We were boxing the stars.

Sometimes it’s the tiniest things that brings your feelings to the surface. A spark of emotion can trigger a laugh, a smile, a tear. Different things do that to each of us, a random meeting with someone that you didn’t expect to see, perhaps a message out of the blue.

All you want with someone is to feel good, right? When you’re with them, it doesn’t matter that the world is messed up, because they could be your world now. That one person that makes your bad days good, and your good days even better.

It’s sad to have love and not be able to share it with anyone, but isn’t that the point, you don’t want to share it with just anyone? You need to take a chance sometimes, do you keep your hand by your side forever or put it on someone’s heart? Take a leap of faith and hope that they treat you right? Sure, go for your life, no one needs or wants to be played though, so you’re careful. There’s no sense in being with someone when all they want to do is manipulate you. Someone who wants to beguile and seduce you is infinitely better, right? If you’re looking for, or trying to find someone new, there will be hiccups, there will be bumps in the road. The good parts can become great, but now and again it’s hard not to think of those times when things went wrong before with someone different. You still try though if you really want to, no point in moping around forever, but it takes balls to put yourself out there.

How do you read the signs to figure out that someone likes you? Maybe everyone around you tells you that the person is into you, always nice to have a helping hand if you’re not self-aware. When they’re always the one to start the conversation, when they listen to you all the time, when they continually offer you compliments, doesn’t the penny begin to drop? Perhaps they’re a friend so you’re naturally in touch regularly. You can look back on things later and realise that the conversations always centred on the same topics. No one that you like are good enough for you, in their opinion. The subject gets changed when you mention someone that you might potentially be into, they’re always talking in future tense about what comes next for the both of you. When you’re in their company, you catch their eye and they’re staring at you, whilst smiling a lot. They find excuses for you to be alone together and they remember details about you that others don’t.

It’s possible to look at people differently as your friendship or relationship grows. Feelings can change and then there might come a day when you can’t hold back. You might finally click that a friend is looking for an answer to a question that you’re not sure if you’re prepared to ask. Tough to do, what if the whole situation between you both changes, will you kick yourself forever or be happy to have taken the plunge? You can like someone without always having to tell them and yes, the rejection might be painful, but isn’t it worth putting yourself out there? Shouldn’t they find it flattering even if they don’t like you back in that way? Thinking about it too much can be a difficult place and sometimes you don’t know if you can ask any of your other friends for advice. You can be absolutely surrounded by people but feel lonelier than ever.

Have you ever been alone in a crowded room?

She didn’t let him know about her secret for a long time, thinking that she was content to stay in the friend zone forever. One night she told him drunkenly during a lengthy catch up, that he was just wasting time with any of the other girl friends in his life, and then promptly hung up. Clearly, some things are too obvious to some to stay a secret for too long. He has to move forward but isn’t entirely sure that he’s really thinking, the dynamic has changed now. A conversation happens again soon after, and it’s clear that she doesn’t remember anything that she said to him. What to do, does he say something or not? She’s a cool girl, they’ve been friends for years and maybe there could be something, it could be the start of something amazing.

No point asking the question unless there might be that possibility to take it to the next level. Courage is plucked up, the words are spoken and he gets that one reply that can break you. No. Talk about using a shotgun to kill a mosquito.

Time passes and she’s in touch again. Make your mind up if you like someone, this doesn’t need to be a masked ball where we all go as someone else. Be yourself.

It’s now clear that she likes him a lot but when someone says no, it’s difficult to go back, isn’t the friendship a more important thing to save? She could have been a girl that he could have fallen in love with, but she’s pressuring him to do something now that he wanted to do before, and something doesn’t sit right. Can he fix the problem between them? Can she accept things and realise what they had and hopefully still have, is more important than potentially fucking it all up?

He knows that it’s not going to work out now, and it’s for the better if they give it up. Only one of them is willing to admit it, but even though she messed it up, she should know that he’ll always be there for her in the end. It’s difficult but don’t we all need to do what feels right, even if someone wants us to do something else?

What you could possibly expect under this condition? If you’ve ever been alone, you’ll know.

