Raise your glass in slow motion.

Everyone is guilty. Guilty of giving too much, of taking too much. Of not saying the words that we should have said, of articulating more words than was needed in any given situation. Not all of us keep in touch with family and friends, fuck, all of the people in our lives as much as we should. Sure, some of those people in your life will begin to fade away, it’s just life. Maybe you move away, they move away, you gradually lose touch, it’s not necessarily a conscious decision but it hurts on some sort of base level at least. On the flipside, there are people that you choose to keep around, regardless of where they are in the world, but now and again there comes a time when you have to make a choice about who those people are. Is this person making my life better or even just enriching it? It can be as simple as just liking the cut of their jib, they’re your friend. Sometimes though you have to know when to let go. Now and again time closes the door on any relationship that you have, not necessarily because you failed but just because something inside you finally has the balls to tell you that this particular someone or something no longer fits in your life.

What now? Lock your door, keep yourself to yourself for a while, and then start looking for new doors that you want or are ready to open? Is it a sign that you’re changing and you know that it’s going to be okay? Fingers crossed.

Letting go is incredibly tough though. It matters if we worry about the future without the ones that we no longer want to have in our lives, or if we keep thinking that we’ve made a mistake if we choose to let them go. You trust your heart and your mind though, right? Is it painful at times? Damn straight it is, it can be super hurtful when you know that you have to move on without certain people. No matter how hard we try to keep things as they are, sooner or later we’ll confronted with a decision to make, whether we like it or not. Our attempts to hold on to all of the negative people and things that were familiar to us, inhibit our chances to try experience happiness and joy in that particular moment and indeed in those future moments. Maybe it’s more than one moment and perhaps our lives are always supposed to be about change. No matter how hard we try to keep things as they are, sooner or later we’ll be confronted with a decision to make whether we like it or not.

It can be a good thing sometimes because now we can open up ourselves to to new experiences, new people, new possibilities. It sucks though when that time comes. It’s so clear, I should’ve seen it.

It blows my mind and I don’t understand it.

A change in life presents itself, different things are suddenly are on the horizon and decisions need to be made. Difficult ones, the worst kind. When you’re continually in touch with people and it’s a one way road, it’s time to say goodbye, isn’t it? Focus on yourself for once. Scratch that, focus on the most important person in my life, not me, a young girl who will benefit from this life altering decision. This is for you. Em, it will always be you.

Con te partirò is a beautiful song. It literally means ‘With you I will leave.’ This time though, it’s a solo journey, although there are people that will be left behind that I care about. That said, it’s important to forget what and who hurt me but I’ll never forget what it taught me. Some people need to be left behind because things and people weren’t who I thought they were. It might be the same from their perspective and that’s okay, we all believe what we want to. Maybe sometimes people come into your life just to teach you how to let go. We won’t be in touch again. In person, over Facebook or Twitter, Instagram, whichever social platform you wish to choose. No one wants to be shitty, but if you don’t want to keep in touch, then that’s okay, but don’t expect the same the other way around when a new life is starting. 10,394 miles or 16,727 in kilometers depending where you are in the world, it’s not my loss. Perhaps the worst thing is that this choice won’t even be on their respective radar but that’s okay. Easier to say goodbye than have someone bid you farewell, I guess.

Letting go isn’t a one time thing, it’s something you have to do over and over again. That’s a sad thing. Time to take a second look.

See your eyes, they’re wide open.

@TheSamMcLeod

Here comes the breath.

Things used to be so much easier when we were young, weren’t they? You dreamt dreams, you had hopes and fears, without knowing why or being able to understand them properly. It’s never easy to try and comprehend all of the things it takes to grow up in a world that we didn’t really understand, that we might not ever truly know. Growing up happens quicker than we’d like, but the memories of being a child stay with us for a long time. It’s easy for us to hold on to things that were, but still wonder about what’s to come. There are moments when everything is fine, and other moments where you realise that there are certain memories that you’ll never get back. People, stuff and things are going to change as you get older, is the hardest part knowing that there’s nothing you can do except watch on? We’re all curious when we’re young, we continually ask questions. Does that change as we get older, don’t we still need to ask things, some questions are more important than others?

