Maybe you just need a friend.

A big part of depression is feeling alone, even if you’re in a room full of people. You can be surrounded, but if you don’t feel like you can talk to anyone, you might as well not be there because you’re on your own. Loneliness can feel bad and good at the same time though, can’t it?

You don’t want to do anything, you don’t even want to wake up because you’ll just be expected to see the day through. It’s no way to live your life.

Having a good day day can be tough sometimes. It’s about finding as many beautiful moments in your day, isn’t it? What happens though if trying to do that for 24 hours is just too much to ask?

Sometimes, all you can do is just stay in bed, and try to sleep before you begin to fall apart. Again and again. You don’t want to crumble but you can’t control it. Sometimes sadness isn’t audible, no one hears it.

A lot of the time, the nights aren’t much better. Those feelings that wash over you as you’re in bed, staring at the ceiling. Replaying in your head all of those things you didn’t get right. Regret has never been a cure for insomnia but it’s tough. You might cry until your eyes close, so eventually you manage to fall asleep. You wake up though and you remember. It starts again. You don’t want to see a single person. You’re in bed with the blinds or curtains closed. Whatever happened to you is your own fault, isn’t it? You’re drowning. No point in being alive any more, you might as well be dead.

Can’t it be difficult sometimes to see the incredible person that you are? Maybe all that you need to know is that someone would miss you if you weren’t around. Sometimes all you want is for someone to wrap their heart around you. Life. It’s about making a mark on the tapestry on someone or something, isn’t it?

One day someone is going to walk into your life and they’re going to need you to love them. Maybe that’s what love comes down to. You have someone who cares enough to devote themself to you so that you spark yourself back into normality. Can you hang on? Perhaps all you want to be is the best version of yourself for that special boy or girl.

Some people don’t and won’t ever understand how you might be feeling unless you tell them. How desperate you are to have someone to tell you that they love you and that they wouldn’t change you for the world?

You can look at someone but not see them for what they really are. You can take or judge someone at face value, but you can be so wrong, can’t you? Everyone has secrets. Sometimes it’s those secrets that burn inside of you that keep you going. There will be wounds that never show on your body that are deeper and that will cause more pain than any cut you have that ever bleeds. Just life, right? Believe that someone else is undergoing the same battles that you might be experiencing.

For a while, hopefully a short while, you can tell yourself that you’ve strayed off of the path where it is that you want to go. You’ll find your way back to where you want to go, won’t you? Night comes though and the struggles start again. You don’t to be with people and you don’t want to be alone. Fucking hell.

Is depression a war that you can win? You’d hope so but it’s a battle you fight every day. You never stop, never get to rest. It’s one messy thing after another.

Your judgement is constantly questioned by the people you know, but it’s just something that you have to deal with. Breaking down doesn’t mean that your life is done. A day comes when you’re finally in touch with the bad things going on in your life. You can cope, you get it. You can accept it eventually.

Ever wonder how the darkness wins? Better not to think about it, right? Who the hell wants the darkness to win?

Happiness is an ongoing battle, a complete struggle, a never-ending fight.

In a strange way, you can fall in love with your depression. You can love it because you think it was all that you had or have. Depression isn’t the part of your character that makes you matter. Don’t think so little of yourself. Don’t feel that you have little to offer the world because you do. You matter. Mental health matters.

As clumsy as you’ve been, there’s no one laughing.

@TheSamMcLeod

I remember falling.

It’s been an emotional week for a lot of people, me included, with the passing of Robin Williams. I loved his work, some of his films are genius of the highest order. If you’ve never watched Good Morning Vietnam, get involved, it’s a spectacular piece of work and all the more remarkable, given how much of the dialogue is off script and spontaneous.

Many of us will know how tough it is to watch on whilst someone close to us is struggling with their own demons. We all have things going on that people will not understand unless we tell them but that can be so difficult. Let’s face it:

“Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad.”

“When you’re surrounded by all these people, it can be lonelier than when you’re by yourself. You can be in a huge crowd, but if you don’t feel like you can trust anyone or talk to anybody, you feel like you’re really alone.”

“Listen to the people who love you. Believe that they are worth living for even when you don’t believe it. Seek out the memories depression takes away and project them into the future. Be brave; be strong; take your pills. Exercise because it’s good for you even if every step weighs a thousand pounds. Eat when food itself disgusts you. Reason with yourself when you have lost your reason.”

“If you know someone who’s depressed, please resolve never to ask them why. Depression isn’t a straightforward response to a bad situation; depression just is, like the weather.

Try to understand the blackness, lethargy, hopelessness, and loneliness they’re going through. Be there for them when they come through the other side. It’s hard to be a friend to someone who’s depressed, but it is one of the kindest, noblest, and best things you will ever do.”

All of these words are important. Some of you will never suffer from depression and you are the lucky ones. Unfortunately, there will be people close to us who do, and it’s heartbreaking to look on and feel like you can’t help someone that you love or are close to. It’s a difficult illness to understand and no one should hold themselves in reproach. It’s been said that sometimes before it gets better, the darkness gets bigger.

Sometimes it can feel like you’re fighting a battle on your own. Surround yourself with people who love and care for you and you’ll never be alone.

Undress your soul, show them your vigour.

 

When I was a cool kid..

As a fan of live music and music in general, I should really know better.

There have been a number of bands and artists that I’ve been to see recently that I’ve really enjoyed. I’m subscribed to various websites so that I can hear when and where my favourite musicians are touring. As soon as dates are announced for somewhere where said artists are playing that I can get to, I’m right on it.

That said, I’ve found myself recently thinking that I’ll just time my arrival at the gig/concert for whatever time the headline artist is due on. Not cool.

I’ve had to give myself a shake lately because I’m always interested in discovering good music and bands and this isn’t the attitude I had when I was a cool kid.

I loved the first album by Stereophonics, Word Gets Around. When I heard they were touring in Aberdeen in 1999, you can be damn sure I got tickets. I rocked up early because I was excited. The support band? I’d never heard of them at that time, they were a Canadian band called OurLadyPeace. They put on an amazing show, were very humble and I wanted to hear more of their stuff. I now have everything that they have ever released, they are one of my favourite bands, check them out.

I’ve been lucky enough to have visited New York more than once. I was there in September of 2010 and Marina & The Diamonds happened to be playing live. I like her stuff, she was just breaking through at the time and it was worth a couple of hours of my time. We bought tickets and because it was New York, we went along as soon as the doors opened.

Marina was amazing that night, good voice, good show and generally good fun. That said, she was massively upstaged by a band called Young The Giant.

They were outstanding but I had no idea who they were? It has to be said though, I absolutely loved their show, great night. Good tunes, outstanding musicians and clearly people who are passionate about their art. Common theme appearing, they are now one of my favourites.

When you go to your next concert or gig, think about arriving for the support act. You may well discover a new favourite.