Light up your wildest dreams.

When is the best time to start or try something new? Today, tomorrow? Maybe it depends on what it is, perhaps nothing should have a timescale. A new job, a new relationship, moving house, are all massive changes in your life. You can be excited and scared at the same time, just human nature, right? Fear plays a big part in our lives, it doesn’t matter who you are. Perhaps if you can understand that fear on some level, things become slightly easier. It doesn’t really matter if you’re scared of getting into a new relationship, or taking a new job, or moving, you have to confront your fears at some point.

A lot of the time, when we make a plan to change our lives, it’s easy to focus on all the practical stuff. Isn’t it true though, that changing your life starts with changing the way that you see things in your life? You don’t choose to alter things otherwise. You’ve identified that something isn’t quite right, so you look for something different that will make you happier. You’re brave, because change isn’t easy.

Change is scary, no doubt about it. What if it doesn’t work out? What if it does though? Maybe the only way to find out if you’re going to be truly happy, is to risk exposing yourself to everything. Everyone gets things wrong. Not many of us realise the importance of a decision until we make a mistake. If you make the wrong choice a dozen times in a row, does making the thirteenth choice right, negate everything that’s gone before? You can make errors, you can take a risk and look like the silliest person in the world, but you have to keep on going. Doing something different might give you cause for concern, but if it scares you, it might be a good thing to try. Whatever you decide to do though, you do everything to make sure that it makes you happy. Common sense.

Sure, doubts can happen, but don’t you still take that step? Mistakes are often seen as a failure, but are they really? You learn from everything. Regret what you’ve done, rather that what you haven’t? How many chances do we get in a lifetime, and if we let them go, will we regret them for the rest of our lives? Those moments, when we lose them, can’t be found again. They’re just gone. What if you decide against changing things for the better? You’ll never know about those lost chances, those lost opportunities, those lost possibilities. It’s okay to be scared though. So many of us live a life that doesn’t make us happy, but we don’t ever take the initiative to change our situation. Isn’t one of the best things about being alive, having a passion for adventure and experiencing new things?

Be something greater, go make a legacy?

For example, what would you give for one more night with someone that you’ve lost? One more conversation, one chance to make up for the times when you took them for granted because you thought that they would be around forever? Wouldn’t you grab every minute of it and never give any of those minutes back until there was nothing left of them? Why not do the same for yourself?

Not all decisions need to be permanent, but isn’t that the same with indecision? Don’t you need to make a choice either way? Maybe your future comes from your past. Maybe there is another life that you could have had, but you’re having this one, so you make it the best you can. What if something happens to you and you can make it a new one? Maybe you don’t settle down in one place or stick with the same job. Everyone is different though. Hopefully, most of us will live a long time and have the opportunity to change our lives and move into an experience, but it will only happen if we want it to.

Maybe everything you want is out there for you to grab it, but if you don’t reach for it, you’ll never know. The only person you need to convince is yourself. If things are perfect in your life, then you’re super lucky. If they’re not though, it’s time to convince yourself, that something needs to change.

Things are going to change.

Being in limbo hasn’t been much fun. A day came when it was time to start searching for different answers. Opportunities happen rarely on their own, sometimes you need to go out and find them. A new place to live, a new job, even someone new in your life. One step at a time though, right? Decide where you want to live. Find out what it is that you like doing best, and get someone to pay you for going to work every day. Let’s face it, the expert in what you do, was once a novice but you can be that person. High hopes. Discover if you’re ready for someone new. Two out of three seems to be okay with a certain American.

There can be many things in life that catch your eye, but not many catch your heart. You know which ones to go after.

A moment has just changed the game. Not just for me, but for a lot of people around me. I hoped this day would come, I didn’t know how but I always had a feeling.

Rewrite your history, light up your wildest dreams.

@TheSamMcLeod

Your timing was so wrong.