How good were the times before there were any complicated relationships, drama, or heartbreak? A time when we got closer with someone just by holding hands or talking all night on the phone about anything and everything. A time that was amazing, and yet impossible to return to. Young love, your heart bouncing around like a lottery ball. The innocence of something, when you’re not sure if it meant anything. Living off of the fumes of just liking someone and it didn’t matter if they knew, but you were happy, yet too scared to ask the question that you know you should have. Maybe it’s the anticipation of something happening that was exciting, perhaps it’s the ambiguity of not knowing what will come to pass. You can’t control everything that happens though, just part of life. You’ll mess a lot of things up, but If you’re going to fuck things up, is it better to do it whilst you’re young? Maybe the older you get, the harder it becomes to recover. Who wants to grow up? If there’s a tree, I might want to climb it. If a football comes near me whilst out running or walking, you better believe that it’s getting fucking booted as hard as possible. It’s okay to be a kid at times.

‘I don’t get upset over things I can’t control because if I can’t control them, there’s no use getting upset. And I don’t get upset over the things I can control, because if I can control them, there’s no use in getting upset.’ A famous quote from an ex New York Yan***s player hits the nail on the head. We can’t control everything, easier said than done. You still need to try though, and part of that process is asking questions that you might find difficult. Just growing up, right? An evening comes, bourbon is poured and it’s time to think.

The lights are off and the sun is finally setting.

Do you ever feel like that your drowning in the words that you’ve never said? It’s hard to grow up, to ask the question you should, to tell someone that you like them because you’re too afraid of what might happen if they say no. Time to grow up? When you get older and you start to doubt yourself and you have you that insecurity about someone saying no, they almost become unattainable, it’s almost that feeling you get when you realise that there is someone you like. Too pretty, out of reach?

If you have any sense of moral fibre, then you know that things with someone new can only happen when you know that it’s done with the person before. Sure, it fucking hurts, but reality kicks in and you realise that you need to be kind to yourself. You loved them, you maybe always will, despite everything, but whilst that love lingers, it’s okay to say goodbye. That night, I finally think I know that we know that it’s time to let go of what could have had been, and look ahead to what might be coming. For both of us. How early is too early to move on? A month, a year? Fucking feelings, there are a shit ton of tears, who wants to move on from the person that they thought they would be with forever? The truth is lurking under the surface and my own conscience is waiting to blow up in my face unless I pluck up the courage. Ask or not, toss a coin? Heads or tails, how do you know until the coin lands?

More bourbon, probably not a good idea. Yes or no, literally a night spent on the window ledge staring outside at the night. Talk myself down or not? Dare I ask, how do I find out?

The night sky is changing overhead.

All I want to know is, can you…..

@TheSamMcLeod
@YouMeMusicLife

Let the lightning guide you.

‘All men dream, but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds, wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act on their dreams with open eyes, to make them possible.’

Not just the words of the next tattoo, but consonants and vowels that some of us might choose to try and live a tiny part of our lives by. It’s more than okay to dream about the things that we want to achieve, the things that we want to do, we all have them on some sort of level. Sure, chances are that not all of our dreams will come true, but don’t we need to try and make them happen? Depending on what they are, you know that they’ll take patience, a shit ton of hard work and and every single time, you’ll need to be answering the questions that are going to be asked of you. Whilst that can be tough, you might as well enjoy the journey, right? It’s entirely possible to overthink the questions that might come at you tomorrow, but what if you dream about tomorrow’s answers today? Daydreaming is always allowed. It’s cool to lose yourself in a world of daydreams that excite you, to imagine your life situation changing in a way that will make you feel better every single day. Everyone can choose which research to believe in terms of what we read or hear, but it’s widely believed that our average daydreams are about fifteen seconds long and that we have a couple of thousand of them every day. Can it really be right that we spend a big chunk of our time being awake thinking of things that for now are just fantasy? It’s always good to embrace the idea of there being something more in the world for all of us, for everyone else that you care about.

