One day, you and I, will write our names in the sky.

Is it possible for someone else to know what you’re feeling without you telling them? Can you look at someone’s face and know how or what they’re feeling?

Most of us on this planet can pretty much do what we want with our hearts and our lives, and that’s an amazing thing. Sometimes though, you can’t do what you want with either of those things and that’s when it becomes complicated.

Andy Warhol once said “As soon as you stop wanting something, you get it.” Bullshit or not, I’m finding it tough to decide if he’s right. Once you want someone or something, everything changes for you, doesn’t it? Everything is always easier said than done though. You can want someone or something, that’s easy. Saying something or doing anything about it can be a little bit trickier. Isn’t it almost like wanting someone but not doing or saying anything to try and have them? You have to step up. If you meet someone and you like them, you shouldn’t be ashamed in liking that person. There’s nothing wrong in wanting to experience something new with somebody.

It was a random night. I’m sitting in the hotel bar, nursing a bourbon and catching up on news from around the world on television. I didn’t see her at first, she was in a quiet part of the bar, clearly looking to be left alone as she read her book. I happened to glance over, she caught my eye, and we both smiled and then looked away. I kept glancing back and I swear that she saw me doing so out of the corner of her eye. Thing is, she did exactly the same thing and it took all of everything that I had to stop from smiling. Eventually, she came over and asked if she could watch the news with me. Clearly it was okay but she fell asleep almost immediately. Smooth.

She napped and then woke and we chatted about lots of things. Eventually, I excused myself and went to bed. As I walked up the stairs to my room, I think about how I got excited by her words. I think about her smile that could hush thousands of voices. I think about the things that I never said, the questions that I never asked. All of those questions that you never ask though, don’t ever get a reply.

We would bump into each other over the next few days and it was conversations full of smiles, stolen glances and a shit ton of awkwardness. Maybe I’m in her head but I’d rather be in her arms. What are emotions anyway?

Suddenly it was her last night, although I didn’t know that at the time. A couple who I’m friendly with invite her through to sit and have wine with us. As the girl half of the couple speaks to her, she starts to cry. Us two boys see that as our kryptonite, and we go outside to speak. When we eventually come back in, we find out that the girl is engaged and has flown over here to see her fiancé. Problem is, he dumped her whilst she was in mid-air, travelling from thousands of miles away to see him. Now the dynamic has shifted. The girl is in tears and thankfully, is being comforted by the female.

I didn’t realise how tough it was going to be before I knew all of this and now I’m convinced that it’s not even fair for me to try to tell her that I like her. What if she asks me though, unlikely as that may be? I can’t lie to her if it’s how I feel, surely? I find myself hoping that she doesn’t ask. Let’s face it, you don’t want to say anything that you can’t stand behind completely.

I knew what it was like, wanting someone that you could probably never have. Intrinsically though, I know how it’s impossible to un-want her, once my heart tells me what I already know. You’d think my head would step in at some point and slap me silly but you’d be wrong. We were so close and danced around things for a few days but now? It’s the biggest distance between how it was and how I ever thought it could hopefully be.

If whatever you’re going to do is wrong, should you just do whatever you want? I couldn’t, I could see that she was hurting and I didn’t want to make things worse. I can’t tell her. Just because I’ve seen her a lot though, it doesn’t mean that I wanted too much, does it? Maybe if I have made her feel something, it means that I’ll never be forgotten?

Inadvertently, I’ve read things wrong. If there is any chance for us, I need to right those wrongs so that we can be side by side. On the right of her side. To be there for her. Maybe to be there for me too.

I have questions though, right? Whether she’s the one, whether I feel about her the way that I should? The Portuguese call it saudade. Longing for something so indefinite as to be indefinable. Clever bunch.

I’ve spent my days and night since she left trying to find the words to explain the feelings I have. There are explosions of emotions that I can’t even comprehend. It seems doubtful to me that I could even make her aware of at least a tiny fraction of what I feel. I know that it would be unfair on her right now, so I won’t. I can’t.