Remember when you were younger and everything was simple and there was no limit to your future? It was easy to think that nothing was going to hurt you with your eyes shut. As we get older though, we get scared now and again of things that we weren’t when we were little. No monsters hiding under the bed any more, no need to sleep with a light on, the fears become different, the older you get. There’s no point of being scared of everything, although no one should be ashamed when they feel afraid, we all do sometimes.

It’s tough to tell someone, especially yourself, not to be scared. There’s always something worse out there, right? It’s normal behaviour to shy away from the things that we’re scared of. Perhaps the more you do something though, the fear is not on your radar as much anymore. When you’re scared, when life is causing you to evaluate what you’re doing and where you’re going, then maybe you’ll find out what you’re really made of. Maybe you take a risk or two? Better to be the person that fucked up, than someone that didn’t even try. There will be days when you can’t see clearly, even with a telescope. Those days when you couldn’t pour piss out of a shoe if the instructions were written on the bottom.That’s okay though, on other days, maybe it’s your job to win the Oscar for the person that most has their shit together.

Chaos, darkness and uncertainty can hover around you when you’re frightened. Maybe we’re scared to try new things because we think we have to get them right, the first time round. Leaving a job and starting a new one? Ending a relationship because you think that you want to be with someone else? Leaving your home and starting fresh somewhere anew?

Being scared can be quite cathartic at times though. Maybe a rule that more of us should have is that if we’re scared of something, we just do it. How brave do you feel when you’re doing things that scare you? A bungee jump, a skydive, anything that takes you out of your comfort zone? You should allow yourself a smile in those moments. Doesn’t everyone deserve to wear a smile sometimes? Each of us are brave, perfect and unique, all at the same time. How cool is that?

It can be scarier if things have to change for you because you had to make the decision because of the actions of someone else. We all make errors of judgement but it’s easy for a mistake to turn into something worse. You don’t want to miss out on the rest of your life out of some misplaced sense of loyalty for someone who badly messed up. Once trust is broken, it’s pretty fucking hard to superglue it back together. If it had happened before, it’s no coincidence now. Coincidence had been left out of your lexicon years ago. You can forgive, but sometimes, forgiving is not forgetting. Now you don’t have two people looking out for you, it’s down to one. Scary as ever, but brave.

Some days are harder than others. One day is like a sky of rainbow sherbet, and then others feel like your life is that side of beef that Sylvester Stallone used as a punching bag in Rocky.

One day though, a chance of something new presented itself. It scared the shit out of me, I hadn’t felt a feeling like it, in what seemed forever. An opportunity for something exciting, a chance to leave some things behind. Some bad, some good. Exciting but scary. Terrifying, really. It felt so cold in that moment, that prostitutes could’ve charged me to blow on my hands and I would have coughed up. Maybe though when you’re afraid of everything though, nothing can hold you back?

It’s a cliche that life is a marathon, not a sprint, but sometimes don’t we want to sprint the marathon? We want immediately to know what comes next, what life has in store for us. Opportunities. Sometimes, all you need though need is a little luck. You can find hope when you’re in the middle of the most hopeless of nightmares. Are you less scared now, will people still try to pull you down? If they want to tear you apart, they better pull hard.

Having someone or something as an anchor holds you in this world and that’s comforting, even if it’s just yourself. You can feel a need to leave sometimes, but then at the same moment, you realise that you have nowhere to go, nowhere to be. Maybe sometimes to speed things up, you need to slow down. Ironic. Until the penny drops, like a copper in a fountain or a well, it’s just one of your wishes, waiting to be fulfilled. One day that chance comes, and you realise that your life can change forever, and for so much the better. You take the opportunity, don’t you?

Being scared kicks in again though and hesitation is too close for comfort. Do you take a chance on what you could have against the security of what you do have? Or perhaps, what you thought you had? Trying to decide, you can drop enough f-bombs to be heard in another hemisphere.

