to see all of you.

Never trust a girl that wears sunglasses on top of her head. It’s not right, just take them off if you’re not wearing them.

Food is never shared, under any circumstances. None of the friends can ever have a sip of anyone else’s beer, but we will buy you your own one.

Neither hamburgers or pizza are ever eaten with any form of cutlery. Ever. Ever ever.

You always offer up the last beer and last slice of pizza, even if you want both.

If two of you walk into a public bathroom at the same time, and there are only three urinals that are free, it’s immediately understood that neither of you takes the middle one. Conversation is a no-no until you both leave.

You do not touch anyone’s laptop or phone to send prank emails or messages. No bueno.

If you go on holiday, definitely do not send us postcards. Offers of duty free are expected though.

Rock, paper, scissors will be used to settle any disagreements about who is right.

If any of us are hanging out and regardless of whether or not the DVD is present, if Die Hard is on TV, it’s getting watched. Best Christmas movie ever.

It’s okay for some or all of us to have that same crush, but we all know the rules. If two or more of us happen to like the same girl, whoever calls dibs first, has dibs.

My best friend is in town for work and we arrange to meet at his hotel for drinks before heading out. I get there just as a message comes through that he’s stuck in a meeting and will be late. No problem, a drink at the bar by myself, it is. A beer in hand and football on the TV, things could be worse. Things are about to get a whole lot better. A girl walks out of the lift, orders a drink and sits down at the bar too. We lock eyes, smile at each other and then I get back to the football. It turns out that she’s into the game as well and also begins to watch. Truth be told, she’s more vocal than I am, which makes me smile and we get chatting. Her friend is running late too, so we spend over an hour talking all sorts of random nonsense to each other. She makes me laugh and smile to the point that I’m not even chasing my friend to see how much longer he’ll be. She’s fantastic company and it doesn’t hurt that she’s super cute. Her friend finally rocks up, so we smile and say our goodbyes with lingering glances. Only then do I realise that I didn’t ask for her number. All I have is her first name and the hotel that she’s staying in, but no one wants to be that creepy guy hanging about all night waiting for her to return.

Shortly after, my friend arrives, apologises, and gets changed quickly. We hug, handshake first though, remember, and we head out. It’s always good to see an old friend and we catch up about everything. We talk shit about sports, what our mutual friends have been getting up to and he tells me about this girl that he’s met. She sounds amazing, but if I ever meet her, she could be subjected to some of the rules. I tell him about the pretty much perfect hour that I just spent with a girl waiting for him and he reminds me of the rules too. It’s just how it is, any of our other friends would think the same. As I don’t have her number, the possibility that anything will happen is highly unlikely though. Drinks go on, long into the night and we leave at closing time. A plan is made, hotel for a quick nightcap and then a taxi for me once we’re done catching up.

We get there and the bar is empty, apart from two girls, sat chatting to the barman. Upon hearing the night porter let us in, they turn round and my friend’s face breaks into a massive smile, at just about the same time as mine. There’s the girl from earlier, how lucky am I? There’s the girl I was telling you about, he says to me. I’m no longer smiling, I’m hoping that she’s not the same girl but I know in my heart that she is.

We get drinks and start talking, but I’m not a big part of the conversation. She looks at me quizzically and you can tell that she’s wondering what’s changed in the space of a few hours, but I can’t tell her. I’m just trying to play it cool now, but that’s not what I want to do. You don’t have to be a genius to figure that there is something between us. He doesn’t click, but then she does as he’s talking to her, she knows. She smiles at me wistfully and I gently shrug. Dibs.

Crushed. I guess that’s why it’s called a crush.

Some things have to remain a secret though. Omertà.

@TheSamMcLeod

Minus the tears.

You can ask questions of yourself constantly. Sometimes those questions are not massively important in the grand scheme of things. What do I want for dinner? Which outfit am I rocking today? Now and again, the questions are a bit more serious. What do I want to do with my life, what do I want to achieve? Do I want to be in a relationship and in love? Who do I want that person to be? So many questions and sometimes, you don’t have all of the answers. Occasionally though, someone or something happens to you, and your question which you couldn’t find the answer to, gets answered for you.