No matter what anyone of us think about someone, what we do is dictated by what we feel. I wanted to tell her but I couldn’t because circumstances dictated otherwise.

It’s okay to have boundaries, but it would be lovely to step over them now and again, just to see if they can become an adventure. Once again, I couldn’t, that wouldn’t have been a cool thing to do.

It was 4am. I was still up, nursing a new bourbon and she was checking out to go to the airport. I heard the ping of the elevator and I saw her step out. I smiled, walked over and lifted her bags for her as the taxi idled outside whilst she checked out. I placed her bags into the taxi, watching her with solemn eyes.

The sudden prospect of having to say goodbye to her tugged at my heartstrings and I could feel that although she was hurting, she felt the same. She stepped forward and wrapped her arms around me. I put my arms around her and I pulled her close. I held her for a long time, longer than I should have, but then reluctantly and gently, I let her go.

I gave a soft smile and a tender wave, before glancing away. I needed a moment, before walking back into the hotel. Alone.

Maybe goodbyes aren’t forever, they can simply mean, I’ll miss you until I see you again?

If you get to where I am and if I throw away my fear and pride, to set things right, then I’ll find mine on the right of your side.

@TheSamMcLeod

You elevate the life in me.

Trust, ironically is hard for me to trust. That’s why my circle of friends is small. I’m a bit of a social hand grenade when it comes to making new friends.

At least I know that, but I know it’s on me. Is there anything better than having friends though, keeping those special people in your life? You should never lose a chance to make new ones, right?

True friends are the people who make you smile every single time that you’re in touch with with them, remotely or in person. New friends can often have a better time together than old friends, can’t they? It’s that excitement of when you start a new relationship, isn’t it?

If you’re a decent human being, then you should kind to everyone, but you want to choose the best people to be your friends, don’t you? No point in choosing them otherwise. Assuming that they choose you back or that they accept your friendship in the first place.

It’s nigh on impossible for you to know which of the strangers you’re going to meet that’ll become your friend. Being polite to everyone is a pretty good rule to live your life by though. You don’t want to be careless with other people’s hearts and you shouldn’t put up with people who are careless with your heart.

It can be tough however. A lot of us are closed doors, we can’t just open up when we’re asked to. Some of us aren’t pieces of paper, you can’t unfold us and find out what you need to know. Aren’t there always parts of us that we want to close off from the world? Bits of us that we can’t even touch ourself because they’re too painful. Too tough, right? Now and again though, you meet someone who instantly gets you. Someone who illuminates the in-between.

What is the meaning of a good friendship? How significant it is in your life? They can give us comfort when we need it, can’t they? The Japanese have a word, kenzoku, which when translated, means family. It implies the deepest connection of a friendship. Pretty cool.

It’s not always that easy though. Good people come, good people go, bad people come, bad people go, it’s just life. You always know when something comes to an end, don’t you? It’s simple though once you get past your heart hurting. When you let certain people and memories go, it just means that you’re making some room for other people and other memories to take their place. You need to let some people go, to detach yourself from their life. Before a new chapter begins, you tell yourself that the old one needs to end.

Regardless of where about in the world, your new friends live in relation to you, you automatically understand that there are precious few you that you should hold onto. You work hard to bridge the gap in geography and time initially but then it becomes second nature, you make your friendship work. Sometimes it’s easier than that, things just click and a random conversation leads to a new friend. Someone that you can tell anything to. Someone who can tell you anything that they feel that they want to. A new friend.

Happiness with your friends is all you want surely? Those smiles of new friends can help if you’re feeling down. You would do the same for them though and hopefully you pull each other through if either of you is having a bad day. You can accept inalienable truths from a good friend, sometimes it might be what you need.

You can take advice from anyone but sometimes it’s that new friend who can help you see what you need to.