The city had started to darken. Staring out across the impossibly quiet New York night, a decision was made. There was a moment when I was incredibly scared that I’d blow my chance because I was afraid. It was a lifechanger, it would undoubtedly alter the chessboard of a lot of other people’s lives in a big way too. It took a while to decide, fear had reared it’s ugly head again. Was that opportunity still there? It wasn’t impossible, but is was improbable. Thankfully, yes, it was. It’s not goodbye to the people that I’m leaving behind, but perhaps, but some things are better left unsaid. Just for now, not forever. Sometimes you have to break your own rules, sometimes you have to protect yourself.

We might hope or think that wherever we’re going isn’t as bad as where we’ve been. Many cities in the world are beautiful cities. Like many beauties though, they can be temperamental. Like everything else that frightened you when you were small, it’s okay to be scared of opportunities.

There’s so much out there that we’re missing out on. We shouldn’t miss out on anything, we’re here until we’re not. For me, it was a long time being who I wasn’t. Missing something isn’t a feeling that you have to fix, but what if you need or want to fix it? Especially if it’s yourself or something important to you.

I thought we were done with each other. We’re not. I thought that I wouldn’t see you again, but I will. We have history and now we have a future. I don’t have the slightest clue as to what I’m getting myself into, but I think that it’s going to be fun finding out. It’ll be an adventure and I’m not scared any more.

Nothing’s going to hurt me with my eyes shut.

@TheSamMcLeod

Fuck.

When you’re with someone new, all you want is to be around them all of the time. That’s infatuation though, not love, right? Sometimes you’re going to need some time to yourself. Sometimes all you want is to say come and give me a fucking hug. Sometimes you just want to be alone. It’s not not love just because sometimes you want space.

We all have to like someone before we can love them though. She was easy to like. A little bit quirky, a little bit different to a lot of other girls. Sure, she was pretty, but there was substance behind her looks. Someone who you could be comfortable with, and whose company was always enjoying and stimulating. Love comes later. Is it a conscious thing though, rather than a feeling? You decide to tell someone that you love them but perhaps that only rolls off of your tongue after you feel that you’re falling for someone.

If you’re in love, you’re having a good time already. You’re with that one person that you adore and anything that they say or do brings a smile to your face. It never enters your head for a moment that in the excitement of finding someone new, there’s at least one other person out there in the world nursing a broken heart.

When you move on from like to love, then things become more special between you. You should tell that person how special they are because what if no one else ever has? Kisses that go on for hours, those hugs where you don’t want to let go. Perfection.

You discover more. There were shared interests of music, of fashion, of politics, about almost too many things to be able to believe. Sentences were often finished by each other.

Little presents would be bought occasionally, just because someone saw something and it reminded them of the other. Holidays were taken and memories were made. Getting lost in foreign cities but knowing that you’d find your way to where you needed to get to, because that one special person was by your side. Taking thousands of photographs so that you could look back and smile.

Conversations could be deep and meaningful one minute and then absolute nonsense the next. It was like a special language. As things progress and the further you both fall, the topic of conversation can get more serious. Where are we going, what is the plan, how long can this last?

You said forever, and I did too.

Fuck.

Isn’t it true that you’ll never know all that there is to know about someone, just as they’ll never know all there is to know about you?

That moment it dawns on you when you think you’re important to someone, but it turns out that you’re not any more. You can be angry, you can be sad, but no one can tell you how you should feel in that moment. Of course, it hurts like hell if someone tells you that they don’t want you any more, but wouldn’t it be worse if they didn’t tell you? It hurts because it was important, it mattered to you. Doesn’t there come a time though when you realise that you don’t, probably all of us don’t, always love the right person at the right time?

Words hurt more than anything else can sometimes, because they last forever. The pain in itself is going to be okay in time. What might linger on for a bit, the thing that hurts the most, is the person that caused you to feel that pain. What do you do when the one person you want comfort from the most, is the one who’s causing your pain? You want to be in their arms but you’d be equally as happy if they were hundreds or thousands of miles away from you.

