Laugh when you cry.

Does everything happen for a reason? We’ve all heard that bad things happen to bad people and good things happen to good people, but isn’t it complete nonsense? Everyone of us does good things in our lives, sometimes for ourselves, sometimes for others but now and again we fuck up. It turns out we can all be a dick. We hurt the people we care about, we hurt the people we don’t care about, and sometimes it’s not even on our radar. It’s just fallibility, the tendency to make mistakes or be wrong about something, a situation, it could be anything. Hopefully we all get the big things right though and if there are wrong decisions made, they’re for tiny matters that don’t affect anyone too much, us included.

Good things happening in your life are the best. A new relationship, meeting new and old friends, an exciting job opportunity, the chance to travel, it could be anything, couldn’t it? Ticking off bucket list things, your team winning the World Series, current champs, thank you very much. Seriously though, don’t we all try and work every day to make things better for every single person in our lives? Now and again though, maybe karma becomes a thing. You fucked up at some point in your past so the next little while for you isn’t going to be enjoyable.

Perhaps sometimes things have to go wrong in order for everything else to start to go right. When you appreciate that though, who knows what your future holds? You can’t just take a peek, you have to open your eyes all of the way if you want to find out what it is you’re made of and what lies ahead. Deniability can sometimes be your best friend and it’s a perspective that few of us ever get, it can be surprisingly energising.

Perceiving your hardest times might just be your inner self telling you that they’re a path to something better. Sure, we all want to take gigantic steps but aren’t baby steps okay in the beginning? It’s okay to break the rules when sometimes you hit a run of bad luck, who knows what comes next?

Give me some sort of sign.

Have I done bad things? I have but, in third grade, I didn’t cheat on my history exam. In fourth grade, I didn’t steal my uncle Max’s toupee and glue it on my face when I was Moses in my Hebrew School play. In fifth grade, I didn’t I knock my sister Edie down the stairs and blame it on the dog. I don’t even have a sister called Edie. When my mum sent me to the summer camp for fat kids and then they served lunch, I didn’t go nuts and I pig out before they kicked me out, I’m not fat. The worst thing I’ve never done is when I mixed a pot of fake puke at home and then I went to this movie theater, hid the puke in my jacket, climbed up to the balcony and then, I made a noise like this: hua-hua-hua-huaa, and then I dumped it over the side, all over the people in the audience. And then, this was horrible, all of the people started getting sick and throwing up all over each other. I’ve never felt so bad in my entire life. None of that ever happened but nice work if you got the reference.

Have I cheated on someone? Yes, more than just flirting or kissing, an absolutely dick move. Have I been involved with someone who I knew was in a relationship? Sadly, yes, I fucked up. Have I lied to someone? Yep. Have I lied to cover up for someone else? More times than I care to count. Did I tell a girl that I loved her when I didn’t really mean it? Regretfully so, not cool. There have been a shit ton of good things that I’ve done too but a wise woman once told me that self praise was no reward. Clever lady.

Life can make you question everything at times, am I doing something wrong, am I getting anything right? Self doubt, a shitter of a thing. Maybe it’s karma raising it’s head again, who ever really knows? You can probably run on the fumes of trying to tell yourself that you’re okay for as long as you want, but eventually things will hit you hard.

The thing is that sometimes the process of changing and growing up includes going through feeling like you’ve fallen far from where you used to be. To be candid, when you hit rock bottom, you can only climb up, right? It can be difficult to talk though especially if you want to sing.

When you have to stay in a hospital bed for 23 hours a day, you get to thinking about a multitude of things. Have I fucked up? Big time. Have I done some good? Damn straight to both. When you have to ponder what’s gone before, perhaps you let yourself get ready for what comes next. It’s when you go through hard times you realise that you can have moments when you’re proud of yourself, that you’re comfortable with at least some of the choices that you’ve made. It’s easy to be pessimistic when you’re struggling, but don’t you need to have hope that things will twist in your favour?

Things have been switched up and moved forward. Today could change everything but there is an acceptance that life comes with both wins and losses. Let’s hope for a W.

All that I want is to wake up fine.

@TheSamMcLeod

@YouMeMusicLife

You took my heart by surprise.

A lot of life is determined by utter randomness.

It’s hard to explain sometimes, isn’t it? There can be a randomness to the way things happen in your life. Exposing yourself to as much randomness as possible would appear to be the best or worst thing that you can do. What if you take a different train than you usually do? Perhaps you meet someone that you might not have met otherwise. A sliding doors type of moment. That experience could be life changing in a good or a bad way. Is it fate? Is randomness the same thing as meaningless chance? Honest answer? No fucking clue!

Unexpected friendships are maybe the best ones. One smile can begin a friendship. Sometimes you can meet someone randomly and know immediately that they are special. The way that you talk with them. The way that you laugh with them. The way that you finish each other’s sentences. The way that you can be thinking of the exact same thing at the exact same time. Some people can search their whole life to find what you’ve already found. Maybe we don’t meet people by accident. It’s a well perceived thought that the best relationships happen unexpectedly though. Which point of view is right? Who knows? Who cares? There has to be a degree of randomness in every decision that we make. Do I click that follow button? Why? Why not?

You might meet someone that surprises you. You come across them and you’re not immediately drawn to them in a massive way. That’s not down to them, you just have other things that are more important in your life at that time. It’s not that you don’t care, it’s just consequence. Everyone has to deal with their own life on a daily basis, it’s cool. The thing is though, as you get to know this friend, they can become the most important person in your life in that moment or maybe forever. Who knows? Did you see it coming? Did you fuck, it just happened.

Is there anything better? You click, you’re comfortable with them and you don’t need to pretend who you are or feel the need to keep secrets from them. You don’t need to be anything that you’re not.

A good friendship is perhaps when you understand someone and they understand you. The right friendship can be a slow burner but can become explosive stuff in time. That one person that you care about on a daily basis. You find yourself thinking about them randomly every day and hoping that they’re doing okay. If they’ve confided in you about what they’re worrying about, how can you not worry about that too? You want to check in. You want to reassure them that everything will be okay. Conversely, if they’ve had something good or exciting happen to them, you share in that. You want to. You don’t need to be a superhero. Being beautiful or brilliant or perfect sounds amazing but as long as you care, isn’t that all that matters to them? You can make them smile when they’re down. You randomly check up on them to see that they’re doing okay. You look out for them, you want the best for them.

It’s also a good friendship surely if you don’t talk every day? It doesn’t mean for a second that you’ve forgotten about them. It certainly doesn’t mean that you don’t care. Nothing changes. You still want to say hey, you still want to know how they are. If one person isn’t in touch for a while, it’s okay to give them space or to take space. They know that they have a shoulder that they can cry on if they need it. They know that there will always be a friendly ear if they need to speak to someone. It doesn’t matter what time it is, even if you are thousands of miles away. Friendship has no timezone. Chances are that you want that person to speak to you, you miss your friend, you miss their presence. You just miss them. Your friend.

It’s not always 50/50 though, is it? You know that when you need something that they’ll be there for you. The cool part is that they know the exact same thing. No matter what, no matter when, no matter where.

Close your eyes and think about that person that you met unexpectedly. How do they make you feel? Think of the things that you like about him or her. Try to take a deep breath and forget about them. Pretty much impossible, right?

The conversations, the experiences, the friendship, the jokes, the memories, the plans perhaps made but not yet fulfilled, the smiles and the tears. You wouldn’t trade those things for anything. You’d do anything for your friends. Anything, a million times over. The randomness suddenly doesn’t matter any more.

What did I get right to deserve somebody like you?

@TheSamMcLeod