It was random how she came along. Just someone reaching out to someone else. That first contact meant that other contact followed. A conversation started. It turns out we have a lot of things in common. Sport, music, our sense of humour. Don’t forget tacos. It’s a new friendship and it’s pretty cool. We’re in touch when each of us wants to be. Hours or days could go by with silence and that’s fine. We’ll converse back and forth for ages and that’s fine too. I sleep when I need to, she sleeps when she needs to. One of us will be awake whilst the other sleeps and we just go about our day or night. We’re just friends but again, that’s pretty cool.

It’s amazing how easy it is for things to change in your life. You think your day will be the same and then you wind up somewhere new. It’s a new friend, a new boyfriend or girlfriend, maybe a breakup. Maybe at the same time, each moment we experience has another thousand moments underneath that make it looks different. Make a new friend, what’s the worst that could happen?

My day, my experience was meeting someone new that makes my days better.

@TheSamMcLeod

As simple as a change of heart.

Why is the best fruit always forbidden?

Have you ever fallen for someone that you know you shouldn’t have? Maybe you tried hard to fight your feelings, but you just couldn’t stop what they were telling you. It’s tough though, to hide them every single day, especially when you know that you want to shout to everyone from the rooftops about the new person in your life. Isn’t a part of a new love exposing everything about yourself, almost to the point of potentially being hurt by someone that you think you trust? You fall deeper with each passing day, don’t you? They’re only a friend though, nothing will happen. You keep on saying to yourself that you don’t want anything to occur, but you know that you behave differently when you meet their eyes. You’re not being honest with yourself. You keep telling yourself that it isn’t right.

What if they’re out of bounds, if they’re completely out of your league? They’re too beautiful, loads of people want to be with them. Zero chance. The kicker is that she’s married and her husband is a famous footballer. It was not fucking cool at all. He couldn’t help it though, much as he wanted to.

No matter how many beautiful people that you set your eyes upon, if you’ve already set your heart on someone, do you even notice anyone else?

She was a secret crush. She’s beyond beautiful, smart, funny and she’s super chilled. She swears like a sailor, she’s basically the complete package. Most important of all though, she’s kind and she’s generous, not just to other people but with her thoughts and her feelings.

A glance turned into a stare. It was impossible for them to be together, to be anything at all. Try and hide it, so that no one can see? Not a chance. Pretending forever? Not a chance. You tell everyone that you’re just friends, that you’ll never be anything more. Again, you can never show your feelings though. Maybe you don’t want them to know because your friendship can’t be risked over this. What if she was the one doing the chasing though?

Maybe you don’t need a girl or a boy who says that they have to have you. Maybe you just need that person who says that they’re afraid to lose you.

It’s so hard but sometimes, you have to question your instincts and choose a different path. It’s not always that easy, everyone gets that. All he knew for sure is that they were on a course to somewhere, and it was nigh on impossible to know where they would end up.

Everyone kept telling him how they thought that she felt. They said that she didn’t care, but she never showed him that she didn’t. They told him that she didn’t love him. They kept telling him that she was no good, but he was the only one who saw something different in her and nobody understood why. He looked in her eyes and he knew that there was something there.

One day, she kissed him. Isn’t it true that sometimes all you need is just a second of courage? He kissed her back.

They got together and it was incredible. He fell hard. All he wanted to do, all of the time was to be with her. Grab her hand, wrap his arms around her, cuddle her. Send her flowers, leave little notes in her bag when she visited him or when he visited her. Compliment her on how fucking astonishing she was. Isn’t that what all of us should want? She asked him exactly how he felt, she demanded complete honesty. He told her that he loved her and she breathed out, and told him that she loved him too. She was holding her breath, waiting to listen to the words that she was desperate to hear leave his mouth.

For however many reasons there might be why they got together, there were always more reasons why they shouldn’t have. Although he was a tad naive, he knew that it would be tough, that there would be obstacles to overcome. He wanted to be with her for the rest of his life though. Forever. Forever ever. All is perfect in their world now, right? No.