Sometimes, someone you care about, someone you love, will hurt you. If it happens again and again, when do you tell yourself that enough is enough? It’s a difficult conversation to have, isn’t it? You can give, you can love, you can trust but it’s always the same person that gets hurt. You.

So, you decide to be alone for a while and to concentrate on yourself. It’s not the worst idea you’ll ever have, but maybe you just don’t want to be attached to anything or anyone any more.

You’d trade all of your tomorrows alone for a chance to go back to the first 24 hours that you had with them though. Wouldn’t you?

Maybe one day, it could be months or years later, you’ll get an email or a text out of the blue from them. Do you respond? On the surface, it seems like an easy decision, but let’s face it, you’ve moved on because you had to, and you found a better place. Will it be different the second time around? It’s unlikely, right? You shouldn’t get your hopes up because you’ve read and lived this story before and you know how it ends.

This love story could have been near perfect but sadly it only lasted a few chapters, certainly not as long as was first thought when the first page was opened. It’s not a unique story, it’s happened to people the world over and will continue to happen.

Those memories that you cherished so much, then became the same ones that tear you apart. Those photographs will likely be stored away, rarely to be looked at. The memories, like some people, just begin to fade away.

I almost forgot about you.

Say something.

Aren’t the regrets in your life the things you haven’t done, rather than the things you have? Those lost opportunities, those lost possibilities, the feelings that you might never get back. Those moments, when you lose them, can they be found again? They’re gone forever. Aren’t they? Hopefully not. Will we ever know though?

The chances are that if you ask people what they’ve always wanted to do, the most likely response is that they haven’t done it. Me included. Sad in a way, almost heartbreaking for all of us.

We pray for opportunities or chances, we seek out opportunities and we yearn for the slightest chance of something that we want. The good news is that we’ll meet opportunities in every day that we spend on this planet. The bad news is that we miss a lot of them, only to come to a later realisation that we fucked it or them up. Isn’t an opportunity like a bus or a train on the move? Once it’s doors have closed, it’s gone. Another one will come along but will it carry better opportunities? A sliding doors moment, right? Too often, we might miss out on a chance of something because we were too busy or we were too distracted. Maybe we were just shit scared of asking a question and being rejected. Who can say, perhaps we just missed those chances tapping us on our respective shoulders. Excuses will always be there for you, opportunities might not be.

Can you ever undo it, ever unlive it, or relive it all? Why not take the plunge? Say something. Maybe you could have had what you wanted. You’d be silly to not ask the question, wouldn’t you? Don’t miss all of those opportunities along the way to do what you wanted to do because you didn’t have the confidence to tell yourself. Say something?

Some people say that it’s not what happens in your life that matters, it’s what you think happened. Just bullshit or is it true? It can be quite possible that the most important thing to happen in your life will be something that didn’t actually take place. Make sense or not? Maybe you missed the opportunity to make it happen. You wanted it to but you didn’t follow through.

Maybe all, maybe just some of us go through life disappointed in ourselves. Do we all keep a memory of that one moment when we missed out on someone or something?

It was too easy to start rushing towards all of the excitement at a million miles an hour. I should have taken the chance but I didn’t.

It was a road that we didn’t take, towards a door that we never opened. Correction, a road that I didn’t take, towards a door that I never opened. We chatted. We flirted. We joked and we touched each other in a way that people who like each other do. Bumping shoulders, gentles nudges in the ribs, playful rubs of each other’s backs. We shared stories of our travels, tales of your life in Zurich and mine in Sydney and Scotland. New York featured a lot. My favourite city in the world. What are the chances of bumping into you when the place has over 8.5m people living there?

It hits me that I’ve lost you, although I never really had you. Will you now rank among the things I’ll always regret? I’m not sure. Okay, definitely an opportunity lost but should it matter that much? Maybe it does. I found myself feeling for one of the first times in my life that I’d maybe missed out on something. On someone.

Not going to lie, there’s a constant differential dynamic between the excitement and thought of someone new and the security with one person. Not that I have her but taking the chance is scary, perhaps the reason that I didn’t ask the question that I should have.