There was a chance, but maybe we were boxing the stars.

@TheSamMcLeod

It just takes some time.

Day 12.

2019, another day of growing. Another day of growing up though?

When we’re young, the thought of getting older doesn’t enter our heads too much. We’re young, we’re innocent, we pretty much don’t have a care in the world. Our parents look after us, we get the love that we didn’t know we needed, but it’s there. The cost of clothes, food, things to do as a family are all covered by someone else. You don’t know yet how grateful you are because you’re not emotionally mature enough. One day things change though, and then maybe one of the two most important people in your life aren’t there anymore.

Relationships end, but you only know and understand that when you’re older. Dad was there and then he wasn’t. He visited a lot though, so at first things didn’t seem too different. We hung out, we did things that any child and parent would do, kick a ball around, go to the park, hit the funfair. Essentially though, you’re being raised every day by a single parent. Money is tight, things are hard and despite the other parent being around, you realise that things are different now. No trips for the three of you together, less attention obviously, and a dawning realisation that your life will probably never be the same again.

A lot of older people say that your schooldays are the best days of your life, but at the time, you think they’re bonkers, right? There’s a saying that “there’s nothing more pure and cruel as a child.”

Word spreads at school and the bigger boys, the bullies are lapping it up. Fun is made of the fact that he’s not around so much. Your clothes aren’t as new as they once were and you know that she can’t afford what she once could. No fault of anyone, just circumstance. It doesn’t stop those bullies taunting you every day, to the point where you wish that the day could end and you could be at home. Going home with a black eye or blood on you, quickly makes you learn that it’s better to lie, rather than to hurt someone else with the truth. I tripped, I fell, it happened at sports. You might not be religious but you pray for the weekend to come.

You dread Monday coming around, don’t you worry what their bitter hearts are going to say?

Is it true that people who love life don’t hurt anyone? Perhaps the more that some people hate themselves, the more they want others to suffer hurt, emotionally or physically. It’s so difficult sometimes to be yourself in a world where a lot of people around you during your formative years, are trying to make you be someone else. Bullying is fucking horrible, but it turns out that there’s no reason for it to stick with you forever. Bullying is for people who zero confidence, they’re scared of you. You have something that they don’t, and that’s why they pick on you. Try not to let their words affect you because they’re the ones needing confidence, not you. Sure, you try and do all of the little things it takes to dodge them as you grow up, but you should never stop trying to having fun too. You don’t want to become everything that you were afraid of when you were growing up.

It’s tough and sometimes you hold on to things the way that they used to be. You can wonder what’s to come for you and that’s okay. You can feel bullied as an adult but don’t all of the same rules as a child to try and get past it all, still apply as you get older? There are new days to come, there will be other days to come.

This year could be amazing, maybe you have something on your horizon that excites the hell out of you? Is there sometimes a part of you that thinks because something came together so beautifully and so quickly, that it doesn’t mean as much as something you struggled with? You might be imitated by many, but you’re duplicated by none.

Don’t write yourself off yet.

@TheSamMcLeod
#YouMeMusicLifeResolutions

Your beautiful destiny.

Day 8.

One day it hits you that you’re not really a child anymore. When that time comes though is different for everyone of us. When you move out of home, maybe after your first relationship when that person breaks your heart. Perhaps you know that the end of your childhood is here when you realise that you know as much as the adults in your life do. Maybe it happens when you start looking back on things and wishing that you could change them, it’s all subjective. Whenever it is, we grow up almost overnight because we have to. A stage in your life when your innocence disappears, a time when our awareness of having to be responsible kicks in. Sucks, right? Can one of your resolutions be to try and rediscover the things that you enjoyed before you had to put on your big boy shoes?

As you grow up, you get told a shit ton of things by people, especially your parents. One is almost universally being convinced that you can do anything with your life. It’s a nice thought, but the thing is, somewhere between being a child and becoming an adult, things change, your plans change. Your parents mould your world but then one day, you get to do it all for yourself and maybe even help contribute to someone else’s. We need some advice now and again about growing up and facing all of the things that life is going to throw at us, but you can choose to take whichever piece of wisdom you get given. Don’t we all want to find that X on our own personal treasure map though?