Starting anything new is like a roller coaster. Ups and downs, but that’s okay, nothing is ever perfect. She was close to it though. I didn’t accidentally fall in love with her, but it wasn’t on purpose. You take a chance because you should. Sure, you might get hurt, but without taking the chance, how will you know? It would be like not going to the playground because you might fall off of a swing.

She was amazing. She is amazing. Her eyes have an endless twinkle. It took us some time but we got to the stage where we could mention the L word. Sometimes though, as good as things can be, and despite how long or short of a time that you’ve spent together, things come to an end. Could it be that the best time to figure out who you are, and what you really want out of life is just when someone breaks your heart?

We’ve all experienced being loved and we’ve all experienced having our hearts broken. Those experiences aren’t the same for everyone but we’ve all had them. It doesn’t matter who ended things, you’re both still allowed to hurt. One morning you’ll wake up and your heart, for the first time, won’t hurt as much as it did the day before. It might take a month, six months or a year of sleepless nights. You have to keep going. Letting go of someone doesn’t mean that you don’t care about them anymore. Perhaps you just hit that point when it dawns on you that the only person that you can really count on, is yourself. It’s not strength necessarily, isn’t it understanding? It can be the most painful thing you might ever have to do, hopefully though, you’ll get to a place where you’re okay again. Maybe one day, you’ll be able to have a relationship, even if it’s just a friendship. Right now though, any sort of relationship or any sort of conversation is out of the question. Both are irretrievable, at least for the foreseeable future.

I know we’re not supposed to talk.

In the aftermath of something ending, your brain works overtime, it would be easy to drive yourself crazy. You’re missing her or him, but you know that you need to move on. If you can’t do anything about it though, then you have to let it go. You know it’s for the best, and yet you still question things. Those fucking questions again.

Your heart and your head are a mess. Change is difficult, you can want to fight to hold on but sometimes it’s easier to not fight and to just let go. Maybe if you can manage to say goodbye to each other on decent terms, then there might be a future for you both in some way, shape or form.

I don’t want to and I can’t force it though. It’s causing hurt and pain, so this isn’t meant for me right now. Hurt and pain aren’t meant for any of us. Maybe when emotions are raw, the more you fight for something that isn’t for you, the more it’ll hit you back harder. It’s pretty much impossible to try and discard the memories though.

No matter how much suffering you’ve been through, you want to keep a hold of those memories. So I saved all of the messages, all of the texts, all of the videos. Those are the tangible memories, rather than the ones you think wistfully about in your head. Just to remind myself of how good it is. Shit, how it was.

I look at her eyes and there is a nothing there that means everything. Zero trace of anything that had gone before and I knew it was done. Relief, in a way, we were over. I felt an incredible sadness, because I might never look at her the same way again. I’ll never be that boy again because I was her boy. She might not admit it now, but she’ll never be that girl again because she was my girl. The girl who chased me to try and make me realise that she could be my everything. The girl who put up with me saying no all of the time but who loved me anyway, until something clicked in my head that all I wanted to say to her was yes.

My today is about to become my tomorrow. Time to move on? Impossible right now, the thought of it makes me feel like I’m standing on a diving board above an empty pool. When you tell yourself you’re done, you’re done. Aren’t you?

I shouldn’t miss you, I can’t help it, I just…

@TheSamMcLeod

There’s no way I can pay you back.

When someone close to you passes away, everyone around you tells you that loss gets easier with time. Their hearts are in the right place, but they’re not telling the truth. Loss happens to all of us constantly, and the sadness would cripple us if it wasn’t for the support of friends and loved ones, so you can understand that they are hurting for you and that their words might not be quite right in that second. As time goes on, the thoughts of the person you’ve lost, becomes more infrequent and the periods of times that you miss them grow longer.