One day came along, and she said no, she said that she didn’t want the same things from him as he wanted from her any more. As she told him, he felt like his ribs had clamped shut. It was like bullets hitting him behind the eyes, everything was not as it should have been. Devastation wasn’t the word, he didn’t understand, she had seemed like she wanted all of him. Sometimes, there’s maybe too much truth in this world and not enough understanding and he had none of that in that moment. She was why his legs almost collapsed every time that he saw her. Becoming her boy was now an impossible wish. She didn’t want him any more.

People might tell you that it’s painful to forget someone you love. Some other people might tell you that it’s painful to wait for someone you love. Everyone will get hurt by someone in the course of a relationship. Getting hurt is a part of life. It’s not easy though. She told him that he couldn’t be her everything as well as her secret.

He moved on though and he accepted it. No other choice.

Months passed and then one day, she showed up on his doorstep asking if they could go for dinner. He acquiesced, it would have been rude not to. She poured her heart out and told him that she’d made a mistake, that she wanted to be with him and that she’d do whatever it would take to be his girl.

She broke his heart that night because that was all that he’d ever wanted. The problem was that he’d promised his heart to someone else by this point and he wasn’t going to go back on his word.

Sometimes you’ve got to give up something to get something. Turns out that something else matters in your life.

@TheSamMcLeod

It’s 11:11..

Phenomenology. It’s the idea that you can see something or someone but not really be aware of it or them. The thing or things that blend into your every day life. Most of us see all of those things but are never consciously aware of them. In order to see them for what they are, you need to actually realise that they’re there. Makes sense, right?

She was in his life, not on a daily basis but he knew who she was.

There was no reason for it happening. None whatsoever, but it did. Not only did it happen, but it became something that neither of them could ever have expected. They didn’t meet in any conventional manner. No drinks at a bar, no meal at a restaurant, no film at a cinema. It turns out that there was a connection though.

Everything changed, the moment that he first met her properly. He lived in a country of millions of people, but from then on, he wanted only her. In a world full of men who could catch her eye, he wanted to be the one to make her eyes sparkle. She was pretty. Her voice melted his heart. The way she said his name? It’s how you would want your name to be said by anyone that you’re in love with. Some people just don’t have the emotional room for compassion, but she had it in spades.

Calls, emails, messages, catching up whenever they could, everything moved at a frenetic pace.

She was a disaster sometimes, in the nicest possible way, but she was worth all of the effort, all of the time. Sure, she had things going on that he tried to understand and have empathy with, tough as it was. He had plenty going on as well and she understood. It’s just life, why wouldn’t all of us understand? She was a fragile heart in a wild place, not like a flower, more like a hand grenade but he loved it.

She was an escape, just when he needed to get away. On some level, don’t we all dream of escaping from our everyday lives? We think about breaking free from our daily routines. Maybe that’s why a lot of people love magic, because we crave surprise. An escape from the predictable. That one moment when we genuinely don’t know what will happen next? Is that how we know we’re alive? She made him feel that way.

She told him that he was everything to her. He told her that he felt the same way about her but that almost worried her more than if he had never said those words. She thought more girls would want to be with him because they couldn’t have him because he loved her. Flawed logic in his mind but she believed it, so he had to accept it. Someone’s perception is their reality. It’s so easy to read too much into things, or take things the wrong way, she said. I’ve made a point of trying harder not to over think every little thing, she said. He adored her for even saying it.

She also told him that she was in love with him and that he had her whole heart. How sweet and awesome is that? Don’t things always seem to make the most sense when the people involved make no sense at all? No one outside of the two of them understood it. Thing is, a tiny fraction of everyone’s story is all you ever know at any one time. Don’t ever assume a fucking thing.

That intensity that you feel towards one person is intoxicating, isn’t it? Capture every moment with them that you can. Watching her or him smile, wondering what he or she is dreaming about.

Some people have an aura to them. They attract people by simply being themselves. That’s what she did. He didn’t expect her to be perfect, just to be perfect for him. Was she? If a woman can make you laugh, when all you want to do is fight with the world, then she’s a keeper.