Some of us live in a dream world every day, some of us don’t; and then maybe there are those of us who fuse both together. When something that you’ve dreamed about forever, finally looks like it might be coming true, it’s difficult not to be scared. Are you breathing half the time?

I’m in a city that I thought I’d never be in and I’m alone. It’s a choice and I’m more than comfortable with it, but the realisation sets in that it might be nice if someone else could see the things that I’m seeing. You can share photos on a variety of social media sites, but it’s the experience with someone being with you that makes the experience. It’s cool to be here, and whilst the scenery is spectacular, it’s tough not to have thoughts drifting to somewhere else, to someone else. Daydreaming. Still, no point feeling sorry for yourself, if you’re going to take a trip, then you might as well do all of the things that you want to. You try and enjoy decent cuisine at home, so you make sure that you try and find places that you might like to eat at when you’re away. The city, shit, the country is renowned for beer, so you partake. It would be rude not to, when in Rome. Just a saying, not my current location.

Beer al fresco, with a view that is absolutely bonkers. I do the tourist thing, I take a picture and send it to a good friend. My mobile rings. It turns out that the locals aren’t massively impressed by the sound of Right Above It by Lil Wayne blaring into their quietness, and whilst I’m apologetic, it’s no worse than the generic Apple or Nokia rings. Suck it up people, have you never watched Ballers? Plus, we’re outside. Anyway, I’m daydreaming and the call sparks me back to life.

Thing is though, the call is about one of the dreams that I’ve had. Unfortunately, it’s not Anna Kendrick calling trying to take me out on a dinner date, but it’s nearly as good. That’s actually a lie, it’s nowhere near as good. What it is though, is a chance to go and live in a city where I want to be, doing a job that I love. Maybe it won’t be a dream any more. Are there hurdles to cross? Yep, but my thoughts can turn once again to the people and the things that I’ve been dreaming about.

A daydream in your head is just that and it will only ever be that until you actually achieve it, until you do it. So do it. Time to step outside, time to step out? Go for it, leave it all behind you.

@TheSamMcLeod
@YouMeMusicLife

It just takes some time.

Day 12.

2019, another day of growing. Another day of growing up though?

When we’re young, the thought of getting older doesn’t enter our heads too much. We’re young, we’re innocent, we pretty much don’t have a care in the world. Our parents look after us, we get the love that we didn’t know we needed, but it’s there. The cost of clothes, food, things to do as a family are all covered by someone else. You don’t know yet how grateful you are because you’re not emotionally mature enough. One day things change though, and then maybe one of the two most important people in your life aren’t there anymore.

Relationships end, but you only know and understand that when you’re older. Dad was there and then he wasn’t. He visited a lot though, so at first things didn’t seem too different. We hung out, we did things that any child and parent would do, kick a ball around, go to the park, hit the funfair. Essentially though, you’re being raised every day by a single parent. Money is tight, things are hard and despite the other parent being around, you realise that things are different now. No trips for the three of you together, less attention obviously, and a dawning realisation that your life will probably never be the same again.

A lot of older people say that your schooldays are the best days of your life, but at the time, you think they’re bonkers, right? There’s a saying that “there’s nothing more pure and cruel as a child.”

Word spreads at school and the bigger boys, the bullies are lapping it up. Fun is made of the fact that he’s not around so much. Your clothes aren’t as new as they once were and you know that she can’t afford what she once could. No fault of anyone, just circumstance. It doesn’t stop those bullies taunting you every day, to the point where you wish that the day could end and you could be at home. Going home with a black eye or blood on you, quickly makes you learn that it’s better to lie, rather than to hurt someone else with the truth. I tripped, I fell, it happened at sports. You might not be religious but you pray for the weekend to come.

You dread Monday coming around, don’t you worry what their bitter hearts are going to say?