I always win in my imagination but this time I lost. You might have said no to dinner, to drinks, to something more. I might never know now. I’ll probably never know now.

Don’t be afraid of missing those opportunities in your life, give them a go. Behind every bad decision or misjudgment is an opportunity that somebody wishes they had missed.

Tonight it’s easy to feel like the one who is on the sidelines, the one who has missed out.

If I missed my moment, I missed my moment. Fuck.

Say something.

@TheSamMcLeod

Not so typical…

Chance. Fate. Luck. Serendipity. Do any of these things even exist? The butterfly effect is essentially the theory that a single, random occurence, no matter how tiny, can change the course of the universe forever. It can change the course of your universe forever. There has to be something to it, right? Sometimes the smallest of things will change the direction in which your life moves. An answer to a question posed to you. The merest hint of you indicating that you like someone. A weird circumstance or situation that you find yourself in. That one moment that connects with you like an explosion out of nowhere. Lives have changed because of all of these things, haven’t they?

Do we create our own fate every day that we’re alive, or is it about something else that is completely out of our control?

Maybe nothing happens by chance and there is no such thing as luck. What if there is a meaning behind everything? Maybe we’re not switched on enough to see it at the time but surely we’ll come to a realisation about it at some point. That boy you like who suddenly likes you. The girl you like who suddenly likes you.

Before you get to that stage where you’re both aware of what it is that you want from each other, it can be difficult to connect the dots. Do I really like them? What if they reject me? Better to ask and be rejected than not ask in the first place, you’d imagine. So you have to trust that the dots won’t let you down and that they’ll connect and give you everything you want. You have to trust in all of it, don’t you? Chance, fate, luck, serendipity. I guess, I hope that what is meant to be will always find a way to you. Life would be shit otherwise.

It can be difficult if you’ve been lonely or you’ve been hurt. If you could only have met that one person for you a long time ago, then you’d have been able to dodge all of the things that you needed to get to the one person that you’ll belong to for the rest of your life. Isn’t that journey a good thing though? Maybe you just need to find that person for you at the right time. What if you needed that time? Maybe you found him or her by accident. What if though, and consider this, there is no such thing as an accident, it’s just fate not spelt in the way that you recognise. They can be the same thing? What if it’s not a typical love in the way that you get together? Love will always be enough, won’t it?

Sometimes life has a cruel sense of humour, giving you the thing you always wanted at the worst time possible. Hopefully though, if you recognise it as the right thing for you, you’re able to start connecting those dots again. Surely to fuck, there isn’t anywhere that you’re not meant to be in any given moment? Think for a second to think about how many people don’t get the one they want, but end up with the one they’re supposed to be with? Maybe it’s the universe fighting for all of those people to find each other and to be together? It’s not a massive stretch to believe that some things and some feelings are too strange and strong to be coincidences.

It’s too easy to sit and wonder why things turn out the way they do. Just accept it, don’t second guess it and give it a go with all of your heart? If everyone else around you, sees two people that are meant to be together, isn’t that fucking fantastic? You might think that there is a line in the sand that you shouldn’t cross, but isn’t it called that because that line is easy to erase? Wouldn’t you regret everything for the rest if your life if you didn’t tell them?

Once you do, you’ll notice that when your mind is drawn to someone new, their name suddenly pops up everywhere you go? If you care deeply about someone, there is your start. It’s a coincidence in all likelihood. Coincidences mean though that you’re doing something right.

Japanese people call it hitsuzen. It’s a naturally preordained event. A state in which all other outcomes are impossible. Sounds a lot like fate. Just saying.

A complete stranger can change your entire world, your entire being for the better. Seems pretty awesome.

Sometimes you might think that everything could have been different for you, and you’d be right. What if you didn’t answer that call one day from an unknown number? What if you didn’t go to that bar or that party? Maybe though there are some other times you think that you were bound to end up exactly where are now though.