Something will happen to you occasionally though, maybe you hear a song or you see a photograph, and you remember to miss them again, but it’s still with a heartbreaking pain. You feel guilty because it’s been too long since you remembered missing them or thinking about them. It’s just life, you shouldn’t feel too bad, although you do. More words that you can appreciate but they feel hollow, don’t they? You’re sad and that’s okay.

Maybe from your sadness, a feeling of thankfulness takes place? Their passing can be a reminder to you that your moments are limited and that we should all grasp the chances we have to live as adventurously as we can, to be happy, to forgive, to love.

We didn’t always see eye to eye, but the plan is to show you that I understand.

The anniversary of losing someone is hard, but you need to try and stay strong for the family around you. It’s okay though to have some private time to yourself to cry, to grieve, to remember, even to smile.

Today is one of those days. You have me crying and smiling at the same time when I think of you. I miss you, we miss you. I love you, we love you. It might seem like it doesn’t happen every day, but it does. Thank you for being who you were.

You are appreciated.

Hopes and dreams and everything.

You can kid yourself on that you don’t like someone. Look in their eyes and ask yourself again if you truly believe that. Your brain can tell you that you don’t like someone, but what if your heart is on a different page?

You can get to know someone, not just with words, but with your eyes too. How they move, how they smile. How their hand reaches out for your hand at exactly at the same time, but neither of you realise in that moment, it just happens. You click.

You can meet someone that you didn’t think that you needed or wanted. You can be wrong. Don’t you sometimes push a door to see if there’s anything behind it? We all understand what it’s like to want something, but you sometimes try and force yourself to really believe that you don’t.

Maybe it’s just flirting initially. Those eyes again, catching the look of someone that you don’t know. At least you don’t know them yet, assuming that you’re interested. Or that they are. If you’re lucky enough, you can meet someone that can say things with their eyes that renders words meaningless. Someone that can make your eyeballs feel cold, because you can’t help but look.

It’s tough though. If you’re coming out of something serious, or you’re not over that one person that you thought you’d be with forever, it’s hard to put yourself out there and to make the first move, to make yourself vulnerable. Sometimes you can be closed off to the world, sometimes funny, sometimes shy and sometimes absolutely terrified of telling someone that you like them.

Maybe we’re all the same? We’re all boring at times. We’re all ordinary in our own way. Fuck, we’re all absolutely box office in our own way. Aren’t we all shy too though at times? Perhaps it just depends on the day that we’re having. It’s okay to not know all of the answers, but don’t you always want to try and be brave enough to be able to ask all of the questions?

It’s okay to be a bit awkward though. Sometimes think people can think that you’re standoffish and that you can’t have a normal conversation, and that you’re rude, but you’re really not. Quietness. Shyness. With your close friends, you could talk the hind leg off of a donkey, but chances are that most of the time, you’re never going to be the life and soul of the party.

That shyness inside can make it difficult for you to open up to the opposite sex and ask a question that you know that you want to ask. What happens though you look at someone, you talk to them and then your heart beats faster? You have to ask. If you like someone, you have to tell them. Sure, it might be difficult to come out with the words that you want to say, but isn’t it better to step up?

Maybe you stall before you start.

Sometimes you don’t want to like someone but it happens. Consequences create risks. The warning signs can be lit up like the Las Vegas Strip. Run before you stray too close. Easier said than done though, right? Don’t you have to put yourself back out there at some point?

I met her randomly. In ten minutes, I had a thousand thoughts of her and she noticed. My heart was pounding. It’s infuriating, someone can be everything that you could ever want, whilst simultaneously being no one that you could ever have. Maybe one day the penny will drop and you realise that hearts don’t mean to break other hearts.

I eventually plucked up the courage and asked the question, but she declined. She had me briefly but she lost me. I knew that I was falling for her. I was an idiot for thinking that she was falling for me too.

Maybe if something never even really starts, you never have to worry about it ending? It’s only after that you know that something isn’t going to happen, that you realise that you threw away so many other chances that you could have had, because you can’t have the one chance that you wanted in that moment.

I was almost even a little bit happy that if it wasn’t going to be me that she wanted, it was going to be someone who she wanted.