Is it true that people who love life don’t hurt anyone? Perhaps the more that some people hate themselves, the more they want others to suffer hurt, emotionally or physically. It’s so difficult sometimes to be yourself in a world where a lot of people around you during your formative years, are trying to make you be someone else. Bullying is fucking horrible, but it turns out that there’s no reason for it to stick with you forever. Bullying is for people who zero confidence, they’re scared of you. You have something that they don’t, and that’s why they pick on you. Try not to let their words affect you because they’re the ones needing confidence, not you. Sure, you try and do all of the little things it takes to dodge them as you grow up, but you should never stop trying to having fun too. You don’t want to become everything that you were afraid of when you were growing up.

It’s tough and sometimes you hold on to things the way that they used to be. You can wonder what’s to come for you and that’s okay. You can feel bullied as an adult but don’t all of the same rules as a child to try and get past it all, still apply as you get older? There are new days to come, there will be other days to come.

This year could be amazing, maybe you have something on your horizon that excites the hell out of you? Is there sometimes a part of you that thinks because something came together so beautifully and so quickly, that it doesn’t mean as much as something you struggled with? You might be imitated by many, but you’re duplicated by none.

Don’t write yourself off yet.

@TheSamMcLeod
#YouMeMusicLifeResolutions

Trust is a luxury.

Day 10.

2019. The resolutions we make will be mostly for ourselves, won’t they? It’s okay to be thinking of someone else though, someone who you care about. Caring and thinking about other people is a good thing to do. Maybe pat yourself on the back if you want them to have a better year than you, or maybe just be humble and wish them nothing but the best. Much better to spread the love, right? It makes us giggle, it makes us smile and also makes us happy when we remember those moments that we shared with the special people that were in our lives in the year just gone. Sure, there’s some regret but it’s just life. It has a way of giving you an incredible high one day and then making you plummet the next.

We all have a lot to ponder in our quiet moments as the year progresses, we pay a lot of attention to our thoughts. How far we’ve come and how far we still have to go, how strong or how weak we are. You hope for good things to happen to you, whilst hoping that the worst things in your life don’t come to be. Isn’t it true that maybe the only thing that needs to change for you to have a good year is your way of thinking?

Thinking of someone else is a good way to start the year. If that person wants to be a part of your life, they will make an obvious effort to stay. It’s okay if they need to go though and be with someone else, what’s the point in reserving a place in your heart for those people who don’t want to make an effort to hang around?

Trust is a luxury.

She stood out. That’s not always easy to do in a world when there’s so much hurt going on every day. We were together forever, but on and off forever too. Intrinsically you know there are a lot of relationships that were never meant to happen but this one did. You know it might be something better and different when you don’t necessarily like someone the way that someone else does. I liked the things that she wasn’t even aware of, the way she would smile, the way she twirled her hair. The way she acted weird, the words that she could never pronounce correctly. Sometimes it’s about the story with someone and I wanted to keep on turning the pages.

Things changed because one day something happened with her. There are so many reasons to be happy, don’t all of us deserve a happy ending? Another choice to make. When you start compromising your morals, far less yourself, it’s probably time to change the people you have in your life and so it ends.

A lot of us are hopefully good people but when we have those type of relationships that go wrong, we need to find closure. You try to get rid of that relationship but isn’t it always worth mending a friendship if you get past the romantic stage? No grudges, but you cut that shit off because you know it’s gone.

You keep going though. No matter how many mistakes we make, or how we get through our lives in the year ahead, aren’t we still way ahead of everyone who isn’t trying?

No point in hating. I wish you nothing but success.

@TheSamMcLeod
#YouMeMusicLifeResolutions

Rewinding the picture.

Day 7.

Alarm, an anxious awareness of danger, a warning sound or device.

It’s the last day of the year. It’s time to say goodbye to all of the bad things in your life that happened in 2018, but perhaps it’s farewell for some of the good things too. Letting go is difficult though, isn’t it? Whether it’s a friend, a job or a relationship, it can be so hard to let go of attachments, especially if you don’t really want to, but some things are necessary. You’re moving forward, so you’re letting go of the past that was beginning to drag you down. Good on all of us that have the bravery to make that decision.