Growing up doesn’t need to be a bad thing, it lets us find our own place in the world, to find out who we really are, and to live the life that we imagined we’d have when we were younger.

Yet as the days continue to pass, don’t you find that the dreams you had then, and the reality you have now, are miles apart? Hopefully, it’s as good as we imagined, but often it’s slightly less cool than we’d pictured. Maybe the only thing we really want back is our childhood, but you know that those days will never return, you can’t get them back.

When we were younger, it was a time when delight was the only season. Not yet proper adults, just young people living the life that makes us wistful now. Breaking curfews, getting grounded. Gatecrashing a party, kissing as many of the girls there as you wanted, or who were willing to let you, and you didn’t think anything of it. Stumbling home early in the morning, shaking your head and smirking at everyone heading to work. Everything was given to us, anything was possible, at least if you didn’t let your parents know about half of the stuff you’d been getting up to. Who would spill their secrets?

Maybe all you want to do sometimes as an adult is to get away from all of reality.

Growing old is happening to everyone but, is it possible to never grow up?

Everyone makes mistakes when we’re young, but if we counted those mistakes up against the ones we make as an adult, do any of us actually think that there were fewer when we were younger?

Growing up is difficult, because there will always be a moment when everything is a struggle. Won’t there always be a moment though when everything is perfect? Sure, you might have memories of doing some things that you won’t forget but know that you’ll never experience them again. Your life and the people in it are going to change, and the hardest part is realising that there’s nothing you can do about it.

A girl who I’m not with, but who I’ll always have love for, once went to a psychic and was asked to take photographs of the significant people in her life. She was told that I was Peter Pan and that I’d never grow up. So far, she’s been absolutely spot on. A different place will be called home this year but it won’t be Neverland.

No one likes getting older, but for some of us, maybe 2019 is the year to grow up. Maybe it’s time to go shopping for some big boy shoes.

@TheSamMcLeod
#YouMeMusicLifeResolutions

Rewinding the picture.

Day 7.

Alarm, an anxious awareness of danger, a warning sound or device.

It’s the last day of the year. It’s time to say goodbye to all of the bad things in your life that happened in 2018, but perhaps it’s farewell for some of the good things too. Letting go is difficult though, isn’t it? Whether it’s a friend, a job or a relationship, it can be so hard to let go of attachments, especially if you don’t really want to, but some things are necessary. You’re moving forward, so you’re letting go of the past that was beginning to drag you down. Good on all of us that have the bravery to make that decision.

If you want to forget something or someone, there’s little point second guessing yourself about the original decision you made to let that someone or something into your life. You live and learn, isn’t that the common saying? It can be even tougher if it’s a boy or girl that you were close to but what’s the point in hating him or her? Maybe you found out he or she was doing something that they shouldn’t have been, you just know sometimes that something isn’t quite right, but when you begin to question it, their barriers go up, and so your shutters tend to come down. Not everyone’s a mystery though, lots of people are open books and sometimes you just forget how to read. Sure, your world is a tiny bit emptier with their departure, but maybe they’ve been let go to free up space for someone that you might really need in 2019. It’s okay to get to the stage where you realise that someone belonged only to your past, time to begin to accept it, as much as it might hurt to do so.

It can be cathartic, the day comes when you understand everything that you need to do, the choice that you need to make, will be the day that you stop trying to figure your shit out. Letting go isn’t a thing that you do once though, it’s something you have to do every day, over and over again. It can be obvious to yourself that, although you’re down, you’re by no means out. New year, new start?

There’s a girl who was with someone else, and then they got together. She left her ex to start something new but there was always a part of him thinking that if she could do that to him, she could do it again. There goes the alarm.

It’s hard to let go of someone he cares about and it’s even more difficult to let go of the belief in her. The disappointment of finding out someone isn’t who he thought they were will sting for a while, but it’s time to see what lies ahead from tomorrow onwards.

Should he send a message to wish her all the best for the year ahead?