It was difficult, they were miles apart from each other in distance, geographically. In every other way, they were right for each other. They thought the same thoughts, they finished each other’s sentences, they liked a lot of the same music, they shared a lot of common interests. Everything that you would want from someone that you think that you’re going to spend the rest of your life with, they had. Jealous yet? They’re the two people at a party who aren’t even in the same room but everyone else there, knows that they’re supposed to be together. They were so absorbed by each other that when they went even a day without being in touch, thoughts of missing each other utterly consumed them.

Something flipped though one day. He didn’t change. The way she treated him changed. At least in his mind. She thought the same thing the other way around because he cared enough to ask the question. He heard every word that she said and felt the ones that she didn’t, like a dagger to the heart.

Yet he misses her. A little too much more than he should and a little bit more every day. Will that fade? Time will tell, although apparently time is a healer.

Too much of anything is too much. They didn’t take the time to synchronise both of their hearts because it was too much, too quickly. That might mean living for forever with regrets of what might have been. Such a fucking shame, especially if there isn’t anyway back.

Your head may tell you that you don’t miss that person but it’s bullshit, isn’t it? Your heart knows differently, that’s where you should take your advice from. He misses her and is having a hard time moving on because everywhere he goes there are reminders of her. A song. A voice from a stranger that is similar to her almost perfect voice.

Where she used to be is now a hole in his life. Not every day but sometimes, he’s just wandering around it in a daze. Sucks to be him.

No blame is apportioned but when someone cares enough for you, that they see that they hurt you, don’t they put their ego aside to give you a heartfelt apology? Maybe she doesn’t think that she did anything wrong. Maybe she didn’t. Maybe he didn’t. Perspective rears it’s ugly head again.

Distance isn’t always physical, is it? All that he knows that not being with her, means that he’s in the wrong place. At least for now. Does she have forever? No way. It’s not that he liked his own sadness but he sure doesn’t care for it anymore.

Does she like him? He thinks so. Does she care? He thinks so. Does he care about her? Deeply.

It’s easy to get distracted in life. It’s so full of noise so you try to focus on what’s important. Sometimes your eye can be drawn away, so you get lost in someone else but aren’t they always drifting back to that one person?

You don’t even know what it is that you’re losing until that person isn’t there any more.

Don’t we hope that all of the important people in our life who leave, gravitate back towards us at some point, despite how far you think that they might have wandered in the wrong direction?

However, what if them not being there with you makes them happy? That’s a great feeling. Knowing that someone you love is happy, right?

Did he need her then? Does he need her now? He doesn’t know anything for certain when it comes to her but he’ll figure it out.

Choosing nothing or no one gets you nothing. It’s never easy when something ends but doesn’t a little part of everyone remain behind? Doesn’t it make part of us get stronger as we move forward?

You wait for the one who would do anything to be your everything, don’t you? At least for as long as your heart tells you that it’s time to stop because it can’t take it any more.

It’s really important to have those people in your life who push you to be better, to be different, to care about and love someone who isn’t yourself. Will he be with her? Will she be with him? Will you be with who you want to be with?

Your Konstantine.

@TheSamMcLeod

Say something.

Aren’t the regrets in your life the things you haven’t done, rather than the things you have? Those lost opportunities, those lost possibilities, the feelings that you might never get back. Those moments, when you lose them, can they be found again? They’re gone forever. Aren’t they? Hopefully not. Will we ever know though?

The chances are that if you ask people what they’ve always wanted to do, the most likely response is that they haven’t done it. Me included. Sad in a way, almost heartbreaking for all of us.

We pray for opportunities or chances, we seek out opportunities and we yearn for the slightest chance of something that we want. The good news is that we’ll meet opportunities in every day that we spend on this planet. The bad news is that we miss a lot of them, only to come to a later realisation that we fucked it or them up. Isn’t an opportunity like a bus or a train on the move? Once it’s doors have closed, it’s gone. Another one will come along but will it carry better opportunities? A sliding doors moment, right? Too often, we might miss out on a chance of something because we were too busy or we were too distracted. Maybe we were just shit scared of asking a question and being rejected. Who can say, perhaps we just missed those chances tapping us on our respective shoulders. Excuses will always be there for you, opportunities might not be.