You might meet that one person that day or that night and you look into their eyes and you know, that those eyes show you that your past, present and future are all the same thing.

There is no disputing the fact that some people enter your life, at the exact point when you need them. Coincidence or fate? The one thing you’ll know is that they’ll bring a smile to your face and most probably make your heart burst.

It’s never easy and some people never get to it. It’s a crazy, winding path. Maybe now you’ve made that connection, you’re a different person with a different history, and certainly a different future.

You have to embrace it but sometimes you’ll realise that some things, no matter how unlikely, are just supposed to happen. Be the best you can be for that one person who is going to walk into your life and will need you to love the bones of them.

Don’t get it wrong, it can be tricky. You might wake up one day and realise that this love will determine the rest of your life. Scary as hell. How about a change of perspective?

When you find a soulmate, you have to be together. Hopefully your past life experiences have guided you to make the right choices.

That is life, isn’t it? Chance. Fate. Luck. Serendipity. A long series of you never being able to pause to breathe, to understand what fate has handed to you. All you can do is hope for the best, because ultimately, it all comes back to those four things.

He or she has the best kind of smile, or maybe the worst kind, the kind that gets you into trouble. Perfect.

Maybe it was fate that you finally connected. Those dots again.

You might ask yourself in a slightly confused manner why they chose you or you chose them? What if fate drove you towards each other? If for the rest of your life, it’s the both of you against the world, isn’t that the best thing ever?

@TheSamMcLeod

Simpatico.

Simpatico. A person who is likeable and easy to get on with. Someone who is characterised by shared attributes or interests; they’re compatible.

A relationship ends. It’s the worst. It can be difficult to escape the pain, the hurt, the emotional turmoil. You have to learn to cope with it though. Easier said than done? It’s over but perhaps your heart and your brain aren’t quite ready to accept it. That’s natural.

Maybe the only way to overcome a split is by realising the fact that the relationship is done and dusted. Don’t glance back, try not to think of it, that should make it easier to move on. Right? Wrong?

During tough times and after the end of everything that you held dear, your family and friends are going to be the biggest crutches that you’ll ever need. Whilst that’s cool, what do you do? Go out and try and be the life and soul of the party? Maybe you prefer to be alone? Neither option is wrong. The one most important thing though is to give yourself some time. Absolutely, the anguish will tear you apart but what has happened, has happened.

So what now? Moving on? To be able to move on though, you need to learn to forgive him or her. Is it important too though to forgive yourself? If you were the one doing the breaking, it’s on you. Isn’t it better to remember things though as they were and move on? It has to be the same rule though if he or she did the breaking.

If either of you have made mistakes, isn’t there is always another chance for either of you? You can have a fresh start, a clean go at things.

Love can make things great and hurt all at the same time. You wouldn’t want to live without it though, would you?

Does anyone understand women? Maybe they’re just meant to be adored and treasured and never understood? Perhaps the same applies the other way?

If someone in your life loves you the way that you want to be loved, then never let them go. It ‘s easy to think though that love can be something that just happens when two people who are batshit crazy and full of lust for each other become misguided. Not true, right? It has to be something deeper.

If you’re in love, do you ever really know whether your love comes from the person you’re with, or the idea of being with them? Hopefully, it’s the former. An instant spark, a slow, lingering flame that becomes brighter? It can be easy for your brain to be confused with a new love but your emotions will never lie to you.

Intrinsically, doesn’t everyone want to really want to love somebody forever? Sometimes though, maybe you just don’t know if it’s possible to do so until the end of time. You have to keep going. Don’t you? What is the point otherwise?

Love and lust are are so confusing. Take a new boy or girl home, tell them you like them, tell them how beautiful, pretty or handsome they are. The next thing you do if you’re lucky? Turn out the fucking lights!

A new love isn’t like lights, especially traffic lights. Go for it, get ready to go or just stop? Who the hell knows but hopefully, you’ll work it out. You can probably never control who you fall in love with, it just happens, perhaps when you least expect it.