If you want to forget something or someone, there’s little point second guessing yourself about the original decision you made to let that someone or something into your life. You live and learn, isn’t that the common saying? It can be even tougher if it’s a boy or girl that you were close to but what’s the point in hating him or her? Maybe you found out he or she was doing something that they shouldn’t have been, you just know sometimes that something isn’t quite right, but when you begin to question it, their barriers go up, and so your shutters tend to come down. Not everyone’s a mystery though, lots of people are open books and sometimes you just forget how to read. Sure, your world is a tiny bit emptier with their departure, but maybe they’ve been let go to free up space for someone that you might really need in 2019. It’s okay to get to the stage where you realise that someone belonged only to your past, time to begin to accept it, as much as it might hurt to do so.

It can be cathartic, the day comes when you understand everything that you need to do, the choice that you need to make, will be the day that you stop trying to figure your shit out. Letting go isn’t a thing that you do once though, it’s something you have to do every day, over and over again. It can be obvious to yourself that, although you’re down, you’re by no means out. New year, new start?

There’s a girl who was with someone else, and then they got together. She left her ex to start something new but there was always a part of him thinking that if she could do that to him, she could do it again. There goes the alarm.

It’s hard to let go of someone he cares about and it’s even more difficult to let go of the belief in her. The disappointment of finding out someone isn’t who he thought they were will sting for a while, but it’s time to see what lies ahead from tomorrow onwards.

Should he send a message to wish her all the best for the year ahead?

When that clock chimes at midnight, if you’re tempted to text a certain someone from your past on New Year’s Eve, don’t. Nope, just don’t do it, hopefully sense kicks in, there goes the alarm again.

@TheSamMcLeod
#YouMeMusicLifeResolutions

What dreams are made of.

Day 6.

Everyone has experienced one of those type of days. You wake up in the morning and you’re not motivated to do anything. Sometimes, maybe you can do nothing and laze the day away, but chances are that you still have things to be getting on with. It’s just life, but so full of duties, personal issues and responsibilities that sometimes it can be impossible to know where to start. None of us likes to admit it, but aren’t we all are struggling to get motivated from time to time? Often we simply can’t get started with doing what we need to do. It can be a daily struggle, just a circle that we can’t seem to escape. Things will change though, won’t they?

There’s an old Chinese proverb that probably nails it if you’re struggling. “Deep doubts, deep wisdom; small doubts, little wisdom.”

Doubt can be a useful thing, it keeps you guessing. Can you know the strength of yourself until you’ve been tested? What do you do to try and make things better, doubt your doubts before you doubt yourself? It’s okay, being scared about whatever you want to achieve in 2019 is natural. What’s the point in ever doubting your own instinct? Doubt everything, find your own motivation to do what you need or want to do next year. If you’ve ever met someone that’s famous or successful and you’ve managed to spend some time with them, you know intrinsically that even they have doubts, that they have fears, that they have worries. They just don’t let these feelings stop them from pushing on. Not a bad lesson to learn as a new year gets closer.

It’s tough to always be strong though, and perhaps the worst part about that to the people in your life, is that no one seems to ever ask if you’re okay. One of the problems with the world is that some people are always so certain of themselves, whilst maybe the wiser ones can be full of doubt. That’s fine, you figure out your own motivation, what’s going to make you happy. Letting someone else be a roadblock to what makes you fulfilled on your journey to your goals is stupid. Doubt will kill your dreams before failure ever will.
Show no fear, have no regrets, display no weakness. This might sound tough as this year closes but don’t waste a second of your life, it’s too short and you’re too fucking special.

We’ve all had a lot dreams growing up. Time to make some of them come true? Will there be difficulties? For sure, but these challenges will make you feel better once you get what you want to achieve.

Hard work and determination can take you where you want to go if you have an idea or a plan. Is there doubt about what lies ahead? Absolutely. Is there trepidation? You’d better believe it. What’s the point wondering about what if though? Several plans have been made, it’s your turn now. It could be a big year ahead for you if you want it to be one.

Just watch. Set, ready, go for the take off.

@TheSamMcLeod
#YouMeMusicLifeResolutions