When that clock chimes at midnight, if you’re tempted to text a certain someone from your past on New Year’s Eve, don’t. Nope, just don’t do it, hopefully sense kicks in, there goes the alarm again.

@TheSamMcLeod
#YouMeMusicLifeResolutions

What dreams are made of.

Day 6.

Everyone has experienced one of those type of days. You wake up in the morning and you’re not motivated to do anything. Sometimes, maybe you can do nothing and laze the day away, but chances are that you still have things to be getting on with. It’s just life, but so full of duties, personal issues and responsibilities that sometimes it can be impossible to know where to start. None of us likes to admit it, but aren’t we all are struggling to get motivated from time to time? Often we simply can’t get started with doing what we need to do. It can be a daily struggle, just a circle that we can’t seem to escape. Things will change though, won’t they?

There’s an old Chinese proverb that probably nails it if you’re struggling. “Deep doubts, deep wisdom; small doubts, little wisdom.”

Doubt can be a useful thing, it keeps you guessing. Can you know the strength of yourself until you’ve been tested? What do you do to try and make things better, doubt your doubts before you doubt yourself? It’s okay, being scared about whatever you want to achieve in 2019 is natural. What’s the point in ever doubting your own instinct? Doubt everything, find your own motivation to do what you need or want to do next year. If you’ve ever met someone that’s famous or successful and you’ve managed to spend some time with them, you know intrinsically that even they have doubts, that they have fears, that they have worries. They just don’t let these feelings stop them from pushing on. Not a bad lesson to learn as a new year gets closer.

It’s tough to always be strong though, and perhaps the worst part about that to the people in your life, is that no one seems to ever ask if you’re okay. One of the problems with the world is that some people are always so certain of themselves, whilst maybe the wiser ones can be full of doubt. That’s fine, you figure out your own motivation, what’s going to make you happy. Letting someone else be a roadblock to what makes you fulfilled on your journey to your goals is stupid. Doubt will kill your dreams before failure ever will.
Show no fear, have no regrets, display no weakness. This might sound tough as this year closes but don’t waste a second of your life, it’s too short and you’re too fucking special.

We’ve all had a lot dreams growing up. Time to make some of them come true? Will there be difficulties? For sure, but these challenges will make you feel better once you get what you want to achieve.

Hard work and determination can take you where you want to go if you have an idea or a plan. Is there doubt about what lies ahead? Absolutely. Is there trepidation? You’d better believe it. What’s the point wondering about what if though? Several plans have been made, it’s your turn now. It could be a big year ahead for you if you want it to be one.

Just watch. Set, ready, go for the take off.

@TheSamMcLeod
#YouMeMusicLifeResolutions

Don’t hold back.

Day 5

The final day of the twelfth month of the year is approaching, so maybe you’re hard at work thinking about your New Year’s resolutions. Like all of us, there will definitely be some that you’ll never keep, but it’ll be the same next year and the year after that, won’t it? Perhaps keeping a resolution is having the motivation to carry on thinking about it or them throughout the next 365 days. What helps you to find that motivation though? Music? Travel? Why don’t we all try and live the life that we’ve always wanted?

Wanderlust. “A strong desire for or impulse to wander or travel and explore the world.” The Dalai Lama once said “Once a year, go someplace you’ve never been before.” Clever guy.

Maybe 2019 is that opportunity to make time to see the world that you want to see. Where do you go, what do you want to experience? Part of the fun is in the planning so how about putting a plan into action? Research things yourself or seek out friends for recommendations? It has to be more enriching to see something once, than hear about it a thousand times though. Choose to listen to what they say, or go and see on your own? We all dream of seeing somewhere that we want to go, how about next year becomes the year when it finally happens? How long before you decide that every day is either an adventure or a thing that we just watch go by? Think about falling in love with cities or countries that you’ve never been to and with people that you’ve never met.

Lots of things in your life are scary as fuck and deciding to take a trip, especially on your own is brave. It’s not always comfortable and sometimes it hurts. It can break your heart if you need to escape whatever situation you have going on at home, but maybe you find that it’s more than acceptable to go and get lost for a while, to discover new things about yourself. If you do get lost but you know that you’re heading in the right direction, then give yourself a pat on the back. Maybe all that you need to know is that it’s possible to go dream and discover new stuff. Collect moments, not things?