Can you ever undo it, ever unlive it, or relive it all? Why not take the plunge? Say something. Maybe you could have had what you wanted. You’d be silly to not ask the question, wouldn’t you? Don’t miss all of those opportunities along the way to do what you wanted to do because you didn’t have the confidence to tell yourself. Say something?

Some people say that it’s not what happens in your life that matters, it’s what you think happened. Just bullshit or is it true? It can be quite possible that the most important thing to happen in your life will be something that didn’t actually take place. Make sense or not? Maybe you missed the opportunity to make it happen. You wanted it to but you didn’t follow through.

Maybe all, maybe just some of us go through life disappointed in ourselves. Do we all keep a memory of that one moment when we missed out on someone or something?

It was too easy to start rushing towards all of the excitement at a million miles an hour. I should have taken the chance but I didn’t.

It was a road that we didn’t take, towards a door that we never opened. Correction, a road that I didn’t take, towards a door that I never opened. We chatted. We flirted. We joked and we touched each other in a way that people who like each other do. Bumping shoulders, gentles nudges in the ribs, playful rubs of each other’s backs. We shared stories of our travels, tales of your life in Zurich and mine in Sydney and Scotland. New York featured a lot. My favourite city in the world. What are the chances of bumping into you when the place has over 8.5m people living there?

It hits me that I’ve lost you, although I never really had you. Will you now rank among the things I’ll always regret? I’m not sure. Okay, definitely an opportunity lost but should it matter that much? Maybe it does. I found myself feeling for one of the first times in my life that I’d maybe missed out on something. On someone.

Not going to lie, there’s a constant differential dynamic between the excitement and thought of someone new and the security with one person. Not that I have her but taking the chance is scary, perhaps the reason that I didn’t ask the question that I should have.

I always win in my imagination but this time I lost. You might have said no to dinner, to drinks, to something more. I might never know now. I’ll probably never know now.

Don’t be afraid of missing those opportunities in your life, give them a go. Behind every bad decision or misjudgment is an opportunity that somebody wishes they had missed.

Tonight it’s easy to feel like the one who is on the sidelines, the one who has missed out.

If I missed my moment, I missed my moment. Fuck.

Say something.

@TheSamMcLeod

Somebody to you.

The first glance at someone you like. Hopefully, that leads to the first date. Fingers crossed that the first kiss with that someone follows. Who knows after that? A relationship to end all relationships? Marriage? Babies? It’s pretty cool to be someone’s first kiss or love but isn’t it better to be their last everything though?

That new feeling about someone. Isn’t it the best? Chances are that you didn’t go looking for them, they perhaps just turned up uninvited?

We can only speak about our own experiences though, right?

Connecting with her was a coincidence, something straight out of left field. Becoming her friend was a choice. Falling in love with her? No choice in the matter really, the heart wants, what the heart wants. I thought she was perfect and so I fell for her. Soon after, I realised that she wasn’t perfect. What happened? I loved her even more. Not loving her was never an option, it just had to happen.

How did we go from this innocent interaction to where we are now? This conversation that has grown and grown. Me waiting for you to grow tired of me, even though you instigated all of this. We share jokes and some terrible conversation at times but it resonates. It can only be love and some unbelievable chemistry that I’ve yet to make sense of and might never make sense of.

It’s almost going to be like a journey. It starts at never and hopefully ends at forever. How could it start? There was no comprehension that it could even be a thing. It’s quite a wonderful thing though. The way that she smiles at me, the way that I know that she’s fallen asleep when those little three dots on the alerts aren’t flashing any more. She’s sound asleep, hopefully dreaming of me, and that’s all I need to know for now. Maybe it’s all that I’ll ever need to know.