I held her. We broke our hug, she left and didn’t look back. My feet are telling me that I need to chase after her. Sense kicks in and I close my eyes, exhale and stay exactly where I am. Maybe it’s the fact that she won’t come after me that hurts the most.

All I want for you to be is happy or something. I just miss what I thought we would have.

@TheSamMcLeod

Ticking of clocks.

Doesn’t having a type seem a bit restricting? You can say that you only like blondes, but then you can meet a brunette or a redhead who turn out to be fabulous. Do you ignore someone just because of some silly rule that you’ve created for yourself? Sometimes, someone comes into your life straight out of left field. Okay, it’s a baseball reference, but all it means is that something has happened to you that’s a little bit different, something untypical, something unusual. Hopefully it’s not a bad thing. You don’t need to try and find someone that you’re compatible with, maybe they find you, but you still need to work up the courage to talk to them. There are obvious pros and cons of dating, but you keep going until you find the person who might be the one. Could this finally be it?

It’s perfectly okay to decide to try someone new. Any new relationship always begins with a first for the both of you. Someone has to ask the first question and someone has to be ready with the first answer. There will be plenty of more firsts to come, if the answer to the question was yes. A first date, a first drink, a first meal together, a first kiss. Anything new is exciting. First never follows, right?

Sometimes though, one of you falls harder than the other.

What happens if one of you is rebounding? Perhaps the person that you meet, still hasn’t moved on from their previous relationship. They might want nothing to do with their ex, but feelings don’t just go away. Maybe that makes them want to embrace something new, as hard as they can. It’s understandable though. Do you wait around for the previous love, even though there’s a chance you’ll get hurt again?

Once they’ve moved on though, that first love can become interested again, sparking hope that everything can work again for them once more. Maybe the new person in your life now has this constant debate of whether or not to move on properly. It’s not easy for them but you need to think of yourself, so now you’re not sure what to do. First you lose trust, then you get worried. Another first. You can naturally become distant and that almost makes them more needy. Someone can tell you that they want you, but if their head isn’t in the right place, doesn’t that make you hesitant? Understandably, you don’t get too close, too fast. You feel hurt, so you move on. All well and good but too soon? It’s easy to get caught up in a back and forth game of who has your heart.

Getting close to someone can make us vulnerable, liking someone can somehow scare us off. When you truly open yourself up to someone and give them your trust, it can be an uneasy feeling. Someone new can do nothing to jeopardise things, but we can still be irrationally worried that something bad is going to happen because of things that have happened to us before. When you lose trust in someone or something, it’s not difficult to feel anxious and to expect the worst. It’s not fair but you feel how you feel.

It’s natural that you have the feeling that you’ll get hurt again and that you’ll become trapped about worrying what to do. The emotional miles add up. No one ever tells you where the edge of the pool is. You just wade out there and at some point, you find yourself in deep water. Do you keep on swimming or do you turn back? It’s easy to ask yourself, how am I the lucky one?

That feeling when you become close with someone. Maybe it’s something and nothing initially. A thing that just happened in the moment. It grows slower for one of you, but it still grows.

When you meet someone who has recently left someone, they might have chosen to move on, but isn’t there still going to be a love between the two of them? Maybe they chased you though? A lot of us have pursued and a lot of us have been pursued. We’ve all been rejected, and most of us have rejected at least one person in our lives. We all lose now and again, sometimes we win, nobody’s completely infallible. We know it’s unfair but it is what it is. Life.

Maybe you can be happy with someone new, but you can’t shake the feeling that maybe you should have stayed where you were. Maybe moving on was wrong, and you’re frightened that you’ll lose that love forever. Choose. You’re either in or you’re out. There are no more games to be played.

Focus on yourself. You never want to be so busy living that you forget to make a life for yourself. There’s no point in going looking for a pineapple if you already have a peach.

It was her. She was the one who showed interest first, she wanted this relationship first. She became confusing, someone that you couldn’t talk to about how you were feeling. She became cold and avoidant. It was confusing, given how she’d previously been so inviting. She said she wanted something, and then suddenly she wanted something different. Someone different.