Shouldn’t any journey you take change you? You’ll snap plenty of photographs but aren’t the better parts of time away, the experiences that leave marks on your memory? You’ll experience some things that will stay with you but you definitely leave something good behind too. Take memories, but leave your own imprint. It’s about the journey, right?

Find a winding road where strangers meet?

The trip is amazing, but it could have been so much better. It wasn’t part of any plan, it wasn’t noted down in any map that I’d thought about. Sometimes your worst nightmare comes true and it’s time to get away, to look after myself and collect my thoughts.

It hits home that I’m on a plane alone but I also realise that I won’t remember the time I spent working, it will be thinking about the new things I’m seeing, the new experiences from somewhere that I never thought I’d be. This going to be cathartic, hopefully. There’s so much that I’m not going to see, but I know there’s how much more that I need to experience. Sometimes you know that it’s not what you look at that matters, it is what you see. Be important to yourself.

Discover, explore, travel. Those things. Yesterday might be gone, today could be great, maybe tomorrow will be even better.

Tell yourself that no one you can hold you back from where you need to go.

@TheSamMcLeod
#YouMeMusicLifeResolutions

It’s complicated.

Day 3.

Maybe life has been reasonably safe for you in 2018, and that’s a fantastic thing, but could 2019 be an opportunity or time for a little danger? Christmas is gone, so if you’re making a list of what’s on your mind of what you want to achieve next year, you don’t need to check it twice. What is on the list for next year though, safe things or dangerous things? Get fit, don’t eat so much, lose weight, be in touch with people more? All of those things are great, but they’re safe, aren’t they? That’s okay, but isn’t the dawn of a new year a chance to stretch yourself and do some things that you didn’t think you could do, that you didn’t think was a possibility?

Everyone has a different impression on what constitutes taking risks. A bungee or parachute jump, travelling somewhere that you’ve never been before, moving house, perhaps starting something new with someone. Sure, the world is a dangerous place to live in at times, but isn’t part of enjoying it, experiencing something you never expected that you would?

It can be difficult though, because when you make any decision, the best thing you can do is obviously the right thing and probably the worst thing you can do is nothing at all. What if you don’t know which is which, whether to say yes or no to something? Maybe you seek advice from your friends, it’s not a bad idea. All of us are different though about what we perceive to be the right or wrong thing to do. Trust yourself?

Is the wrong thing at the right moment okay? It might not go as you planned, but it doesn’t mean that it was a bad idea or the wrong choice to make. Everything’s not going to go perfectly all of the time. Everybody has said or done the wrong thing and regretted it later, but at the time, you’re in the moment so you can’t help it. As you get older, you become more guarded about some things that you want to say yes to and you definitely get used to learn the things you want to say no to. Maybe the first thing that comes into your mind if you have to make a choice is the wrong thing. If you find yourself afraid or scared, does that means you’ve chosen poorly? Perhaps nothing’s dangerous if you know what you’re doing.

You still make a choice if you have to though, don’t you?

We used to message each other every day but then, all of a sudden, those messages stopped coming. There are no words that can be articulated to explain why, but clearly something changed. Something changed again and then she sends a new message years later. Suddenly, a decision is difficult. Stop and think about the words to reply with. Don’t reply at all? What’s going to happen? Could it be a thing? It’s dangerous to try and find out but a leap of faith is needed. Say yes and then worry about the consequences of it all going wrong later? Say no and regret not saying yes? It’s got the potential to be a new thing but is it dangerous for something to scare you that much? Tough to know, but tougher not to know? Your emotions have a way of playing with your head.

If it happens, will affection, appreciation and attention be enough? Maybe the biggest lesson is to not stop doing the things you did to get the person you want once you have them.

A dangerous choice needs to be made. Good or bad things will happen, fuck it, a reply is sent.

Am I out of my head, am I out of my mind? No one has to get it, just you and me. Nothing’s that bad if it feels good.

@TheSamMcLeod
#YouMeMusicLifeResolutions