It can be confusing. It’s happened but do you always know that in your heart of hearts that it has begun? Maybe one day, you’ve been talking about someone and all of a sudden you catch yourself with a huge smile on your face? A friend might call you out on it and you blush. That has to be love. Doesn’t it?

It’s bizarre to think about how big of an impact you can have on someone or that they can have on you. Either of you don’t even have to speak. A cheeky glance. A knowing smile. Perhaps a wink. It can make the day seem brighter. Doesn’t that then become part of the reasons for the love? Will either of you ever understand or wonder just how much of you or them belongs to the other? You would fucking hope so!

Is it not the best feeling in the world if he or she smiles at you because then you know? For a fleeting second, isn’t that heart bursting stuff for you, knowing that you crossed their mind?

You need to man or woman up if you’re moving on, why be shy? Do you never wonder which hurts more, saying something and wishing you hadn’t, or saying nothing, and wishing that you had? Tough choice. Be bold though.

It is super hard to pretend to like someone you don’t, but even harder to pretend to not like someone when you really do. What is the worst that could happen? They say no. Fine, you move on. There will undoubtedly come a stage where you need to spill your feelings though. One person in the relationship always has to first, that’s just the natural order of things. The worrying thing is that it’s not telling him or her how you feel that scares you. What will their response be? Just try it. It’ll be okay. Put your heart out there.

One day, you’ll look at that person and you see something different than you did the day or night before. It’s almost a switch. It’s been turned on. Now you know. The person who was just a friend is now so much more and maybe the only person that you can ever imagine yourself with.

Keep your eyes open.

@TheSamMcLeod

Need something that I can confess.

On September 20th of 2013, I wrote a bucket list of 100 things that I wanted to do before I died. I’m 43 things down, the more arithmetically clever of you, may have noticed that this means that there are 57 to go.

This is number 89.

89. Tell the absolute truth for 24 hours, Liar Liar style.

I haven’t done that yet but it’ll be ticked off by the end of the weekend. It’s probably cheating to include sleep as part of the 24 hours so I’ll calculate it by me being awake for that whole period.

Some people may not understand or get the thoughts behind this but I think about my bucket list on an almost daily basis and I really want to tick those 100 things off. I must get checked for OCD!

Number 89 came into my head today after bumping into an old female friend. After the usual chit-chat was done, the conversation between us turned to relationships and old times. Many of our mutual friends have ended up together, symptomatic of coming from a small town, I guess.

After a major catch up, she then asked me if I wanted to go back to her house to spend the night. If anyone reads this, and they are male, they will likely be screaming at me about my thinking but I said no. I don’t like her in that way and it would be unfair to lead her on. I was bizarrely truthful about this and I told her that. Am I a chump?

This made me think about number 89. It made me think too about confessing about some sorts of secrets or confessions, big or small. Don’t get me wrong, I have loads of secrets but here are a few:

1. CB. In Primary One, I did pinch your yellow miniature NYC taxi car. I’m incredibly sorry. It’s doubtful that you’ll read this but I still know where you live so I’ve already bought a replacement and will post you the new one in the morning.

2. FB. You were my first girlfriend in primary school. I did kiss Claire at the pantomime, even though I said that I didn’t, sorry.

3. CS. You were my best friend and I’ve shared so many experiences with you. We’ve not kept in touch as much as we should have and for that, I apologise.

4. VC. You were the biggest mistake of my life. Mostly my fault, not a lot to do with you.

5. CC. Timing is everything, I guess. It was never meant to be and I wish that I had told you that.

6. EW. I miss you more than anyone in the world.

7. AK. Despite me denying it at the time, your Mum did hit on me. In the words of Brandon Flowers, “It was only a kiss”.

8. JT. I should have asked you out for drinks at the very least.

9. CM. I’m smiling wryly at an opportunity missed.

10. LS. Will I ever get over you?

Secrets no longer, 44 down.