I may not be with her at all times, but she knows that she’s never far away from my heart. Impossible. I think about her, I dream about her. Who knows how the whole life thing works? Maybe I have searched for her for all of my life and it just took me a little while to find her. When loving the fact that someone else’s happiness is more important than your own, does that make you feel like this is the one thing that you need? It’s how I feel right now.

You have no conception of how hard it is to stop myself thinking about you. We should play a game. Flip a coin. I always pick tails. Tails, you are mine. Heads, I belong to you. Win win?

The thing is, that the best feeling right now, is when you look at me. I might already have been staring at you forever from afar though. You did what you do though, you called me on it and now we are where we are. Pretty fucking cool, in my mind. Let’s face it, you don’t know it for sure yet but I’m much more myself when I’m with you. Out of all the men in this world, you chose me. I’m nothing compared to anyone else that you could have picked and I’m baffled. Also, I’m blown away.

Now what happens is that I can’t see myself without you. You’re nothing short of my everything and I have no idea how this even happened. Each day I love you more. I picture your face when we’re not together. I imagine your voice when we’re not speaking. It’s at that stage, isn’t it? No matter what you say, no matter what you do, I’m always right there behind you. Just when I think that it is impossible to love you any more, you prove me wrong. A text. A message. A picture. You pouring out your heart and being honest. Especially when you’re turbo boozy. Ugh. Near perfection.

I’m going to be always in love with you, surely? Can I swear it? I hope so.

I’ve also always thought that the one thing that would be amazing is being the centre of someone else’s universe. When you come along and tell me that you think that I’m the centre of your universe, isn’t it nigh on impossible for my heart not to almost burst?

Comfortable isn’t the right word, but what if this love comes from finding someone you feel utterly content with? You’re that someone who makes me comfortable with myself. It’s better than finding myself.

It’s a complete risk to fall for you, to love you, to need you, to want you. If it doesn’t work out, what happens then? Hang on though, what if it does?

There is one thing that you need to know. I don’t love you just because of who you are. When I’m with you, I’m better. Not just to you, but to everyone in my life. I know that you might think that is crazy. Maybe that’s because it is and I am. About this situation, about you.

Maybe that’s what this is? Sunshine. Craziness. Hurricanes. Having someone who helps you through different experiences, encourages you to try new things but will always have your back and make you feel safe?

All I wish for is to be your favourite boy. When you think of me, you smile. Your favourite smile. All I know is that your the prettiest thing that I’ve ever seen. I just want to be somebody for you.

I know now that I’ll always want that.

Quiet nights in. Wine. Me hearing about your day. I cook, you speak. I massage your feet, you relax. Just that.

So here it is, one more time. I find you incredibly beautiful. The best part about getting to know you more is knowing that each day will bring new surprises that are all about you. The flipside is that you’ll find out new things about me too.

Our friendship has been born because in that moment you said hello. My heart has been exploding ever since. I’ve cherished all our moments. The best thing is that there will be more moments. Since I’ve met you, I began to understand why all of my past relationships came to an end. You. It was always you.

I just want to be somebody to someone. Now I know who that someone is.

@TheSamMcLeod

Not so typical…

Chance. Fate. Luck. Serendipity. Do any of these things even exist? The butterfly effect is essentially the theory that a single, random occurence, no matter how tiny, can change the course of the universe forever. It can change the course of your universe forever. There has to be something to it, right? Sometimes the smallest of things will change the direction in which your life moves. An answer to a question posed to you. The merest hint of you indicating that you like someone. A weird circumstance or situation that you find yourself in. That one moment that connects with you like an explosion out of nowhere. Lives have changed because of all of these things, haven’t they?

Do we create our own fate every day that we’re alive, or is it about something else that is completely out of our control?

Maybe nothing happens by chance and there is no such thing as luck. What if there is a meaning behind everything? Maybe we’re not switched on enough to see it at the time but surely we’ll come to a realisation about it at some point. That boy you like who suddenly likes you. The girl you like who suddenly likes you.