I look at her and have no idea what she’s thinking. I used to think that I liked not having the answers to everything important. Now I know that I need them. I need to know. I do not deserve to wait around forever when you were there first.

@TheSamMcLeod

Light up your wildest dreams.

When is the best time to start or try something new? Today, tomorrow? Maybe it depends on what it is, perhaps nothing should have a timescale. A new job, a new relationship, moving house, are all massive changes in your life. You can be excited and scared at the same time, just human nature, right? Fear plays a big part in all of our lives, it doesn’t matter who you are. Perhaps if you can understand that fear on some level, things become slightly easier. It doesn’t really matter if you’re scared of getting into a new relationship, or taking a new job, or moving, you have to confront your fears at some point.

A lot of the time, when we make a plan to change our lives, it’s easy to focus on all the practical stuff. Isn’t it true though, that changing your life starts with changing the way that you see things in your life? You don’t choose to alter things otherwise. You’ve identified that something isn’t quite right, so you look for something different that will make you happier. You’re brave, because change isn’t easy.

Change is scary, no doubt about it. What if it doesn’t work out? What if it does though? Maybe the only way to find out if you’re going to be truly happy, is to risk exposing yourself to everything. Everyone gets things wrong. Not many of us realise the importance of a decision until we make a mistake. If you make the wrong choice a dozen times in a row, does making the thirteenth choice right, negate everything that’s gone before? You can make errors, you can take a risk and look like the silliest person in the world, but you have to keep on going. Doing something different might give you cause for concern, but if it scares you, it might be a good thing to try. Whatever you decide to do though, you do everything to make sure that it makes you happy. Common sense.

Sure, doubts can happen, but don’t you still take that step? Mistakes are often seen as a failure, but are they really? You learn from everything. Regret what you’ve done, rather that what you haven’t? How many chances do we get in a lifetime, and if we let them go, will we regret them for the rest of our lives? Those moments, when we lose them, can’t be found again. They’re just gone. What if you decide against changing things for the better? You’ll never know about those lost chances, those lost opportunities, those lost possibilities. It’s okay to be scared though. So many of us live a life that doesn’t make us happy, but we don’t ever take the initiative to change our situation. Isn’t one of the best things about being alive, having a passion for adventure and experiencing new things?

Be something greater, go make a legacy?

For example, what would you give for one more night with someone that you’ve lost? One more conversation, one chance to make up for the times when you took them for granted because you thought that they would be around forever? Wouldn’t you grab every minute of it and never give any of those minutes back until there was nothing left of them? Why not do the same for yourself?

Not all decisions need to be permanent, but isn’t that the same with indecision? Don’t you need to make a choice either way? Maybe your future comes from your past. Maybe there is another life that you could have had, but you’re having this one, so you make it the best you can. What if something happens to you and you can make it a new one? Maybe you don’t settle down in one place or stick with the same job. Everyone is different though. Hopefully, most of us will live a long time and have the opportunity to change our lives and move into an experience, but it will only happen if we want it to.

Maybe everything you want is out there for you to grab it, but if you don’t reach for it, you’ll never know. The only person you need to convince is yourself. If things are perfect in your life, then you’re super lucky. If they’re not though, it’s time to convince yourself, that something needs to change.

Things are going to change.

Being in limbo hasn’t been much fun. A day came when it was time to start searching for different answers. Opportunities happen rarely on their own, sometimes you need to go out and find them. A new place to live, a new job, even someone new in your life. One step at a time though, right? Decide where you want to live. Find out what it is that you like doing best, and get someone to pay you for going to work every day. Let’s face it, the expert in what you do, was once a novice but you can be that person. High hopes. Discover if you’re ready for someone new. Two out of three seems to be okay with a certain American.

There can be many things in life that catch your eye, but not many catch your heart. You know which ones to go after.

A moment has just changed the game. Not just for me, but for a lot of people around me that I love dearly. I hoped this day would come, I didn’t know how but I always had a feeling.

Rewrite your history, light up your wildest dreams.

@TheSamMcLeod