Before you get to that stage where you’re both aware of what it is that you want from each other, it can be difficult to connect the dots. Do I really like them? What if they reject me? Better to ask and be rejected than not ask in the first place, you’d imagine. So you have to trust that the dots won’t let you down and that they’ll connect and give you everything you want. You have to trust in all of it, don’t you? Chance, fate, luck, serendipity. I guess, I hope that what is meant to be will always find a way to you. Life would be shit otherwise.

It can be difficult if you’ve been lonely or you’ve been hurt. If you could only have met that one person for you a long time ago, then you’d have been able to dodge all of the things that you needed to get to the one person that you’ll belong to for the rest of your life. Isn’t that journey a good thing though? Maybe you just need to find that person for you at the right time. What if you needed that time? Maybe you found him or her by accident. What if though, and consider this, there is no such thing as an accident, it’s just fate not spelt in the way that you recognise. They can be the same thing? What if it’s not a typical love in the way that you get together? Love will always be enough, won’t it?

Sometimes life has a cruel sense of humour, giving you the thing you always wanted at the worst time possible. Hopefully though, if you recognise it as the right thing for you, you’re able to start connecting those dots again. Surely to fuck, there isn’t anywhere that you’re not meant to be in any given moment? Think for a second to think about how many people don’t get the one they want, but end up with the one they’re supposed to be with? Maybe it’s the universe fighting for all of those people to find each other and to be together? It’s not a massive stretch to believe that some things and some feelings are too strange and strong to be coincidences.

It’s too easy to sit and wonder why things turn out the way they do. Just accept it, don’t second guess it and give it a go with all of your heart? If everyone else around you, sees two people that are meant to be together, isn’t that fucking fantastic? You might think that there is a line in the sand that you shouldn’t cross, but isn’t it called that because that line is easy to erase? Wouldn’t you regret everything for the rest if your life if you didn’t tell them?

Once you do, you’ll notice that when your mind is drawn to someone new, their name suddenly pops up everywhere you go? If you care deeply about someone, there is your start. It’s a coincidence in all likelihood. Coincidences mean though that you’re doing something right.

Japanese people call it hitsuzen. It’s a naturally preordained event. A state in which all other outcomes are impossible. Sounds a lot like fate. Just saying.

A complete stranger can change your entire world, your entire being for the better. Seems pretty awesome.

Sometimes you might think that everything could have been different for you, and you’d be right. What if you didn’t answer that call one day from an unknown number? What if you didn’t go to that bar or that party? Maybe though there are some other times you think that you were bound to end up exactly where are now though.

You might meet that one person that day or that night and you look into their eyes and you know, that those eyes show you that your past, present and future are all the same thing.

There is no disputing the fact that some people enter your life, at the exact point when you need them. Coincidence or fate? The one thing you’ll know is that they’ll bring a smile to your face and most probably make your heart burst.

It’s never easy and some people never get to it. It’s a crazy, winding path. Maybe now you’ve made that connection, you’re a different person with a different history, and certainly a different future.

You have to embrace it but sometimes you’ll realise that some things, no matter how unlikely, are just supposed to happen. Be the best you can be for that one person who is going to walk into your life and will need you to love the bones of them.

Don’t get it wrong, it can be tricky. You might wake up one day and realise that this love will determine the rest of your life. Scary as hell. How about a change of perspective?

When you find a soulmate, you have to be together. Hopefully your past life experiences have guided you to make the right choices.

That is life, isn’t it? Chance. Fate. Luck. Serendipity. A long series of you never being able to pause to breathe, to understand what fate has handed to you. All you can do is hope for the best, because ultimately, it all comes back to those four things.

He or she has the best kind of smile, or maybe the worst kind, the kind that gets you into trouble. Perfect.

Maybe it was fate that you finally connected. Those dots again.

You might ask yourself in a slightly confused manner why they chose you or you chose them? What if fate drove you towards each other? If for the rest of your life, it’s the both of you against the world, isn’t that the best thing ever?

@TheSamMcLeod